Page 34 of Five Mountain Daddies

I know she’s right. I mean, I keep thinking the same thing. It’s good to hear someone else say it though. Maybe I’m not worthy of these five gorgeous guys, but is anyone? I just got lucky and now it’s time to try to let myself enjoyit.

I expected more of a reaction out of her, though. I mean, she was surprised, but I just told her something pretty crazy. Maybe she doesn’t realize exactly what I’ve been doing with these guys… and I don’t plan on telling her. She doesn’t need all the dirtydetails.

Still, I feel better just for having told someone. I can’t get rid of these lingering doubts, but I can at least mute them a little bit. Telling someone about it definitely helped a lotalready.

I’m not going to let myself get in the way of my own happiness. Right now, these five guys are making me really, really happy. And nothing else in this town can do that for me, so I might as well embrace it. I’ll try and quiet my doubts the best Ican.

12

Ryan

You guys really have to start calling first,” London says, looking at me from the passenger seat of mytruck.

I grin a little bit. I showed up at her work again, this time after she got off. She should have known I was coming, since I asked what time her shift ended, which I feel like is warningenough.

“Are you embarrassed of us?” I askher.

She shakes her head. “Definitelynot.”

“So then be proud. A handsome man picked you up fromwork.”

She sighs. “You know people are going to talk,right?”

I shrug a little. “I guess I don’t care thatmuch.”

“Youshould.”

She frowns at me and I just smile. I know she doesn’t know me very well yet, but it’s funny she brought that up. I sit in silence for a few minutes, just driving out toward myworkshop.

Finally, I decide to speak up. “I used to care,” I saysoftly.

She looks over at me, surprised. “Aboutwhat?”

“About what people thought.” I chew on my lip. “Which is surprising coming from a drug addict,right?”

She shakes her head. “That’s not the only thing aboutyou.”

I glance at her, a little smile on my face. “You’re right. Before I got into drugs, back when I was younger, my parents brought me up reallyreligious.”

She looks a little surprised. “You didn’t mention thisbefore.”

“I was young back then.” I take a deep breath and let it out. “When I fell into drugs, it killed my parents. People at church talked nonstop about it, you know how it is. Even good people end up gossiping when they get into big groups.” I think back to all my time spent in church, to the high ceiling in the chapel, to the sounds and the sermons. Those were good days, or at least they were peacefuldays.

“I remember caring so much what everyone thought about me at church,” I say softly. “I was terrified of letting anyone down, of making a mistake. I lived a long time infear.”

“What happened?” sheasks.

I shrug. “I grew up, I guess. I still believe, and I still go to church sometimes, but I let go of that part of my life.” I laugh a little bitterly. “Maybe becoming an addict helped thatprocess.”

“Do you ever miss it?” sheasks.

“No,” I say honestly. “I was a different person. I was young and I didn’t know any better.” I grin at her, slowing the truck to pull down a long gravel drive. “Now I know that it’s better not to give a fuck what anything thinks, and to live your life the best youcan.”

She smiles at that and we head down the drive toward my workshop in silence. We’re coming up to it from the other end. Last time we hiked through the woods to get there, but this time we’ll go right in through thefront.

I park the truck and we get out. From this angle, my shop looks more like a modernist cabin in the woods, with flat, sloping roofs and big windows in thefront.

“It’s pretty,” she says. “I was too busy looking at the sculptures to notice thebuilding.”

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