Page 62 of The Worst Pucking Deal

“I know enough,” he finally says. His hand snakes down my body until it rests perfectly on top of my brand. “I know you’re loyal.” I shiver as he moves his hand down, down, down. But to my disappointment, he doesn’t touch my pussy. Instead, he trails his fingers over the scars on first one thigh, then the other. “And I know someone has taken advantage of you.”

Tears pool in my eyes as I choke back a sob. Sawyer has noticed a lot more than I’ve given him credit for. The intensity in his voice is like a current, threatening to pull me under if I let it. “The same can be said for most people,” I say. My voice cracks, so I clear my throat before continuing. “No one can survive without loyalty, even if it’s just to themselves.”

Sawyer presses his hand tighter against the brand on my hip. “And who are you loyal to, sweet bunny?” he asks.

“Myself,” I retort. This time, my voice holds steady, making my answer strong and almost unyielding. I stiffen, feeling defensive when I feel him nodding. “I wasn’t always like that, Sawyer. If you’d met me before… well, just before, you would have seen how much I cared about other people.”

I don’t know why I’m justifying myself to him, of all people. The only reason I have is that I don’t like him thinking of me as a completely selfish person. I mean, I am… but for some reason, I don’t want that to be how he sees me.

“I know what it’s like not to have anyone to be loyal to,” Sawyer rasps. He leans forward, bending me like a rag doll as he reaches for the tap and turns the hot water back on. “Sometimes it’s not about whether we’re loyal or not, but whether we have anyone in our lives that deserves our loyalty.”

Hmm, that’s… profound. Not something I’d expect to come out of his mouth. “You have your team,” I say. “You’re loyal to the Sabertooths.”

“They’re my family,” he replies. “So yes, I’m loyal to them on and off the ice. But they’re also the only family I have.”

“And your mom,” I say, almost on a scoff. Then I slap my hand over my mouth, immediately regretting the words. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought her back up.” He did say he didn’t want to talk about her, and as someone who doesn’t want to talk about my family, I should respect that.

He chuckles. “No, you shouldn’t have. But you’re right. I have my mom. Except, she’s nothing to me, and I’m even less to her.” Try as he might to hide it, I can hear the underlying hurt in his voice. It doesn’t sound fresh, but more like it’s something he has carried around for years.

“My mom is my blood,” I say, deciding to give him the tiniest bit of information. “But she’s not family. She hasn’t been for years, and she never will be again. If the Sabertooths are your family, I guess Gail is mine.”

“That’s your roommate, right? The one you’ve taken with you to most games?”

I stare up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the way my heart hurts. I miss Gail, and nothing feels the same without her. “Yeah, that’s the one,” I breathe.

“Why wasn’t she with you the other night?”

“Because I fucked up.” Now it’s my turn to bleed my emotions everywhere. My voice betrays the pain I’m carrying around. I’m sure Sawyer will find a way to use it against me at a later date. Yet I don’t regret saying it.

I don’t know what it is about Sawyer. The more time I spend with him, the more I wonder what it would be like if he knew the real me. If we’d met under different circumstances. If, if, if… I let out a wistful sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. Ifs and buts don’t matter. This isn’t a fairy tale where a genie can give me a do-over. It’s life, and there’s only one direction; forward.

As though he can sense my inner turmoil, Sawyer holds me tighter. His hands aren’t seeking my pleasure spots, he’s just… caressing me in an assuring way. It’s both unsettling and just what I need. I rest against him for a beat longer, then I stretch my leg and use my foot to turn the tap back off. The hot water is like a cocoon, keeping us in this moment of bliss where nothing can hurt us.

I’m half asleep when Sawyer asks, “Are you ever going to tell me about Fabian?”

My body reacts on instinct, and I sit up, ramrod straight. I hide my trembling hands between my thighs, squeezing them between the skin he marred. “Absolutely not,” I hiss. Then I realize that was the wrong reaction; the worst, in fact.

“He’s the fucker who cut you.” Sawyer’s tone has dropped several degrees, making it practically icy. Since it’s not a question, I don’t answer. “Tell me it wasn’t him,” he growls.

Since I don’t have a reply, I jerk forward and rush out of the bathtub. Then I reach for the closest towel, and wrap it around me. “Who it was or wasn’t isn’t any of your business, Sawyer,” I seethe. “I appreciate that you took care of me tonight, and I’m glad to know you’re not a complete jerk. But none of that gives you a right to my secrets.”

His nostrils flare, and when he stands, his hands are clenched at his sides. Despite the anger brewing between us, I can’t tear my eyes away from his body. This man… Jesus. The statues back in Rome have nothing on Sawyer’s chiseled, rough, unpolished beauty. Yeah, he isn’t merely handsome—he’s whatever the male equivalent of beauty is.

“What did you just say?” His tone is deceptively low, sending shivers down my spine. Not of fear, like with Fabian, but with… excitement.

“I said—”

He waves me off. “I fucking heard you, bunny. I’m giving you the option to take it back before it’s too late.”

Rather than heeding his warning, I shake my head stubbornly. “I said what I said,” I retort, lifting my chin like a bratty teenager instead of the almost twenty-eight-year-old woman I am. When it comes to Sawyer, I can’t help myself. He’s awakening a side of me I’d long since forgotten ever existed. “I’m not your fucking toy.”

He throws his head back and laughs loudly. “Aren’t you, though?” When he steps out of the tub toward me, I instinctively take one back. “You gave your body to me, bunny. That very much makes you my fuck toy. And since you were never specific about your terms, I also happen to think that whatever happens or happened to your body is my business.”

“No,” I croak, sensing where he’s going with this.

“Yes,” he says, taking another step closer.

My heart thunders in my chest, as I give up on holding the towel together and spin around. I dart out of the bathroom so fast I almost trip over my own damn feet, but I manage to right myself at the last minute.

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