I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed tight, unsure what to say. I’d never been good at comforting people. And I was even less comfortable with the subject of death. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. The closest I’d come to losing anyone was having my father run out on us when I was a baby. But that was a choice, not a force of circumstance, and I didn’t even remember who he was.

“I’m really sorry, Nicole. I didn’t know.”

“We were supposed to get married.” She looked up at me with bleary eyes. “We were both young, but we knew that’s what we wanted. I know we would have too.”

“I’m sure he loved you very much,” I agreed. “I don’t see how anyone couldn’t, Nicole. You’re an amazing woman.”

She collapsed onto the sofa, and her entire body shook as she broke into sobs.

“He was my whole world,” she insisted. “I never would have betrayed him. But he’s gone now, and I still feel obligated… like I can’t move on. I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, God, I sound like such an awful person. But its how I feel. Like I’m standing still. The whole world is moving around me, but I’m stuck in a different time and place.”

“Nicole.” I reached for her hands and squeezed them in mine, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could muster. “You aren’t dishonoring him by moving on. I’m sure he would have wanted you to be happy. He would have wanted you to have a life, even if he couldn’t be a part of it.”

“He won’t let me,” she cried. “He won’t let me move on.”

I stared at her in confusion. “Who won’t?”

She snapped her attention back to me and bit her lip as though she’d said too much. I’d heard about how grief could really mess with a person’s head, and I wondered if that’s what was happening here. I wanted to ask her more about it, but before I could, she stood up and wiped away her tears.

“I need some sleep,” she said. “I’m tired, and I’m not even making any sense right now. I’m sorry, Brighton. I didn’t mean to put all of this on you.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “That’s what I’m here for. I’m your friend, and I want you to talk to me. About anything.”

Instead of comforting her, my words had the opposite effect, and I wasn’t sure why. But Nicole gave me a tight smile as she said good night and padded off to her room.