Page 72 of It Never Was

"Mhm." He kept his hands busy as well scooping ice into a plastic to-go cup and filling it with the filtered water tap by the espresso machine as I worked, "Ahem—you seem to be…" He was searching for the words, a way to say what he was thinking without pushing the boundaries, "happier this last week. I hope Parker is making it easier for you to…feel better. I know you've had a hard time lately." He rushes the last sentence out. Out of the corner of my eye I see him furrow his brows. His gaze flickering from the cup to me.

"Yeah, he has." I cap the drinks, placing them in the cup holder carrier as I call out the name for the order.

"I don't mean to pry or anything. I just want to make sure you're happy." He sips some water out of the fresh cup, "That's all I've ever wanted for you."

My throat tightens and I grab the next cup of orders, letting out a deep breath, "I know. It's one of the reasons you’re family to me, Paul." I put the cups down giving him a faint smile, trying to avoid eye contact.

Tears brim my eyes as I try to read through the cups order, blurry vision making it hard to do so. I didn't want him to see the way I was feeling about his words to me. I didn't want to scare him away just as much as he didn't want to scare me away. It was like having two opossums in the same room, if we didn't move in any sudden movements, we wouldn't cause our flight or fight modes to activate.

With a pat on my shoulder and before heading out of the awkward fog of emotion Paul said, "We will always be family, Ryen."

I fought the stream of tears that was fighting me to spill over before he walked away. Once I saw I was in the clear with Paul out of sight I let them run free, using the sleeve of my hoodie to wipe the wet trails away, continuing my work with my heart feeling fuller than it had in a long time.

42

Ryen

I was under the register trying to get it the cash drawer unstuck. When a familiar voice boomed above me, "Boo." Panic set in, causing me to hit my head on the edge of the counter.

"My bad babe, didn't mean to startle you." Devon's voice ringing in my ears.

My fight or flight mode kicked into overdrive instantly. I shrunk back towards the other side of the workstation. As far away from Devon as I could get.

What the fuck does he think he was doing here?

And acting as if nothing was wrong?

"Why are you so spooked? Not happy to see me?"

I scanned his face for the bruises I saw him wear the last time I saw him.

They were barely visible. If I hadn't seen them before I wouldn't have been able to tell.

"You shouldn't be here, Devon." I whisper, letting the words slip out. I scanned the shop to see it empty with the morning rush being over and Willow off grabbing food for lunch.

Paul was in his office, and I don't think he will be back up front for a while. As for Parker, he was off for the day.

It was just me up here.

He leaned to rest his arms on the marbled countertop, "Why don't you come say hi?"

His voice drops a few levels making my skin erupt with goosebumps. Not from want or need, but from the reminder of what he can do. What he pulls out of me.

I stand in place, eyes shifting before deciding to fixate on the tile floor. Maybe if I just don't move, don't respond he will leave. I'm at work, he wouldn't dare to make a scene here. He's never liked exposing that side of him to others.

"I said. Come. Say. Hi." The demand in his voice jolted me. My gaze snaps to him. The darkness that clouds his honey hues is deep with rage. I can see how the distance and time apart has made him on edge, impatient. For Devon that was a dangerous combination.

I take one step timidly forward, not because I want to, but because my mind and body know I have to. Not listening gets me hurt in more ways than one. The corners of his mouth tilted slightly, satisfaction glinting in his eyes. I pause in that one step, nausea taking over. My head grows lighter as words swirl through me all contradicting each other. All different ones telling me to run, stay, go get help, ignore him, do as he says.

In the end I do what I have always done, I go to him.

Disgust cascades through me as I round the counter, walking to where he waits.

You're pathetic. Always doing what he says. Maybe you do deserve this...all of this. The bitchy voice hisses at me, bring tears to the brim of my eyes.

I glance a look up from the floor. A playful grin spread across his lips as we watches me obey him.

He closes the intentional gape I felt between us, "There we go. That wasn't so hard now, was it?" He runs the back of his hand across my cheek, and I falter backwards.

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