Page 9 of Margins

“Thanks, but I’m just gonna get going.” She takes a step backward, but tilts her head, only the smallest smile on her lips. “You look—rested. Calm, maybe. Did you do anything special this weekend?”

And Alex is so close to telling her the whole story—about the garage sales and the books and the messages and Elijah—and he knows he would have at literally any other time over the past two decades of his life, but something makes him swallow it now, for the privacy of two people he’s never met, and maybe just a tiny bit of his own.

“Went for a couple of early morning walks, and I think they were good for me.”

She nods. “Looks like. Guess maybe that should become a new habit, huh?”

“That or something like it,” he agrees.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you next Sunday at my place, then.”

Cassidy turns and walks away without waiting for him to reply, always willing to rip bandages off where he might take forever to let them fall on their own. Back inside the house, Elena has changed into her pajamas and wrapped herself in her hooded wolf blanket, and she’s ready to join him on the couch for their newly formed custom of watching TV together before she goes to bed. Alex thinks it’s as good a time as any to mention the new things he’s bought her, but as was true a few minutes ago, he can’t quite bring himself to do it, all the parts of the story blurring into one. Instead, he and his daughter sit with their sides pressed together, Elena almost certainly about to pick out one scary show or another—I’m just getting us ready for spooky season, dad—and Alex wonders whether there’s something better about already knowing this time with her is something he’ll only have for a while, until she gets older or simply adjusts to living in two places at once. Whether there’s a comfort in understanding there aren’t promises to him she can break, because every vow has only come from him as her father.

Then he thinks back to whether he’s ever taken the time to promise himself anything at all.

He doesn’t have an answer, but he isn’t sure he can work on that many new habits at once anyway.

When they’re done downstairs, he and Elena head up to bed at the same time, and he tucks her in as soon as she's finished brushing her teeth and she’s snuggled beneath her covers, ready for another week of school. He’s ready for another week too, maybe for the first time in a while, but when he looks down at the books he’d set on his bedroom floor earlier, he doesn’t bend to pick any of them up, content to work on a crossword puzzle and then turn off his light early, daydreams an indulgence his entire life and gentle when they carry him off to sleep now.

Alex doesn’t worry about where they lead, and maybe he should.

The next morning, it doesn’t seem to matter that Alex is an early riser, and that Elena isn’t exactly terrible about waking either. It’s a Monday through and through, and everything feels rushed when it shouldn’t, and hectic when there is no reason for them to mess up something they’ve done so many times before. Even with his precious coffee in his hand, Alex feels rocked by chaos until they run out the door and he drives Elena to school, and he thinks he’s only barely settled by the time he gets back home, finishing the rest of his own morning routine and another half a mug before he’s back in the car and on his way to his office.

His work schedule has been flexible for a while and he’s eternally grateful for it, able to get Elena to school the weeks he has her before he heads into the office for a few hours, usually through lunch meetings, then back home to be far more productive there, working remotely while his only break is when he picks Elena up again. She’s always been good about allowing him to work in relative peace, hurrying to finish her homework at the new desk he bought her so she could feel like a little professional herself, and they can both breathe easy again by the time he's almost done making dinner.

“Hey, I forgot to tell you last night,” Alex starts, his white lie worth it when he can speak without tripping over anything that might have slowed him down the night before. “I found a garage sale over the weekend and bought some books and games for you. I think most of the books are duplicates, but—”

“But that way I can have copies here and at mom’s?”

“Exactly,” he says. “And I think all the games are new, so we can keep them here.”

“Can I go see what you got?”

Alex shakes his head. “I just took the lasagna out of the oven, and we’re ready for you to set the table. You can check everything out after dinner.”

They sit down to eat about five minutes later and Elena tells him all about her day at school, including her devastating loss in a new quiz game about fractions and the two songs her class will learn for a fall assembly, plus she catches him up on all the recess drama he missed hearing about last week while she was with Cass. He has a question every now and then, but she’s never been shy about sharing and isn’t all that interested in waiting for him to keep up his side of anything. At some point, he hears his phone chime with a handful of alerts—emails or texts or whatever breaking news the world wants him to know—but Alex isn’t in a hurry to walk away from the best kid he knows, and they continue to talk until Elena eventually drops her fork onto her plate with a satisfied grin.

She doesn’t have the same need to cling to time, and she’s out of her seat and clearing the table the second he lets her go.

With a sigh, Alex follows her into the kitchen with his own dishes, then wanders over to his phone and swipes away a couple of notifications before he sees a text from Elijah.

Found books here. 2 so far. Think it’s my great grandparents. Confused though

Shit, okay. Alex hasn’t looked through any of the books since yesterday, caught up in everything else that’s kept him busy since Elena returned, but what Elijah’s saying is enough to get his heart pounding again.

Confused how? Are the messages written to E or by E?

By. The immediate answer leaves Alex’s eyes wide, wondering whether Elijah had kept his phone close waiting for Alex this whole time, but he doesn’t have a chance to respond before Elijah goes on. Kind of a long story. Can you meet up tonight or tomorrow? I’m off work

Sorry can’t. It’s my week with my daughter. Could call you later if that’s ok. Or you could call me.

There’s no answer right away, and Alex can’t tell whether he’s messed something up without knowing how, turning down the invitation to hang out with Elijah and offering to talk and wanting all of it even while the silence suggests Elijah’s no longer as close to his phone as he was a minute ago. Alex looks up at the sound of familiar footsteps then, Elena running into the room with a game in her hand.

“Can we play? Pretty, pretty please?”

“All your homework’s done?” he asks, the glance at his phone automatic when it makes a sound.

Don’t want to bother you

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