Page 113 of His Tesoro

I let him push me out of the room and away from my love.

59

SOFIYA

Iwas numb as Dr. Amato took my blood. She was on her third attempt to stick me, but I barely felt it.

I was piled under blankets, but the only thing keeping me warm, keeping me somewhat tethered to reality, was Noodle’s soft body against mine. He refused to move from my side. His head rested against my chest, the pressure keeping my panic at bay.

“Sofiya? Can you hear me? Sofiya?”

I jerked as I realized Dr. Amato was speaking to me. Time was running too slow and fast. The room spun around me, adding to my disorientation. I turned my head to face her. Her forehead was pinched with concern, her eyes sad, but I felt nothing. It was as if the cold had frozen my emotions.

Fine by me.

I didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to be. I’d thought I had everything I wanted. Everything I dreamed of. Now it was gone, and the worst part was I didn’t understand why. What had I done to make my husband hate me? To make him want to torture me? Had anything we experienced been real?

I flinched as Dr. Amato touched my face.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’d like to take your temperature again and also give you a bag of IV fluids. You’re very dehydrated.”

I couldn’t find any words to speak.

“How about some hot chocolate?” she asked. “It will help get you warm.”

I closed my eyes. Maybe I could block out the whole world.

Maybe I could just fade away.

Noodle nudged his cold, wet nose against my neck. I tried to ignore him, but he grew more and more insistent until I painstakingly removed my hand from underneath the weight of all the blankets to pat his head. A surge of emotion went through my chest at his gentle touch, the softness of his fur, but I quickly squashed it down. I wasn’t brave enough to face reality.

I curled around Noodle’s body, wrapping both arms around him. “I missed you,” I murmured. “Did you miss me?”

Noodle let out a long sigh, as if saying yes.

“Do I have your permission to give you IV fluids?” Dr. Amato asked.

I stayed pressed against Noodle, but nodded. It wasn’t like I cared about what happened anymore. The doctor could do whatever she wanted.

A metallic taste in my mouth told me she’d started the fluids. I kept my eyes closed.

“I’m going to bring your blood work to the lab, and I’ll be back this evening to check on you again.” She hesitated before asking, “Do you want anyone to sit with you while I’m gone?”

“No,” I said, my voice hoarse and broken.

I didn’t want anyone to see me.

No one was safe.

Dr. Amato opened the door, and I caught a brief glimpse of Matteo before it shut again. He looked ruined, with dark marks under red-rimmed eyes.

What did he have to be upset about?

I pressed my face into Noodle’s fur and closed my eyes, letting sleep take me away.

“Sofiya?”

Dr. Amato’s words floated their way to me, as if they had to cross a great chasm of space to reach me.

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