Page 52 of Loved By You

Chapter Twenty-One

Ria

I managed to get Elle down for a nap in her crib and take a much needed shower. I change into some leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, grab the baby monitor where I can see Elle sleeping soundly. It breaks my heart seeing my girls sick. I would trade places with them every time. I always feel so helpless when they are in pain, but she's settled and I take the opportunity to tidy up the toys in the front room and make myself a coffee.

Finally, taking a seat on the couch, I put my feet up and let myself sink into the plush cushions. This is such a strange feeling. I don't think I have spent any time on my own with just Elle since she was a newborn. Alex never took Lexi out on her own. It was always his parents. And the one time my hot mess of a mother did show up, she created more problems than solutions.

That familiar tightness in my chest when I think about my mom hits me. Rubbing my hand across my chest, willing the feeling to leave, it dawns on me that I haven't heard from her in nearly six months. What kind of mother doesn't call her daughter when she knows she's going through a divorce? I have spent years calling and chasing her. Begging for her love and attention and I don't think I can put myself through it anymore. I spent my entire marriage begging to be loved, to be a priority, and if being around Jack has taught me anything, it's that if people wanted to, they would.

I mindlessly scroll my phone and reply to the girls to make plans for a night out that is way overdue, according to Ali. I get two incoming messages. One from Margot, one of the moms from ballet, and one from Jack. I look at the time. 12.13. The ballet class must be over.

I open up the message from Margot first.

Margot

Missed you today at ballet, but thank you for the treat you sent us *fire emoji* I think I speak for the entire class when I say we all appreciated his efforts during the hop little bunnies routine *eggplant emoji*

What the hell?

And then it hit me. It was parent participation week.Oh shit! Poor Jack. I hesitantly open his message.

Jack

Taking Lexi and myself for a well deserved slushie. I have three words for you Ri…

Parent

Participation

Week

And he sends a gif of the weird kid who just stares with a WTF expression on his face.

Be back soon x

I snort a laugh, covering my mouth with my free hand. Oh, my God.

I text him back.

Ria

I am so sorry. I completely forgot! Thank you again for taking her. I promise I will make it up to you xxx

Less than a minute later, a message from him comes through.

Jack

Oh yes you can, sweetheart *winking emoji with tongue stuck out* And I have a list of ways you can do it xxx

My body heats and my hands tingle. Just a few simple words turn me into a walking hormone. I have never been so affected by a man. Even during the good years with Alex, he never affected me the way Jack does.

I should have known back then how deep-rooted my feelings were for him. But I was Noah’s annoying little sister. What would he see in me? I wonder if he ever noticed the way I would stare at him from behind the books I pretended to read when hewas playing Xbox with my brother. Or how I would linger on the landing of our family home when I knew he was staying over in the hopes I would bump into him on the way to the bathroom.

The nights we spent in my kitchen eating pancakes are some of my most cherished memories. I smile and a little flutters stir in my belly, thinking how we would talk about the most mundane things and the way he would make me laugh. It was one of the few times I was truly happy.

When he left with my brother to join the Marines, my little teenage heart broke into tiny pieces. I never felt I could tell him how I felt about him. I knew it was wrong and living with my feelings felt far easier than living with the embarrassment of him rejecting me. I lived for the weekends. He would come home to visit me with my brother. I would send them both care packages when they were posted abroad and write them letters. Jack would write me back sometimes and I still have some of those letters stashed away.

One weekend, he came home, and I overheard him talking to Noah and Harry about a girl he hooked up with. I sat at the top of the stairs and it felt like my heart was being shredded bit by bit with every word that left his lips. I don't think he ever knew how I felt about him, and it's something I swore I would take to the grave. I knew Noah wouldn’t approve and Jack respected my brother too much to ever hurt him or their friendship, so I didn't see any point in acting on my teenage lust. But now I wonder if Noah would feel differently.

---