Page 47 of It Never Was

She lives a whole three blocks away from me. I can't tell if I am elated to find that information out or if I should be bothered that she not only works with me and goes to the same school as my brother. But that we lived so close to one another. All I know is that it doesn't fill me with dread.

I didn't need this kind of distraction. I was here for my brother, to help him find his way in this new college stage of his life, not to find a girl. I told myself that this was a fresh start for Gabe and me, after everything we have been through this last year. Gabe needed this. He needed me.

But I could feel her all around me as we sat in the car, the smell of her, like coffee and lilac, took over the air. It was hard to not feel her there next to me. Her eyes were on me, her full lips parting. I caught her stealing glances at my face, wandering on my body, occasionally stopping on my lips. I couldn't stop peaking her way either though. I wanted to stare at her. But seeing as I was the one driving and crashing was not a good idea, I had to steal glances at every chance I could. I couldn't help myself.

She watched me sing along with my Metallica playlist, she looked so entertained. I couldn't help but smile at her enjoyment. I wanted to know what else made her happy, what made her laugh. What could I do to take the pain that she hid behind her eyes away?

She was shifting in her seat after she saw that I saw her watching me. I saw the pain return to her eyes.

She was definitely hiding something. I could feel the sadness consuming her. I tried to find out what was wrong, but like an idiot I touched her. I put my hand on her arm for her to know I was here for her. She backed herself so close to the door I was worried she would try to open it and roll out as an escape from me. Her eyes grew watery, and her mood shifted. She was quiet the whole way to the shop after that.

She looked like she was in and out of her thoughts. Something was bothering her. I could see it right behind her eyes. She looked like she was in pain. She did an amazing job at masking it when she would look over at me, but I could see her slip when she thought I wasn't looking. I saw her lost in her thoughts as she stared at her hands. I wanted to ease her mind. It took all of me not to pull her hand into mine and press further to what was bothering her so much, in hopes it would cause her pain to fade away, but I told myself that would probably make things worse.

Not to mention highly inappropriate.

I just hoped I wasn't the reason she felt this way. That I wasn't making her uncomfortable.

She wasn't lying about her car, because when we pulled into the parking lot, it was in the same spot I saw it during every one of her shifts.

Now why someone would bail on her at two in the morning, making her walk to work was what I needed to find out.

She isn't yours to worry this much about.

As we parked, I rushed around to the other side to help her out of the car, grabbing her bag for her. She tried to protest but I wasn't letting her win this argument. I wanted to help, even if it was as small as carrying her bag to work for her.

What are you doing Parker?

Her fingers grazed mine as I took it out of her hands, and I swear I heard her let out a small gasp, bringing her eyes to mine. We stayed there for a moment, one that seemed to stretch longer than it should have between two people who barely knew each other. The shock of electricity that ran down my hand, lingered there all day. If that small touch took over my mind like it did, what would a full touch do…a kiss.

I'd be a goner.

She has kept her distance ever since our drive to work together two days ago, and it is driving me crazy. She is polite, says good morning and goodbye. Not talking to me further than necessary for co-workers. It wasn't a long time with her in the car, but it made me want more. It was a taste of finding out who she was. I need her to talk to me more, but no matter how much I tried to start a conversation with her, she brought it to a halt. I am determined to crack the barrier she is trying to put between us.

What is her deal?

Is she embarrassed about the other day?

Why do I care?

Willow arrived not too long ago for her shift, she and Ryen are now talking as they stock the front of the house. I am piling the pastries for the case onto one tray to go fill it up before the doors are unlocked, and we open for the day.

A thought comes to mind, maybe Willow could be a cushion…

"Hey!" I lean against the door frame that connects the kitchen to the front of the shop, tray in hand. Both Ryen and Willow looked my way, not knowing who I was talking to.

"Ryen…" I clarified, and Willow seemed to deflate a little at that. Willow has made no advances but from the small looks she gives me and the hushed remarks she makes to Ryen. It's no secret she finds me attractive. Ryen on the other hand seems to fall into herself, her face void of emotions from my directness that I am talking to her.

"You know what I was thinking?" I ask nonchalantly, filling the quiet pause, Ryen won't verbally acknowledge me.

Even though what I am about to suggest is out of place and risky. I am just trying to get her to talk, so I am playing the only card I have in my deck. She could ignore me or get pissed. I pressed on anyway, making my way towards her to get to the case.

"What have you been thinking Parker? New menu items? New order for ingredients?" She lists answers that relate to work. Ways to keep this conversation professional.

Her eyes never meet mine. They stay on the task at hand, filling the grinder with fresh espresso beans, stance not budging as I start to pass her, wanting to stop in front of her and turn her to look at me.

I want her to look at me.

I want to see those sparkling emeralds.

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