Page 35 of Big & Bossy

“Yeah, man.”

I gave him a skeptical look. “Okay. I know she was hurt, but I’m trying to make up for that now. She has to see that and assuming she does, she could open up at least a little. There have been moments where I’m like, oh my God, there she is. But then she withdraws within the blink of a fucking eye.”

The wind howled around us as we climbed ever higher toward the top of the mountain. As I noticed the fresh air, the cloudy sky, the dense and snow-covered forest beyond the resort, I could understand why Mandy loved this state so much. It made me miss the only trip we’d had here together, the one where I’d finally worked up the nerve to kiss her. My palms had been so sweaty in the frigid winter air and I’d worried about touching her skin, about whether she’d think I was gross for sweating so badly from my nerves.

She didn’t, though.

“You really broke her by leaving, Jack. I don’t think you realize how much,” Wade said, his voice quiet. “You weren’t there, man. She called me almost every day. I don’t know if she knew for sure that I knew where you were, but she at least had an inkling. She cried over the phone; daily turned into weekly and weekly turned into monthly until it slowly fizzled out, but that took almost a year.”

Wade knew where I was. In fact, I think he might have been one of the only people that did. My family knew I was gone and that I was safe, but Wade was the only person I kept in contact with. But it was infrequent. He’d been sworn to secrecy even to this day. “I didn’t have a choice,” I muttered through a steeled jaw, the words hurting as they left my mouth.

The hump of snow hitting my skis warned me that it was time to get off. Wade lifted the bar, sliding effortlessly into a standing position, poles on either side of him. I, on the other hand, barely managed to stay on my feet.

I followed him to where the course began, little yellow flags lining the basic route and red ones lining the harder track. I already knew which one Wade would be going down on. “Jack.”

I turned, my poles stuck firmly in the ground, my skis slipping a little under me. “Yeah?”

“You should tell her what happened,” he said, his eyes solid as they stared at me, not a hint of joking around in his expression. “It’s the only thing that will help her to trust you again.”

No. It was the only word that ran through my head, echoed over and over again. Revisiting that time of my life, having to explain it, having to feel it again… I wasn’t sure I could do that. “I don’t think it’d change anything,” I replied. “She’s determined to hate me no matter what.”

“She’ll always wonder about it, man. It’ll hang over her head until you tell her.” He placed his ski goggles on his face, twisting into his starting position and holding himself in place with the poles. “Just think about it.”

Within a second he was gone, expertly skiing down the hard lane. Clumsily, I pulled my own goggles down, pushing off the top of the mountain and aiming straight toward Wade. I knew my chances of catching up with him were slim to none but I had to try. I had to prove to myself that I wasn’t so far removed from skiing as well as with Mandy. I needed one thing I could latch on to.

Turns out that trying to keep up with an ex-professional skier is harder than I thought. He was flying down the mountain, deep between turns in the trees, avoiding every obstacle that popped up along the route. That left me alone, soloing down the mountain with nothing but my thoughts, trying not to fall.

“Jack.”

I turned my head, the sound of my name echoing in my mind catching me off guard. There wasn’t anybody around me.

“Jack. Fuck, oh my God, Jack, yes.”

Mandy. I could hear her voice as clear as if she were standing right next to me but it was only in my head. Ten years ago back to that night.

“I think you’re going to make me come. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit, Jackson.”

Mandy’s eyes rolled back as her fingers dug into my shoulders, her nails biting, and one by one, her muscles tensed as she cried out. Her body shook, little aftershocks rolling through her. I coached her through every single one.

“Fuck, princess,” I chuckled, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her chin. “You handled this like a champ.”

She giggled as she caught her breath. I’d already found my release inside of her, buried so deep that I thought I’d never come out. She deserved to get hers, too. “Thank you,” she breathed. Her unruly hair was fanned out across the pillow, and I swept it to one side as I laid down beside her, careful not to lay on a single strand.

“You’re welcome.” I tucked myself in closer to her, the sheets pooling around her waist as she breathed heavily on her back. I traced little circles with my fingertips in the center of her chest, over and over, my eyes growing heavy. I could tell her, I thought, the idea of confessing even more of my wants with her pinging around in my head. I wanted her, I loved her, and I could keep her forever.

Before a word was able to cross my lips I was too far gone into sleep, too calm with her next to me.

When my eyes opened again, they were trained on the soft glow of my phone screen. It buzzed softly, a number that I recognized far too well. Against my back, Mandy’s warmth clung to me, her soft breaths telling me she was still fast asleep. Hesitantly, I lifted the phone to my ear.

“What? It’s three in the fucking morning,” I whispered harshly. Phone calls from them were never good, and I’d never received one this untimely.

“Ten-twelve-eighteen-two,” the person recited. It was a passcode, a notifier that this was an important call, indeed from the people I suspected.

“Eight-six-fourteen-twenty,” I said quietly, irritation dripping off every word. “Now what the fuck do you want?”

“Stay where you are.”

Goosebumps prickled my skin.

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