“What’s the matter?” she chuckled. “Don’t recognize your old mother?”
There was a kindness in her eyes I hadn’t seen in years, and an evenness in her voice I’d never heard at all. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. She understood that I was in shock as she gripped me by the arm and gently led me away.
“Let’s go out to the garden,” she suggested. “Get some fresh air.”
I followed her soundlessly, the wheels turning in my brain as I tried to come to grips with whatever horrible thing Ryland had done to my mother. But no matter which way I spun it, I couldn’t process it.
Norma helped me to sit down in a deck chair before taking a seat in one across from me. The scent of flowers and fresh water invaded my nostrils, and I was sure the garden was beautiful, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Norma.
“I’m clean,” she began, folding her hands across her lap like a proper lady. “One month. I know it’s not much, and I still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.”
“This is where you’ve been for the last month?” I looked around again, finally understanding this was a rehab center. One that, from the looks of it, must have cost a fortune.
“It sure is.” She laughed. “Can you believe it? Me living amongst the rich and famous?”
“But… how?”
“Ryland,” she said quietly.
“You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“Language,” she scolded.
“Oh c’mon Norma,” I retorted. “Don’t start acting like a mother now.”
She flinched at my words, and I mentally slapped myself, feeling like the worst daughter in the world.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just… I didn’t expect this, and I’m a little confused.”
“It’s okay.” She nodded. “One of the things they’ve been teaching us here is to accept responsibility for our actions. And I’m not going to deny that I’ve been a less than stellar mother to you and Brayden.”
Again, my mouth was doing that thing. Opening and closing, but no sound was coming out.
“But I do love you,” she continued. “And I want to be a part of your life, Brighton. You and Brayden are more important to me than the drugs or the booze, and it took Ryland to help me see that.”
“But… how?” I asked again.
“He opened up to me.” She shrugged. “Told me the cold, hard truth. And I felt like such an idiot for playing right into his hands. I felt weak. I was weak. But when he told me what happened to his family, and how much pain he was in, I never wanted you or Brayden to feel that way. He gave me a choice. He handed me a one-way ticket to this place, and a needle with enough drugs to take down a horse. He said it was my decision to make, but that he wasn’t going to watch me hurt you anymore.”
“Jesus, Norma,” I sputtered.
“He was right,” she said. “All I’ve been doing is hurting the people I love. For so many years because I couldn’t see past my own misery. Losing Frankie, and then thinking he was going to come take you two away from me whenever he saw fit, well it scared the living hell out of me. I guess I tried to disconnect from all of it in the best way I knew how.”
“So you really… you gave it all up,” I said.
“I’m trying my best, Brighton.” She stared down at her linked fingers with watery eyes. “But I’m not going to make any promises other than to say that I’m going to keep on trying. Ryland’s a good man for helping me this way, though he doesn’t want to admit it himself. He’s filled with so much pain though that I worry. I worry about you with him. But he’s come to see me a couple of times, and it seems like he’s trying too.”
“He has?” I asked. “He came to visit you?”
She nodded, wiping away the tears from her eyes. “He seems lonely. Misses you a lot.”
“Oh.” I glanced down at my shoes. “Well, I’m really glad you’re here, and that he’s helping you this way, but it doesn’t change anything between me and Ryland.”
“He told me that’s what you’d say.” She smiled. “But he wants to Brighton. He wants you to hear him out.”
“So that’s what this is all about?” I crossed my arms and started to close myself off again, thinking it had all been some sort of trick.
“No.” Norma shook her head. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything either way. But you know I’ve never been good at holding my tongue.”