Page 47 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

“But, what if Chase says he loves you and it’s what you want?”

I thought back to my night with Chase and Xavier had every right to be concerned about his friend’s feelings. I believed Chase had been sincere, and any other time, I’d have handed him the keys to get us out of town. But Chase wasn’t Xavier. Chase made me feel safe, but Xavier made me feel alive.

“Xav, you’re not competing with anyone. For what it’s worth, my heart belongs to you.” Damn, I didn’t mean to say any of this emotional crap that would be better silent inside my head instead of out for the universe to judge. “I’m not going to say the L-word because I really don’t think it’s us. I wish I could see our future after lockdown, but neither of us are gonna know it until it happens. Your band is going to explode after the concert and that’s gonna change everything.”

“Have you got a job to go back to?” His arm slung over my waist. I tried not to read anything into his hand resting against my hip. We were close, but not close enough. Not yet.

“No.”

“Then we could have a go at keeping the band together on the road.”

“I’m not part of the band.”

“There’s four guys in there who would disagree.”

“It’s only the guy with the dark dreads and the fuck-me eyes who counts.”

“He wants you to come on the road.”

“I like that, although we might want to start kicking the other guys off the bus at night.”

“Easily arranged.”

“Xav,” I paused. Edging closer. Thighs against thighs. Nose to nose. His heart racing ahead of mine. “We don’t have to do this. We can just—”

I didn’t need to explain but Xavier had needed the space to talk. So he did. For almost an hour, Xavier talked without touching me in any way that mattered. Feeling helpless, other than listening without interruption, the only thing I could do was keep up constant, hypnotizing strokes along the outside of his leg. I felt like the worst girlfriend ever. Not for the other guys—that was a mutual decision—but for not recognizing his pain. My man had so much going on in his life. He had his brother. He had his band and yet he’d been whatever I needed him to be.

He didn’t even realize how much, but it was his warmth and smile that kept my fears at bay when my phone received yet another unwelcome text.

Slowly, I reached towards the drawer for a condom. Never breaking his gaze. Nervous he’d recoil, grateful when he didn’t even flinch when I dropped it on his chest.

Without waiting for a response, I unzipped his jeans, pulled them down and then kicked them away. We only broke eye contact when I pulled his shirt over his head. All me. I was in control, but I could see he was ready to respond.

Straddling his naked body. His skin to my fully clothed. I allowed my hands to explore each muscle, every scar. Kisses to each freckle and tracing each tattoo. Finding my own joy in giving him joy. Willing him to writhe and moan until I felt our bodies were already one.

“Sydney. Babe.” He didn’t stop me from slipping down the edge of the bed. Knowing the clock didn’t count, only Xavier, I kissed all the way down his chest. Twirling my tongue around random chest hairs until they grew thicker and to my relief, he greeted me at full size.

Never had I wanted to give a bj more than now. After fighting for the erection, I savored every twitch and stretch. Salivated over the salty pre-cum and cupped his balls as if they were golden nuggets.

His moans echoed around the bus rewarding my patience and his own. The harder I worked, the more his hands fought with my hair—grabbing fistfuls, twisting before release. Scratching his nails against my scalp. All the while, I sucked and massaged and enjoyed my man being at my mercy.

Until I felt his twitches become more erratic and Xavier started fucking my mouth. The passive had taken control. Thrust after thrust after thrust until Xav tried to pull out. I refused to let him. I wanted, no I needed, to do something for Xavier that I’d refused anyone else.

I took all he had.

I willingly swallowed every salty drop.

And. I liked it.

“What about you?” Xavier pulled me to his chest, kissing me clean.

“I’ve never been better.”

“But, you didn’t—”

“If this was any other night, would you care?”

“I always care, babe. I always want you to be happy.”

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