Page 35 of It Never Was

"Guys are gonna want to shoot their shot. But fuck, Rye, you don't have to give it to them. Remember what I said they want?"

"All they want is to put their dicks deep in your cunt, Ryen!"

I think about all the times Devon has told me this exact line when he sees a guy looking at me or when a guy even so much as smiles at me. It makes me feel small to think guys only want me for one thing. Him talking to me this way makes me feel even smaller.

"Yeah, I remember…" my voice comes out sounding broken this time; I keep staring at his hands on my thighs and the sting of tears start to come to the surface.

Devon grips on to my thigh and reaches the other hand to my chin, grasping it firmly and yanking my face to his. I have been avoiding his eyes as much as I could because I am terrified at what I will see, and what I might feel.

"Ryen, eyes on me." His voice is deeper now, but still dominating. I look to my left to see Willow has moved to the kitchen behind the doors. Of course, he waited till she wouldn't see this.

"Now," he breathes out.

I raise my gaze to him, shivers blooming at the sight of the darkness in his eyes. How can they possibly get that dark when they are the color of honey? Honey is supposed to be sweet, but his are cold.

"Good, so you can listen." My jaw tries to drop open at his response, but his hold keeps it in place. His hand that is gripping my thigh starts to inch up towards my core.

"This is what is gonna go down, okay? You are going to apologize…" his grip slides further up the denim, "…I will apologize." His fingers dig deep into my chin. I wince at the pain that starts to develop, and a spark of heat lights up in Devon's eyes. His hold on my leg now meets the crease where my thigh and center meet, my body instantly reacts, making my clit throb. I should not be turned on right now. He is scaring me. He is hurting me. But it's Devon; my body always reacts to Devon.

"You can apologize first…" His words are much more hushed, his face inching closer.

I go to pull away, but he grabs the back of my neck to keep me in place. The spot on my chin pulses from where his hand was.

He starts to tisk at me.

"That is not very nice of you. Where are your manners? I need a proper apology."

"I—I …" I stutter out. My voice sounds so small.

"You what? Come on, use your words," he pokes.

"I do—don't know what I am apologizing for…" My words get caught in my throat.

"Here, I can make it easier for you…" his voice is demeaning, "repeat after me, alright?"

My gaze is on fire, but I feel so broken. I am fuming at his words, yet I can't fight him. My body and mind won't let me.

"Devon," he starts, "I am sorry for fucking around behind your back like a whore." My leg starts to shake. "I will never do it again and I have learned my lesson. Can you ever forgive me?" he tells me, like he is feeding me my lines from a script.

"But I wasn't—" My voice is cut short as he jerks my neck, causing me to tear up. A dull pain shoots down my neck. I swear I see excitement in his eyes as I scrunch my face from the pain.

Silence engulfs the room, causing my ear to ring. He pushes his fingers into the hair on the back of my head and grips it tightly. I whimper as the pain shoots up my scalp, and I am tugged closer to his face. Our lips are almost touching now. He trails his thumb over my pussy through the denim of my jeans softly.

"Come on, Ryen. Use those college words," he taunts against my lips.

I let out a small gasp.

My core is disobeying me.

I am beginning to want him. I start to crave him touching me. Not because I am turned on by his actions. I am waiting for his touch to feel…loving. Anything but the way he is right now.

Because this hurts.

Tears trickle down my cheek. I can feel myself caving into him; I want to give him what he wants just so he will stop, so I can have the Devon that makes me feel good, not this Devon.

This Devon scares the shit out of me.

"I—I am so—sorry for fucking around behind your back like…" I pinch my eyes close not wanting to repeat his words, but that grants another forced grip at the roots of my hair, and I open my eyes again to meet his gaze, "—like a whore. I will never do it again and I have learned my lesson." I can see the hunger start to invade his eyes, and I tear up more hoping this will end. Hoping he will touch me softly to make up for this… "Can you ever forgive me?" The last words are so soft I am not sure he even heard them. But he must have, because in return he places a kiss on my forehead, his lips smooth and warm against my skin.

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