Page 49 of The Worst Pucking Deal

“Already got that covered,” Remus says smoothly.

Hmm, maybe drinking so much wasn’t a good idea because that should sound sketchy as fuck. Yet, I nod and accept the papers he hands me. Flipping through the pages, I find what I’m looking for. Each of our assets is clearly delineated, ensuring there’s no confusion about ownership. My estates, my money—all listed under my name. Lucia’s belongings likewise belong solely to her. There’s no room for ambiguity or dispute.

“Can I take a look?” Soren asks, and when I wave him over, he reads over my shoulder.

He wordlessly points out a paragraph that reads; Upon entering holy matrimony, any previous marriages are nullified.

“What the hell?” I mumble, looking over at Lucia who’s wringing her hands together while talking with Remus.

Deciding it doesn’t matter right now, I put pen to paper and sign everywhere needed. Then I hand the papers to Lucia, who smiles robotically. While she reads through it, I glance up at Remus, who meets my gaze with a reassuring nod.

“As smooth as silk,” Remus remarks, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“Yeah, it looks good,” I reply curtly.

Remus nods once more before turning his attention to Lucia. “Shall we proceed, then?”

After signing the last paper, Lucia nods, her eyes shining with determination. “Let’s do it.”

With a solemn nod, Remus begins the ceremony. “You’re both agreeing you want to get married?”

“Yes,” we reply at the same time.

“Very well.”

Remus begins to talk about marriage, holy matrimony and yada, yada. Honestly, I space out. This isn’t romantic, it’s convenient and nothing else. So I don’t care. “Sorry, can we just skip to ‘I do’?” I ask, interrupting Remus.

His eyes flash with annoyance, softening as he looks at his cousin. “Do you agree?”

“Yes,” she says stiffly. “Just get to the binding part so we can be done.”

“Sawyer Perry, do you take Lucia Carter as your—”

“I do,” I reply, interrupting him again.

“I do, too,” Lucia says exasperated.

Remus scoffs. “Whatever. By the power vested in me by the Vatican, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss or not kiss. I couldn’t care less.”

Despite myself, I chuckle. Remus isn’t that bad. Or maybe he is, since he just married his cousin to someone who doesn’t care about her at all.

After signing the marriage certificate Remus lays out in front of us, it’s done. I’m now a married fucking man. The hollowness and despair I always thought would accompany me if I crumbled and tied myself to a woman is nowhere to be felt. I feel the same. I’m still me, Sawyer Perry. Some papers and meaningless promises aren’t going to change a damn thing.

I know I’ve made a rash decision tonight, I feel good about it though. Tom might be the one who forced me into this lie of a relationship, but I’m the one who made it on my terms. And now I’ll never again be the lifelong bachelor, in a year I’ll be divorced. The thing nagging at me now is that while I know why I’ve said yes, I don’t know Lucia’s reasoning. Then again, I have plenty of time to find out.

“Are you taking Sawyer’s last name?” Mickey asks, interrupting my thoughts.

Lucia looks at Remus who just shrugs. “No,” she says. “I like Carter.”

“Should we send out a press release or something?” Soren already has his phone in hand as he asks.

Shaking her head, Lucia rushes to explain. “I think it’s better we keep it under wraps. If we leak the information it’s going to look like we… umm… planted it and the press will dig. But if it just comes out organically, it’ll look like we tried to keep it secret.”

I’m actually okay with that. Mostly because I don’t feel like explaining to Tom why I married Lucia just after announcing we’re moving in together. But before I can agree, Mickey says, “Agreed. Just go on as you guys have, and when the time is right, you can announce it. I think the fact you had a small, intimate wedding will play in your favor.”

The smile Lucia gives him grates on me for all the wrong reasons. It might be a fake marriage, but that doesn’t mean I want her to look at my friend like he hung the fucking moon. “We’re leaving,” I grind out, pulling Lucia to my side.

“Just one second,” Remus says, and I stop. He hands Lucia a small box. “I didn’t know if you’d have a wedding band, so I brought you this.”

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