Page 40 of It Never Was

I don't want this. I don't want this!

But my body doesn't listen to my pleas and jumps over the cliff. My climax is hollow and empty. A cry releases from my lips, one that begs my mind to forgive my body for its response. His hand grips me tighter on my neck and I can't get any air in.

He finds his release quick after a final skin tearing thrust.

Labored breathing as he shuffles off me, tucking his dick back in his pants.

I start to shake uncontrollably.

"What the fuck is your problem Ryen?" His voice is smooth now, dry. "We were just having fun." He pulls the top of his jeans back up onto his waist, beginning to zip them back into place.

"That wasn't fun." I strain to say through the tears, the fog of memories coming in and out of my mind.

"Yeah, your pussy says differently." He scoffs out.

"It's a game that only you and I play, okay? It's fun!" he would say.

My mind comes back to the living room from my intrusive memories. My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest, a cold sweat spreads through my body as I begin to shake uncontrollably. My body is freezing with the air touching the sweat. Sitting up I try to cover my naked half by pulling my sweater down with one hand as much as I can, the other holding myself tight.

I can't get enough air into my lungs.

"Geez…" Devon mutters as he looks at me over, "Are you seriously triggered right now? We were having a good time."

I can't stop shaking my head as he speaks. He is acting as if this was a role play, as if this was something I wanted and I allowed.

"Why don't I give you some time to calm down." He says pulling his keys from the coffee table.

"I-I—I" I stutter out between gasps for air.

I know what just happened, why is he acting this way?

Like I was in the wrong.

He motions to leave, heading to the front door. I try to get him to stay, I don't want to be alone as my mind goes down its dark hole, swimming in the memories I lock up. But he doesn't seem to acknowledge how I am feeling, the extent of my panic.

"You need time to relax. I am going to give it to you." He continues to the front door. I reached out for him from the cushion, but he had already walked out of my reach.

"I-I just need a minute, don't leave please!" I plead. My sobs burning my throat. Tears soak my face.

He looks me up and down, "You need more than a minute Ryen." His arm crossed in front of his chest. He was the one that did this to me, why did I even want him to stay?

I needed someone, anyone. Him.

He lets out an exasperated, annoyed sigh. "Maybe you...we both just need a little time to ourselves…" he states looking at me, watching the tears and the gasps. His focused eyes turn to disgust.

Wait. What?

Did you just tell me we are breaking up?

What is he talking about?

"What-t? What do you mean?" I stumble on my words, my thoughts. I can feel the weakness in my knees as I try to stand, but I brace myself on the arm of the couch for the strength to stay up right.

"You take time for you. I take time for me." He stated dryly, "I think you need to figure out what you want…'cause I thought we wanted the same things. But lately you are just a mess Ryen." I wipe my eyes, but the tears just flood my vision again. "I mean look at how you are reacting to us fooling around."

"Fooling around?" I breathe out, "Y-you – you are breaking up with me?"

"I don't know Rye, take it as you will. You need to figure your shit out."

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