Page 91 of It Never Was

My eyes still scan the room. I don't see him.

The last thing I remember was Suzie heading straight for him with the knife. I must have passed out. I couldn't help him.

"Breathe it out," Paul keeps his hand on my shoulder and the tears have yet to stop since I opened my eyes.

"What about," I attempt to push out his name, "Devon."

"He won't be able to hurt you anymore."

"And…" I feel the raw pain sting my throat as I swallow the little spit I have, "my…mother?" Tears spring from my eyes and I can't help the gasps I let out. She wasn't the best mother by a long shot, but she was my mother. The only one I had left, that was blood. I was confused by the grief pouring out of me. I wasn't sure if I was crying because she was gone, or because the hope of healing our bond was gone. Either way, the way my heart was aching told me it was grief, nonetheless.

Paul pulls me into his giant arms, an embrace I needed more than he knew, "I know kid, I know."

I focus on my breathing when the door swings open and he is there.

Black eyes and a busted lip, his face looks beyond exhaustion, he looks at me through pain-filled eyes and I break down.

He rushes to me sliding his arms around me delicately, to not pull any tubes or cords. His warmth envelops me, taking over my senses.

He is okay, he is here, right in front of me, holding me.

He is okay.

"I—thought I lost you," my words choke me, a ball forms in my throat at the thought.

"You thought I could leave you?" He says into my mess of hair, "I thought I lost you," his hold grew a bit tighter but not enough to cause me pain, "I thought you were gone Ryen." He pulled away enough to rest his head on mine to look at me, his eyes glistened with tears ready to burst over the rim. He raises a hand to my cheek and brushes away the tears, "And all before I got to tell you I love you," his own tear overrun. He presses his lips gently to mine, a choke of sobs coming from the both of us as we broke away.

"I love you too," I whisper for him to hear, not trusting my voice at this point.

The sound of a cough comes from beside us. Reminding me we aren't the only ones in this room. We look to see Paul avoiding our embrace and Willow crying her own tears, "Oh my god! I love you guys too!" She sobs out, looking like she just witnessed us taking our vows.

A smile grows on my face at the sight of all the people I love in one room, feeling cared for and loved right back. I know it's not the best circumstances to be here, but just seeing them all together made my heart swell.

I inhale fully, and for the first time, I don't have to guess when my next breath will be.

Epilogue

Ryen

Six months later

It was a journey to get back to ‘normal' and have my feet back on the ground but Parker was right by my side every step of the way.

He helped me with my mother's funeral, holding my hand as I shed silent tears for the mother she used to be and the chances we will never get to try and fix our fucked up relationship. It wasn't too long after the funeral that I put my mother's house for sale. I needed that house gone. It sold within a month, the family I picked was young and full of life, they had a little girl with rosy cheeks and pigtails, and I hoped to god they gave this little girl better memories in this home than I ever got.

Every day felt like a battle mentally.

I knew Suzie was locked up and Devon was six feet under, but the hairs in the back of my necks always raised when I saw a Mustang or red tinted hair.

Fuck, healing from my stab wound was easier than the mental wounds I had to still keep bandages on. Those scars were the roughest. But I am stronger now. I had everyone in my life to thank for that.

I put in the work, I put in the healing and therapy physically and mentally.

It's been a long time since I have been the old Ryen. The scared and lonely girl.

It will always be a part of me, but it doesn't consume me anymore.

The pain is still there but god does Parker make me feel so much better.

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