Page 52 of It Never Was

Of course, it fucking matters.

"Who did this?" I repeat without giving her statement the time of day.

"I need to get back to work, Willow shouldn't have to clean up my messes, and neither should you." Her tone is dry, her eyes face the door.

"I'll find out who did this," I gently turned her face back to mine, "…and they won't be able to touch you like that again."

The moment seems to stand still as she doesn't look away, the sound of her breathing picks up. I rub my thumb along her jawline, earning me a view of Ryen shivering at my touch, causing my heart to speed up.

The door slams into me, Ryen takes a step back creating more distance between us.

"Ryen, can you…" Willow bellows as she marches through. "Oh, shit sorry!" She looks at me as I am catching my balance, then to Ryen and gives a smirk when her eyes fall on me again.

"Am I interrupting?" Her sarcastic words seem to hit Ryen harder than Willow intended them too.

"No." she says flatly as she scurries away from my side.

Willow follows Ryen as she makes her way out of the kitchen. I can hear Willow pestering Ryen with questions about what just happened, the doors swing shut behind them. Leaving me to stew in my emotions. I am jumping from one to the other. Anger, empathy, caring, all of it.

My jaw ticks with each emotion I feel.

Shit.

She might think this is over because Willow saved her by ramming me with a door, but it is far from over. I will find out who touched her…and I will rip their fucking throat out.

29

Ryen

A nauseous weight has been heavy in my stomach as I highlight passages in my textbook, marking notes on post-its as I read the longest chapter ever. The sick feeling in the pit of my gut has been here ever since the encounter with Parker a couple weeks back.

A mixture of anxiety, guilt, and of course want. Willow hasn't let me live any of that day down the past weeks. She has been hounding me with questions that I am not ready to answer. Trying to pull any bit of information she can out of me.

The thought of Willow knowing even just a small bit of what Devon has done makes my stomach sink even more, as if I swallowed a lead brick. She would never look at me the same. I don't think I can face it, but that's nothing new. I avoid conflict as much as I can. Why would this be any different?

If Willow's million questions weren't enough, Parker has been more attentive as well. The things he has been doing, saying, and making me feel. It's both unnerving and the most comforting thing I have ever experienced. He has been meeting me in the parking lot in the mornings of all my shifts to walk me from my car to the shop. I keep telling him it is not necessary, that I have been walking myself to and from since I started here. He didn't listen, because every morning he had been there, waiting. Let's just say Paul is more than approving of Parker keeping me safe.

His words to be exact were "I am just glad someone is looking out for you for once that isn't Willow or myself. I like knowing you're safe, Rye."

And it is not just the parking lot escort that Parker is doing, he also keeps asking me about my life, how I got to work at Morning Cup, and all the little things about myself.

I don't mind him asking, for fuck's sake, I love it when he does. Talking to him has been a big thing I have been looking forward to when I come to work now. The small talk that turns from "How was your class last night?" to "What are your plans after college?" He makes me feel like I can talk to him about anything. I even talked to him about my mother…not sure how we got to that subject, but we did. I don't know what exactly is happening with him, but I do know I don't want it to stop. I don't want to lose the way he makes me feel. I am lighter around him.

He would talk to me about the smallest thing like a new menu item he was contemplating, and we would end up down a wormhole of research and collaborating ideas, then all of a sudden, he was teaching me how to make it.

I am not sure if he feels the same or if this is just who he is with people. I see him being polite and joke around with Willow but there is a line between them, and maybe that was on Willow's end and not his. Since she had this thing in her head about Parker having eyes for me and not her. Either way, they never had the in-depth conversation we had when it was us for the first couple of hours in the morning.

What about Devon, slut?

Fuck.

What about Devon…he left me in shambles. I haven't spoken to him since that night. There have been no calls to him or texts. Not one has come from him as well. I know I need to talk to him, to get clarity on the situation…on us, but every time I grab my phone to be the one to start the conversation I want to puke. My gut swirls and turns, sweat starts to pool on my forehead, and my mouth goes dry.

Every time I end up taking a shower to clean off the way my skin feels, it feels heavy, as if there was a massive layer of dirt coating my entire body, and no matter how much I scrub the ever-living shit out of it, the layer is never truly gone.

It feels like all it does is spread around causing clumps in certain areas. Like when you have butter or grease on your hands from cooking, and you try to wash it off with hot water, but it takes multiple pumps of dish soap and scrubbing to finally get that thick coat of fatty film off your skin. Only with me no amount of soap will help dissolve this dirt off, I don't think it is ever going to come off.

It was just always there…as a reminder.

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