Page 40 of Doctor Daddy Dilemma

My phone rang and I already knew who it was. Mike told me to message him any time I felt like this. Like I was about to break my sobriety. He was my sponsor, the man I met at the hospital when the drug and alcohol counselor suggested him to me. He was a good man, and I was a jerk most of the time, but he kept showing up for me when I needed him. Like now, when I was craving this fix so badly.

I picked up my phone and answered, though it was with a bad attitude. “Mike…”

“Alex, how are you doing? I got your message.” Mike sounded concerned, the same tone Ella used when she was mothering me.

“I’m not good, Mike. I’m staring at some cheap liquor and I really want to drink it.” I clenched my jaw and wished I could take my eyes off the shot glass. But how could I? It was my solution, the medicine that fixed the problem. Just one or two sips and I’d be able to function again, and this time it wasn’t physical withdrawal. It was just the emotional pain.

“I know you think that, Alex, but you don’t. I promise you. You’re doing so well, and you’ve come so far. Imagine going through all that withdrawal again. Remember that you’ve already had a heart attack.” His words sank into my conscience and made me upset with myself. I had the courage to look away from the drink but the disappointment in my own behavior and cravings only made me want it more. I wasn’t just hurt because of Charlie’s secret. Now I was upset with myself for being so stupid.

“Mike, this is so hard.”

“Tell me why you are sober, Alex.”

The silence on the line wrapped around my thoughts directing them back to Charlie, to the pain, to my son, and then finally to my health. I was looking at this the wrong way now. I wanted to be healthy so I didn’t die young, so I could continue to build my practice. But now I had another reason, a better reason to need my health. I had a son. A son who would need his father for a very long time, and that wouldn’t happen if I gave myself another heart attack.

“For my health.”

“For your health, that’s right. And what will putting that drink in your body do?” he asked, and I had done this walk-through a hundred times.

“It will make me sick.” Every word I said made me feel better.

“And if you feel sick what happens?”

“I will keep drinking because I make myself emotionally upset. God, Mike, thank you. I don’t know how to thank you enough.” I picked up the shot glass and held it over the trash can and dropped it in, then stood and carried the bottle to the sink in the corner of the room and poured the entire contents out.

“No problem, Alex. That’s what I’m here for. Now, are you okay? Do you want to go to the meeting tonight?”

“Yeah, I do. I think I should.” I sighed and tossed the empty bottle in the trash and Mike said his goodbyes. Eventually, I’d be able to talk myself down, but until then I needed him. I was grateful for him in my life, even though it had been a huge adjustment having to be vulnerable and open with him. It was one of the reasons I had very few close relationships my entire life.

After washing my face and collecting myself, I went to the exam room to wait for my first patient of the day. Ella said she was a TV personality who wanted some light work done, though she didn’t say what. I figured maybe it was a bit more extensive or she was very shy about it. A lot of clients weren’t up front about what they wanted done right away, especially women. Sometimes they came in thinking they wanted one thing but changed their mind and got something else done later on.

I perched on my stool, and less than two minutes went by before Ella was ushering my new patient into the room. I stood as the door swung open and clasped my hands in front of myself, feeling more confident than ever, and my heart dropped to my feet when Ella stepped aside to let her enter.

“Dr. Hartman, this is Sarah Bricker. She’s here for some light work; I’ll let you discuss that.” Ella seemed to catch the shock on my face as my eyebrows rose. “Is everything okay, sir?”

“I’m fine,” I said curtly and then continued. “Please excuse us, Ella.” But my eyes were fixed on Charlie’s the entire time. She was up to her old tricks, making an appointment under a false name, with false pretenses.

Ella shot me a concerned look and glanced at Charlie before backing out. I had a feeling she was standing at the door listening, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready for this.

“Why are you here?” I asked, trying hard to contain my anger. That drink would have come in very handy right about now.

“Lex, please I want to talk to you. I knew this was the only way you’d see me. I thought I’d have to wait a month to get an appointment.” She moved closer to me, reaching for me but I backed away with both hands raised in defense.

“Please don’t touch me.” Her touch was electrifying. It was all it would take to make me soften, make me vulnerable again. The pain was too much. I was already wrestling with wanting to drink.

“Please, Lex. I never meant to hurt you. I really think if you just let me explain I?—”

“Let you explain?” I asked, feeling furious. “You stormed out of my life without an explanation, while you knew you were pregnant and you hid it from me. You gave birth to my child—MY CHILD—and didn’t tell me.” I felt my chest tightening and my pulse racing. It wasn’t good for my heart, but I couldn’t stop it.

This—this anger and outrage—was why I had left San Francisco five days ago to come home. I was going to say something I didn’t want to say and hurt her.

“Lex, please.”

“No, Charlie. Just leave. I’m not ready to have this discussion.”

“Lex!”

I glared at her, pointing a finger at the door and shouted, “Leave, now.” I didn’t care if Ella heard me. I wasn’t okay.

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