Page 75 of Enjoying the Band in Lockdown

“I’ve never tried the relationship shit storm before. I never thought I could go longer than one week with one girl but it appears you’ve proven me wrong. The only fucking woman I think of is you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Do you honestly think I couldn’t have hooked up with any of the local girls?” He snorted. “Do you really think we haven’t had girls knocking down our door, accidentally running into us when we go for a jog?”

“I hadn’t thought about it. I thought we were all in iso.”

“Do you really think I haven’t had the opportunity?”

I hadn’t wanted to think. I couldn’t do what Xavier had done, I couldn’t willingly and knowing share any of my men.

“Sydney? Or should I call you, Lolita or Neve?”

“I never thought I was good enough for anyone.” I refused to cry, to let him see my vulnerability, again. “I never thought I deserved all of you, so, yes, go fuck a town full of lonely women.”

“Coffee or kisses, what’s it going to be, Sydney?”

“Seriously? Are you really asking me to choose?”

“This should be an easy choice. Them or me. I’ve never made this offer before and I’ve never gone out on a limb before.”

“Jax, I’m with Xavier.”

“Yeah. And if you weren’t, if he was out of the picture, what would you choose? He’s been out of the picture for two fucking days, you didn’t leave and you didn’t hook-up with the others.”

“I didn’t hook-up with you, either.”

“What are they to you? Because the way I see it, the guys out there are like coffee. You drink them up and they’re gone in an instant. Something you look forward to, something you’ll wake up craving but the instant you have a coffee, you’re satisfied.”

“I like coffee.”

Jax pressed his body next to mine. We could have been naked, fucking like animals, but we weren’t. He could have kissed away my resolve, but he didn’t.

I could have run away, upstairs and to Xavier. But I didn’t.

“I’m a kiss.” Jax whispered, close enough to claim one. “I’m the kiss that will tattoo your body, your lips and your heart forever. Coffee or kiss, Sydney, coffee or a kiss. I’m offering to kiss you forever but you can’t have them as well. I don’t play nicely, and I don’t share.”

“I can’t,” I whimpered. “Jax, I can’t.”

Leaning down I grabbed three bottles of scotch from the bottom cabinet. Xavier had done some serious damage to his liver, aided and abetted by Chase and Devon. I turned to ask Jax to hold one for me, but by the time I got up, Jax was gone.

It was only when he didn’t turn up to dinner anyone asked questions. But when he didn’t turn up for the midnight jam session, Trent went looking for him.

“He’s gone.”

“What?” Devon asked.

“He’s gone.”

“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Devon again.

“What do you think it fucking means, his room is empty. His stuff is gone. He is gone.” Trent turned to me “What the fuck happened?”

“He gave me a choice.” I said softly.

“Which was?” Xavier asked, already knowing the answer.

“I don’t want to go into it is he really gone?”

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