Page 62 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

“It’s too soon to talk about what happens next, right?”

I swallowed my tears and pride. The more distant he’d become, the more time I’d had to watch him and to realize how much of the man I loved. All the little idiosyncrasies that made Xavier my main man. From the way he paced eating a meal, never to leave someone left at the table, to the way he held his hurt out for all to see. The whole, tell me what you want had always been about me. In the midst of a global pandemic, he’d been my life raft, my rock, my love.

I owed him his freedom. Unless, of course, he chose to stay.

“Xav, you never promised me more than one night. Every day after the first has been a bonus.” I’d had years of delivering words with a fake smile. I only hoped my eyes didn’t give me away in the dark.

Instead, Xavier took my hand, pulling me to my feet as if all the shit that had gone down, hadn’t.

By the time we got to the foot of the staircase up to the bedrooms, my heart was racing, filled with hope. Surely, he wouldn’t take one night and leave me at that?

“Ready?” He didn’t wait for an answer before sweeping me up, bridal style. Soft eyes, filled with desire the liquor had erased.

“I don’t want to fuck you, Sydney.”

“Okay.” Although, he needed to tell his fingers to stop looking for the edge of my panties through my denim shorts.

“Just for the night, let’s pretend.” He sighed, holding me at our bedroom door. Suddenly, I regretted not having clean sheets for him. I’d refused to change them and lose being able to surround myself in his scent.

“I can pretend to be anything you want.” And I would. I wouldn’t even ask for a tomorrow, I could take tonight as an unexpected bonus. Something to remember, forever.

“Sydney, let’s pretend that it’s only you and me.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes, of course, you and me. Yes.” I paused before asking, “Do you think we could ever go back to being just you and me.”

“We did it for three days.” Xavier kicked the door closed behind us before lowering me onto the bed that had been ours, then his, then mine, and now ours again.

“Do you think the rest of the band would ever forgive you?” I asked only half joking.

“Even if they did, I might not forgive myself,” he laughed, covering my breasts with kisses. “Is it crazy how much I love watching you with them”

“If we’re being honest, is it crazy how much I don’t want to have to choose between you?”

“Is it crazy that tonight. I want to be you and me.”

“It’s crazy,” I agreed, pulling his lips to mine. I’d missed this man. “But crazy seems to be a good look for us.”

When Xavier kissed me back, the world ceased to exist. The shitstorm we’d left downstairs and the men he called his brothers. The heaviness in my chest and tightness down my neck disappeared. All replaced with an urgency to have him inside me. To mark him as mine. To love him as mine.

“Xav, it’s crazy that when I’m with you, no one else exists.”

“Right answer.”

As my shorts found their way to the floor, joining my shirt and Xavier’s shorts, I laughed, “I thought you didn’t want to fuck me tonight?”

“Then how about we do it old school!”

Xavier immediately changed gear. Slow, gentle, loving kisses. Twirling my hair within his fingers and keeping the pace light until I wanted to scream.

“Xav, please. I need you.”

“I need you more.”

“Xav, please. Tell me what you want.”

---