Page 69 of It Never Was

We stood there quietly, him washing each dish and pan and me drying them before placing them on the rack. Each motion we did in sync, his wet fingers brushed against mine. I had to restrain my breaths from becoming too labored.

How in the hell did a simple brush of his hands on mine make me feel like I was lit on fire?

After the sink was empty and cleaned, I said my good-byes to Gabe, he insisted I give Willow a 'hello' from him the next time I saw her, I agreed but warned him she might eat him alive, he seemed eager to let her swallow him whole. In true Parker fashion he walked me to my car, making sure I got there safely.

I fiddled with my sleeves as we approached my driver's door, scanning the condos looking at the Christmas lights that were scattered on windows and balconies. Their plastic icicle decor and colorful lights draped on porches and rooftops. As I turned to face him, I blurted out, "Again thank you so much for the food and all! I am glad Gabe invited me!" My words came out too rushed and loud. I covered my mouth with my sleeve-covered hands, closing my eyes wishing the words back into my mouth so I could try again.

"The pleasure was all mine really, and to set the record straight…" Opening my eyes back up to see him smiling his perfect teeth and lips at me. A few strands of his raven locks on each side of his face. He was breathtaking. He reached and scratched the back of his neck as he finished saying, "I would have invited you a long time ago if I knew you would say yes."

I leaned my back against the metal frame of my car, "You think I wouldn't have said yes before?"

"I don't think you were ready to say yes, and I think it took a lot of convincing on Willow's part to get you to say yes today." He took a slight step forward, he was now inches from me. I could smell him, the sweet and spicy aroma he gave off made me dizzy and my heartbeat quickened. He didn't move any further, a combination of relief and disappointment swirled inside me. "And to add to the record…" he paused, waiting for my eyes to meet his as he looked down at me from above, "I am so thankful you did say yes today." He leaned in and my breath caught in my throat and boil of panic and lust. I wanted to run but wanted to let him closer. I didn't know how to handle this much feeling. I felt his breath near my ear, a shiver went down my spine, and I let my eyes close as I waited for his lips to meet my skin. God, I needed to feel it. As much as I wanted to hide, the want of his touch was stronger.

Then I heard the click of my door and the movement of it opened up behind me. I stumbled forward, giving it room, opening my eyes. My head was spinning, losing focus of where I was or what was happening.

He was just opening my door for me….

I'm a fucking idiot.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Drive safe, text me that you get home okay." His words were soft.

I scrambled to get in the car, waiting for him to close the door but he hesitated a moment, I didn't look at him. I couldn't. Not with the throbbing need between my legs, the images I had conjured up in my head moments later lingering in my mind. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. All I could say was 'K, bye.' before he shut the door and I took off out of the complex, wanting to bang my head against the steering wheel as I drove.

Why did I think he would kiss me?

Why did I think he was going to do anything?

Stupid. Stupid, Ryen.

39

Ryen

The moment was still playing over and over and over in my head as I laid in bed. The smell of him that close to me, the heat he created as he leaned in, heat not only from his body but between my legs, the feel of his breath on my skin. I squeezed my thighs together trying to relieve even a speck of the need I had. It was pathetic how easily he had me wanting again.

God, I was a mess.

My hands rubbed up and down my stomach, as I replayed the moment his fingertips brushed mine when we were doing dishes. I imagined my hand was his, allowing it to come up to my breast, teasing my now hard nipples. Letting my eyes close I fully escape into the fantasy, my other hand dips under the waistband of my pajama pants sliding through my soaked folds creating circular motions over myself. My breathing comes out broken as I feel my muscles tense up at the pleasure. I picture the way his mouth would feel on my neck, if his hands would be gentle or rough with me.

You shouldn't be doing this.

But I want this, I want the real feel of his hands on me, mouth to consume me completely, I want to see those eyes watching me as I come undone. My legs twitch and my back aches at the thought. I dip a finger into myself, it doesn't completely fill me the way I need it to but it will have to do. Those smokey gray eyes remain on me in my mind pushing me over the edge, I feel my body convulse as I ride out my pleasure, a hint of a smile on my face as I come down.

You fucking slut.

Shame replaces my pleasure faster than I can stop it, I wanted to enjoy that feeling even for a fraction longer. Looking up at the ceiling studying the yellow light streaks that shine on it from the streetlamps. Why do I feel shame or guilt? Because of Devon, we were over. Or was it because I shouldn't be able to find pleasure in this after everything that happened? Why not? I pondered on it trying to find the reason behind my guilt, behind why I felt so dirty about this.

My phone goes off on the nightstand beside me illuminating the room, I squint my eyes as I see a text message from Parker.

What.the.fuck.

The humiliation hit hard in my gut, thinking about what I just did moments ago. How I imagined him as I touched myself and here, he was texting me.

Parker: Hope you got home alright. I hope this doesn't come off as creepy, just making sure you are safe and sound at home.

I completely forgot to let him know I was home and that was hours ago. I tapped the keyboard rapidly as I messaged back.

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