Page 37 of Ruled By Their Desires

They all watched them do exactly that. Marcus moved the glasses to her uncles to use. They each watched for a while. “We need to move.” Marcus told them.

No shit Sherlock!

“The four of you split up, go to our nearest posts tell them to stay out of sight and keep an eye on them. They are not to engage and give our position away. We’re heading straight for the base to find that tracker. Meet us there when our patrols know what’s going on. Lockdown is in place. Set up runners, there’s likely some KC’s down there we can’t see. No one gets a pass to the base.” He told them and they nodded.

“Can’t you message them?” she asked.

“No, they might be able to track that too.”

“Fuck.” She looked at her uncles. “Be careful. I expect to see you back at base so I can chew you out okay.”

“Love you too little bit.” Hawk told her the others smiling. “Nice snare work by the way and defusing your smoke, hardly smelt it at all.” He blew her a kiss.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah okay but I’m still pissed.”

“But your tracking and survival skills got a real workout. Good job too.” Spike told her like a proud uncle.

“You know I love those pancake things you make, real good Moon.” Comet told her nodding and smiling.

“And those nuts and roots you found, those were real good in that porridge thing.” Crash told her.

She shook her head. “Oh my god, seriously?” They all nodded smiling. She looked at Marcus. “I don’t even know what you’re doing here. And what did you particularly like?” she asked sarcastically.

“Watching you bath was a particular favourite, I’d rather have been with you, but they held me back.” Her uncles sniggered.

“Grrrrr.” She threw her arms in the air again. “What’s with all the fucking sexual stuff all of a sudden! I liked you better when you were like dead smelly fish that stayed buried, when I didn’t know you and you were invisible!” She whisper shouted and walked in the right direction for home to her uncles sniggers. “Be careful unc’s.” She called out. “We’ll be having words about bringing the nasty with you.”

She could hear Marcus coming after her and increased her pace. She didn’t need that ass to get home. “We haven’t even done the nasty yet whataya talking about? But we’re going to fix that Moon real soon.” He called out quietly behind her.

She huffed. “In your dreams. Fuck! You can’t keep your trap shut for a damn second!” she whisper cried out. “I’m gonna kill you guys!” She could hear their chuckles as she walked away starting to jog. There was no need to be quiet now. Their people needed to hear them coming.

Hitting the first check post an hour later, Marcus gave his orders to scout in the direction they’d come from before taking one of the cars and heading straight for the base, foot down. She said nothing as they drove along track after track clearing the entrances, watching the landscape speeding by around them.

“Nothing to say Moon?”

“No. My Dad should have never sent you after me in the first place.”

“He didn’t. I volunteered.” She said nothing to that. She didn’t want to know why. “Don’t want to know why?” he pushed reading her.

No she fucking didn’t.

She heard him sigh. “Look, I’m out of practice at this shit. I’m sorry okay. I shouldn’t have tried to take the quad from you as a child or been an asshole or ignored you all these years okay.” She didn’t really think now was the time for confession, but he kept going. “I will admit, I was an ass. I did not want a personal human connection ever again. When I woke from my servitude and became SC, I understood my family was gone. All of them. My parents, my wife, my children, my brothers, and their families. All of them gone…“ She could hear the pain in his voice.

“My wife was everything to me and our children. She was the love of my life and I never wanted to experience that kind of loss again or expect to feel that level of love again. I didn’t want it. It seemed like a betrayal to them to even think it. Understanding what I’d lost, almost broke me and I didn’t want to ever feel that again. Refused to. It was a long time ago now, but it stays with you and never really goes away. Hating the emotion, it made things simple, easier. And we all live with knowing what we did as KC’s. Nothing about that life was kind or gentle. The brutality we can inflict never leaves us either. We live with knowing that. My reaction to you as a child being so open and welcoming was….. fear. What you told me scared me the shit out of me and my fear locked any chance of my emotions away. You called me on it. Saw it in me. I’d admit it was a shock. I never expected another child to want to hold me or take my hand or be my friend. And definitely not one who would challenge me, ask me to love them, take my best warriors and deal with being who we were, far better than me.” He shook his head like he was remembering it.

“And I didn’t want them or you, to go through that kind of loss either. All SCs have been through so much loss already Moon and remember it. I was worried, they were so invested. If you died, that loss would finally shut them down or they’d die with you dependent on them, leaving you vulnerable and with nothing but them in it. It’s highly likely that we will all die fighting anyway.” He shrugged. “I thought it would be best for everyone if we kept it professional. But they were adamant that they wanted to know you, be the family they’d all lost, that knowing you, having your love, would be more than worth the loss when it eventually came.”

She sighed. “Look, I get it and I’m sorry for your loss, for all your losses. The quad rarely talk of their families from before being KC because it’s so hard for them. I think they should, but they chose not to, and I respect that. But celebrating who those people were, remembering them with love, affection, with their devotion gives you something to hold on to that’s precious and should never be forgotten but that is for them to do or not. But in the end, we all fear loss Marcus. We live with it every day.”

“Not that kind of loss Moon. You’ve no idea.” He told her quietly.

She nodded biting her lip. He was right she hadn’t experienced that kind of loss or had to live with knowing that it was partly her fault they were gone. “You’re right. I can’t compare anything with it or even understand it, until I experience it and I hope I never have to. You were right to hold it close. To cherish it. I can’t compete with that, I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“And yet, you’re still pursuing me. It’s unsettling and I don’t like it.”

“I know that too.”

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