Page 60 of It Never Was

The ringing in my ears takes over, high pitch in both as I feel my body moving.

I can hear my voice faintly like hearing a tv from the other room, "If you ever so much as look at her again, I'll fucking end you."

"She's mine, my girlfriend." He grunts out.

His attempt to claim her adds weight to my blows.

"Hey!" I hear a deep voice, the feel of arms wrapping behind me, pulling me back from this douche. The red mist starts to clear as I blink rapidly. My hands are shaking, smudges of red on the surface. I can't tell if it's the blood from my own busted up knuckles or if it's from this piece of shit. I look down and see he is huddling up at the floor of his driver door, his nose and eyes are already starting to swell.

"What. in. the. hell, is going on!?" a voice booms grabbing my shoulders and turning me to them.

Fuck. It's my boss. Paul.

"You gonna answer me boy?" his eyes intense, going back and forth between me and the guy on the ground.

"He fucking-ing attacked me P-Paul!"

"I didn't ask you, Devon." Paul's eyes drag to me.

Devon. His fucking name was Devon.

"I snapped. I apologize sir" I keep his stare.

"And why did you snap?" his eyebrows lift momentarily, then furrow as he takes another glance at Devon still on the floor. "What did he do now?"

"I think that is Ryen's story to tell sir."

32

Ryen

It wasn't as bad as I imagined. The whole breaking thing. I thought I would feel something…anything. But it was hollow, empty. It hurt, yes, but there was a kind of comfort in the dull aching pain in my chest. It made me know I was at least still alive. It let me have the strength I needed to do my everyday things, school, work…that's pretty much it. I didn't have any interest in much else. Or maybe I didn't have enough power coming from the pain to care to do much of anything outside of those two things.

Accompanying the pain was nothing, everything else was numb. As if my breakdown in the walk-in blew a fuse, shutting everything down in the process. It made it all easier.

It made being alone during this bearable. I never hated being alone, but did I seek it out? No. Not like I do now. I loved a balance of being around people and alone time to unwind. But now…now I begged for isolation from the world. A place I didn't have to mask what I was feeling. For a moment I didn't have make everyone happy by appearing 'alright'.

Even with my poor attempt at a mask, Paul and Willow still seem concerned.

Paul keeps coming out of his office during my shifts to check on me. He says it's to make sure Parker is up to his standards because 'he is evaluating him for the position', but if that was the case he wouldn't have his eyes on me the whole time.

Even Willow's been like a shadow, every step I take she takes. I swear she would come into the bathroom with me and wipe my ass if I let her.

It's all a bit too much.

I told them about what happened that morning. Well…only the parts they needed to hear. Devon showed up before the coffee shop opened, we bickered, and he left. They didn't have to worry about all those other details, and I know Parker didn't say anything. I overheard Paul grilling him for information, but all Parker said was the same thing I did. He seemed to be letting me have control of the narrative. That had me wondering why? I didn't ask though. I wasn't sure there was a real point either. Just like I didn't see the point in giving Willow and Paul the sob story. I Couldn't fathom seeing the pity in their eyes, looking at me as if I was this weak thing.

Poor Ryen.

Even if that is what I was…am.

I know I am taking the easy way out by keeping the fuse box of my mind in shambles, but like I said I am weak.

"Hey, want me to walk you to campus?" Willow's voice is peppier than normal as she slides next to me by the register, I pull out Willow's till to replace it with Chrissy's.

"I'm good." I tell her, my face stays neutral.

"Come on, Rye. I could sneak into one of your classes with you like we did your first year. It could be fun." She elbows me playfully, but I brush off her touch.

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