Page 80 of It Never Was

"You don't have to worry about me. I won't shatter into a million pieces if I am the only one alone." He pauses, turning to me, "I know you have been hyper fixated on me this last year since mom and dad…" He averted his eyes to his feet, kicking something that I don't see, "I'm okay," he adds.

Gabe hasn't been able to fully talk about how he feels since the accident but this effort he is putting in doesn't go unnoticed. I walk up cupping his shoulder and giving him a pat, "That means a lot to know that Gabe, really."

He nods robotically, still looking to his feet, "You should be allowed to be happy. Ryen looks like she makes you happy." He clears his throat and brings his gaze to me now. The mist in his eyes causes me to haul him into a rough hug.

"She does, but I will always be your big brother. I am here for you no matter what. I am not going anywhere." I strengthened the hug and his arms wrapped around me, fully embracing the moment.

He leans away and looks at me with seriousness in his own eyes this time, "I know you will be." And with that he walked into the house.

48

Ryen

The library is eerie this time of night with the void of voices and just the ruffle of the pages, scratches of pens, and typing of keyboard that ring through the large room. There are more people than usual due to the upcoming exams, and everyone is so absorbed in their own worlds that no one bothers to pay much attention to what each other is doing.

I have my earbuds in, textbook out and I am comparing notes from the text to the review exam getting a master study sheet ready to have on hand this next week. I need to pass this exam so I can stay on track to graduate on time. All the other classes have come easily but since day one this professor has had it out for me.

My music helps me to stay on task as my hands work swiftly and my eyes bounce from page to page. I bob my head as I crank out page after page. I must have lost track of time because before I know it there is a sudden tap on my shoulder. I leap in the seat, grasping the chair to stay in place, and try to steady my breathing as I see it is just the TA that works here.

She pushes her bouncy blonde hair behind her ear, looking at me more carefully now, "Sorry I didn't mean to startle you, but we are gonna be locking up here in a few minutes." She says gently, my hands still gripping the sides of the chair.

"Shit," I huff out, "Is it already 10?" I grab at my phone to check the time, holy fuck it is.

"Yeah, it is, you were really into your study sesh. Good luck on your exam." The TA says as she makes her rounds to other students around the library. At least I'm not the only one.

I hustle to pack my things, hoping the good luck from her will actually work for this course's exam.

Yeah right.

Stepping out onto the campus lawn, the night air is so cold it feels like it hits to the bone. I zip my hoodie, flapping the hood over my head and dipping my chin in the opening. Starting the walk to the shop, cursing myself for not just studying at home. But with Sharry being AWOL more than usual, and the stalker feelings I have been having whispering in the back of my head, staying around people just made me more at ease. Which is humorous because crowds are not something I seek out, but desperate time calls for desperate measures.

With just the thought the feeling of being watched flows over my whole body and I feel overly exposed out here on the front lawn of the campus. I try to assess the area without being too obvious about what I am doing.

Great. I'm a crazy person now…

I huff out and see my breath right in front of me, the feelings flood me now and I scan more frantically when I see a glimpse of someone behind me. I don't look for too long, but my feet pick up their pace without hesitation.

I need to get to my car.

I can make out the person behind me step's start to match my speed and I rip my phone from my pocket.

I dial the first person I can think of.

It only rings once and his voice makes its way through the phone, "It's late. What's wrong? You okay?"

My feet slow down as his voice calms my panicked nerves a bit. How can just a few words he speaks make my head go so quiet and my body relax?

"Ryen!" He booms on the other line.

"Yes, I think." I stutter out.

"You think? Where are you?"

"I am walking back to the shop to get my car." My words are hushed.

"You are just now leaving campus?" He states flatly, "Ryen I would have picked you up if I knew you were gonna be there this late."

"I didn't know I was gonna stay till after class, and then—" The steps behind me have stopped and I freeze for a moment, "I called 'cause I think someone is following behin—"

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