Page 7 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

Chase stood against the sliding door; his body almost as large as the opening to the balcony. His only reaction to my outburst, a single raised eyebrow. Buying time, I found my coffee cup amongst the others on the table and grabbed two random egg and bacon muffins. No longer caring about double bacon or additional sausage. Things so important during ordering no longer mattered.

Yesterday, I’d been leaving town alone.

Last night, Jax found and convinced me to stay.

Today, I wanted to see a future.

I needed space. Our small hotel room couldn’t hold four, massive bodies with matching egos. Part of me wanted to find that spare bus ticket and get the hell out of town. The other part wanted to strip my clothes, lie naked on the bed and let them have their turns.

Embrace me.

Love me.

Desire me.

Fill me.

Allow them to do their best to satisfy me. Knowing I’d come back tomorrow for them to do it all again.

I wanted them all.

I wanted none.

Truthfully, I needed to get my head read and my morals reset.

But all I saw was Chase. Wetting his lips, breathing in and preparing to speak.

“Not a word. Please. Not a word.”

With my back to the room, I stood against the wrought iron balustrade. Handing over the muffins while I gripped my coffee for dear life. Even the smell of food turned my stomach. Until I got my head and heart in order, how could I even think about eating?

“You know how I feel about you,” Chase murmured soft enough that even the ever-present Xavier couldn’t hear.

“Ah-huh.”

“In those two days, at any time did you wish you had my number? Not Devon’s, but mine?”

I thought back. Yes. At times, I’d craved Chase and his unwavering devotion. Lying on his bed and talking random shit about sport and how it had become more about psychologists, mental resilience, and social media presence rather than natural talent.

He saw me as a person. An equal. His partner.

I saw him as—someone I didn’t want to hurt, or lose.

“Chase, this is so, I don’t know.”

“Did you miss me? Not this whole band thing. Did you miss me.”

“This band thing is what I need right now. I can’t explain why, just know that this isn’t who I used to be, but I need each of you right now.”

“Did you miss me?”

Why did he press for an answer that might only hurt him?

But I couldn’t deny the truth.

A quick glance to the doorway, Xavier was close enough to keep an eye on us, but not enough to hear. “Yes. I missed you.”

“What did you miss?”

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