Page 75 of It Never Was

Before I could answer or ask another question, my body took over. I rushed to the front lobby in search of Ryen. I knew she would be the only person to give me the real facts on what the fuck happened.

I scanned the lobby to find her deep in her textbook. The thing was she didn't seem as wounded nowadays but she did seem more stressed, and I wasn't sure if that was because of school or because of work. Maybe home life, but there was something there behind the way she looked around at her surroundings throughout her shift. It made me hyper aware of just about everyone and everything around her. This new information that Devon was here now clicked the puzzle pieces into place. It had me fuming. I needed to ask her about it, I wanted all the answers, but I also knew I couldn't go in full over-protection mode.

"Ryen." I said approaching her at table she was reading at before she was about to head to class.

"Fuck!" She practically jumped out of her skin, holding her hand to her chest as she looked up at me from her chair. "Jesus Christ."

"Nope, just me. You good?" I tried to play it off lightheartedly, but I knew it came out more worried than amusement.

How am I supposed to bring this up, if she is jumping at just the sound of me?

"Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping a lot lately, with school break coming up all the assignments are due at the same time so…" Her eyes went out of focus, staring at the floor losing her train of thought. She mindlessly stood, placing her book bag on her shoulder.

I waved my hand trying to gain her attention again.

She slowly turned her head back to me, "Sorry…like I said, lack of sleep." Her eyes were on me, but they were still not all the way here with me, she was off somewhere mentally.

It wasn't the right place or time to ask. She needed me in other ways right now.

"Why don't I follow you home. Make sure you get home safely." My voice came out stern, the need to lay all I knew out on the table was filling my thoughts.

"No, no. I don't want to—" her voice still in a haze.

"Let me rephrase that." I took her bag from her white knuckled fists, "I am going to follow you home, because I want to make sure you get home safely." She watches me sling the bag over my shoulder and wave my hand to have her take the lead walking out of the shop. She didn't budge, she just stood there staring at me blankly. "Not a question Ryen. It's happening."

Her shoulders sagged a bit as she reluctantly started the walk to the parking lot, me holding the door as we made our way to her car. I heard the doors unlock and opened her driver's door for her. Her gaze intensified, looking me up and down, but she didn't say a word. She got in the driver's seat, and I closed the door before making my way around to place her bag on the passenger side.

"Be safe. Eyes on the road. I don't want to see you drive into a ditch."

"I'm not gonna—" she rolled her eyes, but I cut her off before she could finish.

"I'm serious. If I had it my way, I would have carried you to my car and driven you home myself. But I'm trusting you to be safe so you can drive your own car home. So. Be. Safe." My voice was short and clipped. I wanted it to come off calmer but the thoughts of her getting hurt were making me want to drag her into my car right now. Even if it resulted in her fussing the whole way just so I would know she is safe. But I knew she needed the independence. So, I was biting a nut and giving her what she needed.

"Okay."

"Okay." I closed the door, hurrying to my car. Watching her try to wake herself up as she started her car to head home.

I was praying to whatever god I wasn't going to regret this.

I was about to have to buy a new steering wheel with how hard I was gripping the fucking thing the whole drive to Ryen's house. My jaw ached from all the clenching thanks to the way she scared the fuck out of me as she swerved into the oncoming traffic lane.

It only took me honking at her once when a stoplight turned green and a second time when she started to swerve, but we got her home safely.

She pulled into the driveway and my heart lifted as she put the car in park.

Thank god, this girl was going to give me a goddamn heart attack.

She didn't ask me to make sure she got inside safely but I made it my job anyway, following her up the walkway into the house.

I didn't know what I was expecting when I knew I would be seeing her home for the first time. From the talks we have had, I was aware she lived with her mom. I knew she wasn't the best parental figure, but I wasn't ready for the way this home felt empty. There was no coziness like at my parents’ home, no welcoming smells or warm atmosphere, there wasn’t the sense of memories that were living in the walls waiting to be told to new guests. No, this house felt vacant of love and joy. The air was stale and damp, it felt like no one lived here at all. I couldn't imagine Ryen here every night, mostly by herself. It made my blood boil thinking about her here alone, while her mother was out doing god knows what. I wanted to grab her hand and walk her out, take her away and never let her be in this cold, lifeless place again.

"I don't usually have people over." She grabbed at her arms rubbing them up and down, "You didn't have to walk me in, it was enough you even made sure I made it here in one piece." She was looking over my shoulder at something. I followed her stare out the window behind me, there was nothing there.

Looking back at her I said, "You seem on edge."

Her eyes began to water before she could get a word out. I took a step towards her, pausing, watching how her body reacted. Seeing if she would be okay with getting closer. She didn't flinch or back away this time, so I took another step, now inches from her. I reached for her hand, letting my fingertips trace up the side. "What's going on, Ryen? And don't say 'lack of sleep because of school'. We both know it's more than that." I inhale deeply knowing the words are about to spill out of me, "I overheard Paul and Willow saying Devon showed up the other day. What happened?"

Her eyelids fluttered, trying to not let the water that was cusping her lids to bellow over, "What did they say?"

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