Page 3 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

“Babe.” His spare hand fisted my dress up my leg until skin found sandy skin. My thong no protection from his roaming fingers. Nor did I care.

“Babe.” His one-word plea more powerful than any song.

“Xav. I missed you, too.”

We’d made love before. Yes, it was usually fucking, but we had made love before.

This. Was. Different.

Nature’s sand dunes kept us hidden from joggers, and my dress became our top sheet. Xavier rolled me onto his shirt, covering my body with kisses. His firm hands gentle with their exploration.

“Xav.” I moaned as his knees pushed mine apart. His cock massaging my groin. Grinding me into the sand. “Xav, please.”

Instead of answering, or asking me what I wanted, Xavier allowed his body to do the talking. Soft, yet hungry kisses. While I didn’t stop, even to take in air. I didn’t need oxygen. Only him.

I’d walked away because it was safer than staying with a man who had refused to tell his brother about us. I’d run because it was easier than staying with a man who I loved more than I wanted to admit.

I’d left but it hadn’t been Xavier who’d found me.

Still, in this moment, he was still my man. Even last night, I didn’t believe we could be us again. Not like this. Not connected emotionally.

We made love and I felt the birds singing. I breathed the oxygen from the morning sun. I bathed in the salty sea-spray.

Making love out of something that only yesterday seemed like nothing at all.

In equal measures, I wanted to cry with full body tears. Laugh at the world, because the joke had been on me all along.

I’d fallen in love with a man who could never love me. He’d never be allowed to know me, and even if he thought the word, love, reality would kick him in the face before it would become real.

“Syd?” We’d finished and Xavier had tasted the salty tear in between kisses. “Syd?”

“Xav, I thought we were over. Then we weren’t. Then last night it seemed like you just wanted me to chill with all you guys. I thought we were over.”

“Sydney. We’re over when you want us to be over. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are the guys.”

“Xav.” My voice an aching plea. I needed him to make the doubts disappear.

“Tell me what you want.”

“You.”

Xavier could fuck like a rockstar and make love like a king.

I couldn’t love this man, I couldn’t.

No one would win.

“Ready to go back?”

We’d walked up and down the beach twice, talking and not talking until we had to return. Chase would be awake, probably disappointed I’d left, but who knew how Jax would feel.

“I assume you’re ready for another coffee?” Xavier knew me so well.

“We could grab breakfast for the others.”

“Think that’s all it’ll take for them to forgive you?”

“Forgive me for what?” I skipped ahead not caring about his answer, enjoying a moment of happiness.

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