Page 31 of It Never Was

It was Gabe's Junior year of high school, and they were driving back from one of Gabe's football games and hit a patch of black ice.

I left the hotel the minute I hung up the phone, I drove the four hours to the hospital they were at and found only my mother and Gabe were in ICU.

The doctors and law enforcement went over what had happened based on evidence and statements from the scene. Apparently when they hit a patch of black ice the car spun out and crossed into the oncoming traffic and right into a logging truck. They said my father was killed on impact and my mother and Gabe were in critical condition. As of now they weren't sure if they would make it through but were doing everything in their abilities.

The waiting room was filled with all different kinds of people, all waiting for loved ones in the ICU just like me. It was the quietest room I have ever been in, the minutes dragged on like hours and everyone in the room would stand when the doors opened and a person in uniform came in. The air would grow thick while we all waited the seconds it took them to state the name to the room, the shoulders would either lax or the heads would bow, watching the ones follow the uniform out of the room.

I watched my legs bounce and my hands fidget, only baring to look up a few times. The people look just as distressed and distraught as I did, and I honestly couldn't take it.

The minute the doors opened, and I heard the person in scrubs say Evans, I was out of my seat and across the room in a matter of milliseconds.

Everything about that day is a hazy blur, flashes of words and scenery.

They told me my mother didn't make it. The internal bleeding was too severe.

The effect of the news made my head lull as the dizziness hit me, my gut was in my throat, and I tried to swallow the bile that made its way up. My mother is gone. I will never be able to call her for our weekly updates or go over my new recipes with her. She will no longer be cheering me on in my journey through the latter of the pastry world. She was my biggest cheerleader. Even after my father disowned me for not taking his offer and my, in his words, born duty to his legacy of the Evans&Evans law firm. My mother was there for me keeping me in the loop of how Gabe was going and even going out of the way to visit me in the city. She never let the disappointment my father felt for me to ever shade her love for me.

The sound of Gabe's name from the man in scrubs makes me snap back to hospital hallways, the muffled sounds clear and I hear him say that my brother was now stable but still needing to be watched as he had a fractured spine, multiple broken ribs and they had put him in an induced coma because of some swelling in his brain. I don't even remember them walking me to his room but when I looked up, I was there in front of his bed, wires and tubes were all around him. The beeps and hissing of machines filled the air along with the sterilized aroma.

I crumbled at his side. I am not one to pray, I don't have a religious bone in my body like my parents did, but in that moment, I prayed to whatever the fuck was out there, if there was anything or anyone out there, to let my brother live. I needed my brother, if I couldn't have my parents' back, if they didn't survive, don't let it take him as well.

He woke up three days later.

He woke up from the coma, but it took a long time for him to be him again.

Hell, it took a long time for us to be us again.

Gabe took a lot of the guilt for that night and put it on himself. He blamed his football game, the fact that he made the winning touchdown, and the fact that he was the one to distract our dad in the car with a celebratory dance as he turned up the music on the stereo.

Gabe doesn't talk about it more than he needs to, but I can see the small bit of guilt that still lingers in his eyes sometimes.

The year after was a hot mess and I am still trying to make it better for him.

This move was a big part of helping him heal, giving him a fresh start, and I can tell it was exactly what he needed.

I pull out of the parking lot when I see a figure making their way down the sidewalk off campus.

Ryen.

Even with the hood of her coat covering her face, I know it's her. The way she is walking, hips swaying in the way that drives me crazy. The bag she carries everywhere perched on her shoulder. She is walking back to work for her car.

I slowed down enough for her to make her way down the street before turning down that way.

"What are you doin'?" Gabe looks at me.

"Shush."

"Why are you shushing me?" His eyes follow where my gaze is set on, "Are you following a girl right now?"

"Again, shush." I park on the same street as the coffee shop. Close enough to see Ryen make it there safely, but far enough away that she won't see me watching.

I see a car in the parking lot with a guy leaning up against it, in his own world scrolling his phone and my eyes snap back to Ryen. Her head is still down trying to block out the cold from hitting her face. She is about to pass by him and my body tenses. I don't like the look of this guy. I don't know him but there is just something about how he is carrying himself that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up and the blood on my veins boil.

I don't trust this guy.

"You know she can't hear us, right?" He leans in closer, resting on the center console.

"Yes. I know that." I wave him off, rolling my eyes as I keep my focus on Ryen who is about to pass right by this sketchy guy.

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