Page 29 of It Never Was

"If you say so, man."

"Just talk to her, bro." He shoots back before stocking the cooler with Bud Light.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

I make my way to the back of the bar, needing to take a breath away from Luke. My mind steers, the darkness clouding every judgement I have. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. The voice in the back of my head spinning me out of control, taking the reins when the weak side of me started to feel bad for what I do. I used to think it was there to torment me, to make me feel guilty, but I learned quickly it was there to let me know who I truly was.

Visions of Ryen hitting the ground, fear in her as I towered over her flash in my head. Thoughts of my hands wrapping around her throat as tears leaked down her soft cheeks. I can hear the sound of her begging me to stop faintly in the back of my skull.

My blood pumped faster.

The need to see that terror in her eyes was taking over. I need to see it, feel it, own it. My skin crawls with desire, my breath picks up as I let the need consume me.

I need her.

17

Ryen

My shift is ending, and I can feel the adrenaline start to leave my body. As uncomfortable as Parker's presence made me today, I was thankful not to be running around from the back to the front. I was able to breathe more than I was before with Marge. Don't get me wrong, Marge was a sweetheart and a big help, but I still had to help her with most things throughout my shift. Parker needed no help; he was on top of everything he needed to be, which makes sense since he is used to a more demanding environment. I wonder if it was a bit boring for him today.

"You gonna clock out or just keep cleaning the same spot on the counter for the next hour?" Willow's voice causes me to snap back into reality. "You only have so long to study before you need to get to campus. Clock out." She says to me, grabbing the sanitizer rag from my hand and giving me a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, you are right. I just zoned out for a second." I let out a deep sigh. "Thanks, Willow."

I take my ass to the back of the shop, pushing open the kitchen door, my body feeling heavier with every step. The kitchen is cleaned up, and all the ovens and other equipment are off for the day. I must have been elsewhere physically or mentally that I didn't notice Parker leave for the day. We are off at the same time, and my shift was over fifteen minutes ago, which is early for me. I am too tired to even think about it any longer. I need all my energy—which isn't much--to study and finish up the rough draft of my essay for the class that starts in a few hours. Luckily, I'll have all the caffeine I need as I study in the lobby.

How exciting.

My headache starts to set in the minute my computer screen lights up. I just sat down in the shop's lobby, and I already wanted to throw in the towel. I know it is mostly because of the fact that I have been running on fumes the last month having to do double duty, and school this semester is no joke. I have been paired with professors that are strict as hell and are not holding back on the workload. I rub my temples and link my headphones with my laptop and start up some music to get me into the flow. I have to get motivated even if all I want to do is lay in bed and dream the day away.

Yeah, dream of tattooed arms with smoky eyes!

No, no!

I shake my head to rid myself of the image of Parker and his toned arms, his smoky eyes on me, his side grin that makes my stomach do summersaults. He makes it hard not to think about it. I bet every girl who meets him struggles getting him out of their head. I place the headphones over my ears and start my playlist named Rock My Panties Off, the sound of Metallica coming through my speakers. My head starts to rock to the beat and my eyes start to focus on the screen ahead. I can feel myself start to zone-in on the assignment and I am thankful for the bit of motivation I was able to muster up.

An hour goes by, and I feel like I have been sitting in this chair for triple that. My hands type away as a tray is placed on top of my keyboard, abruptly blocking me from typing. The tray is full of neatly cut tastings of all the pastries that Parker put in the case this morning. Each item is held in a mini cupcake liner with a toothpick in each. It looks like a tray that caterers carry around in movies at swanky parties or fundraisers, whatever they call them. I am taken aback at what I am looking at. I snap my head up and the smoky-eyed pastry chef is looking down at me, his fine arms linked behind his back.

I thought he had left already! Why is he still here?

I see his lips start to move but cannot hear the words. My face scrunches up in confusion, only to realize I still have my music on full blast in my headphones. I snatch the earbuds from my ears. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said here are the pastries for you to taste and approve," Parker looks back at the tray and then back to me, "or not approve." He grins.

Fuck, that grin.

"Oh, thanks. They are beautiful." I say as I stare at the tray, trying to give myself time to breathe before I look back at that grin.

"Let me know what you think. I put an extra pithivier on there for you. Hope it is up to your standards." He drags his hand across his face. "I am about to head out but wanted to make sure you got some fresh tasters."

"You stayed for this?" I gestured to the tray. "I could have gotten it myself. You didn't have to make it all five-star like you're used to." A piece of hair falls over my face and his eyes watch it cascade down. For a split second it felt as if he wanted to move it out of my face. My core heats at the thought. That couldn't have been real; Willow is putting things into my head. But for a second, I let my mind wander. He is too damn attractive to not imagine all these things.

"I'll leave you to your…studies?" His eyebrows arch as he forms the question.

"I am working on an assignment for class. I attend WSU here in town. Junior year." I answer. "You said your brother is going there, right?"

"Yeah, he is. I didn't realize you went there too." He looks at my face like he is searching for something.

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