Page 36 of Liar
Sawyer’s green eyes glanced at me, and he whispered, “I don’t deserve you.”
“It’s not about what you deserve,” I said, and then, before I could say anything else, Sawyer’s top half turned to me, and he leaned his large frame against mine, burying his face in the crook of my neck. An awkward hug if there ever was one, but a hug all the same. His arms wrapped around my lower back, and I did my best to cradle his head against me. A similar position to the one we’d taken in the shower before Ray was gone, when Sawyer actually broke down in tears.
My heart actually ached for this one. It hurt, knowing how much pain he was in. I wanted to help him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered against me, his breath hot on my neck. The way he clung to me, as if I was his world, his everything, made my gut warm.
“It’s okay. You can always try cooking me chicken another night—”
He lifted his head off my shoulder, his face inches from mine. “That’s not what I meant.”
I had one hand in his hair, and I dropped it to his cheek. “I know,” I murmured, feeling the smoothness of his skin. He must’ve shaved earlier, for not a hint of stubble scratched my hand. Sawyer looked drop-dead gorgeous even when he was a mess, but when he was cleaned up? His handsomeness could stop the world from spinning.
The way his green eyes sparkled from the hall light, how his lips parted ever so slightly, intent on me…I better be careful, otherwise something might happen here that wasn’t okay. Not yet. I’d be stupid to deny the fact that I still had feelings for Sawyer. I did. Of course I did; the question would be, if my guys weren’t okay with it, would I be able to fight those feelings? Would I be able to pull myself away from this broken, pleading boy and learn to live with myself?
I didn’t know if I wanted to.
Pulling away from him, I got up. “Come on. Let’s go back downstairs.” If we didn’t leave this room now, who knew what would happen. The intense look Sawyer wore made my insides feel funny and warm, like I was a girl with her first crush.
Stupid. So stupid. Sawyer and I had been through so much, I shouldn’t let myself get swept up in the feeling.
Sawyer watched me for a few moments before getting up. His wide frame let out a sigh I felt in my core; I had to surround myself with other people. With the other guys I adored. Being alone with Sawyer was too tempting, too much. I couldn’t deal.
It’s kind of funny; after everything I’d been through at Hillcrest, you’d think me hanging out in Sawyer’s bedroom would be the least of my concerns, but here we were.
I led us back downstairs, finding that Travis, Declan, and Will had gotten another plate out of the cabinets and picked off all of the chicken and placed it on the extra plate. The plate sat lonely on the counter, apparently voted off the table by the guys. Not that I could blame them. No salmonella for me or any of them.
All eyes were on me the moment we returned, and I gave my guys a smile as I slid back into my seat. Declan returned the smile, because it was Declan. Travis looked much the same as he always did: focused on me, probably wondering what happened upstairs. Will…Will’s hazel eyes were on me, and he tried to grin back, but the smile just didn’t work on his face. Will really didn’t like Sawyer, and it showed.
Sawyer sat in his seat, shifting his weight. He let out a cough, causing everyone’s eyes to dart to him. “I know…I know I suck at doing this shit, and I know a shitty dinner isn’t enough to make up for everything that I did, but,” he paused, staring hard at Declan, giving only a tiny fraction of his attention to Will, “I am sorry. For everything. And I know things will never go back to the way they were, but I…I’d really like to try.”
Sawyer and his heartfelt confessions. Tonight they just came tumbling out faster than I could count them.
This wasn’t Sawyer of last semester. This wasn’t the broken rich boy who wanted to use everyone to get back at the boy he thought had killed his sister. This wasn’t him trying to one-up anyone. This was simply Sawyer laying his heart bare, and it was up to us—to me—to figure out what to do with it.
I was more than okay with letting Sawyer try, and I bet my eagerness showed on my face. Travis was silent, as was Will; it was Declan who said, “Okay…but if you go back to your old self—” A warning. A warning that none of us would deal with the old Sawyer. We were all changed here. Older, wiser, hardened to the ways of the world. Just because I loved him didn’t mean I wouldn’t push him away if I had to; Declan was right.
“I won’t,” Sawyer swore, his eyes glancing at me. “I won’t.” Again, softer this time. A promise to me.
The tension in the air grew to be too much, so I spoke as I grabbed my fork, “Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s eat.” I swirled the fork into the noodles and brought it to my mouth. Unsurprisingly, the noodles were lukewarm now, practically cold by noodle standards—but because I was pretty sure Sawyer might cry if I made fun of his cooking any more, I chewed and swallowed like a good little girl.
“These are the best noodles I’ve ever had,” I declared loudly, “I don’t know about you guys, but I could eat this every day.”
The guys looked at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was. They weren’t that good. Even Sawyer had an eyebrow risen at my antics. He then let out a sigh, pulled out his phone from his pocket, and started tapping on its screen. “I’ll get some pizzas delivered,” he said.
“What? No, I—”
Travis got up, his chair scraping against the floor as he spoke, “I’ll find something to watch.” He wandered into the living room, flipping on the giant flat-screen TV and roaming the channels.
As Travis did that, Declan got to his feet and started gathering the plates of noodles, doing the clean-up duty without being asked.
I watched it all happen, my mouth ajar. The noodles really weren’t that bad, were they? Or was sitting at a dinner table staring at each other too awkward? Ugh, whatever. If they wanted pizza, if they wanted to eat it while lounging around in the living room while watching whatever was on TV on a Saturday night, I wouldn’t say no. Who could say no to pizza? I wasn’t a monster.
Will got up and helped Declan, leaving me at the table with Sawyer, who was already on the phone, telling whatever pizza place he called what he wanted. From what it sounded like, he thought he was feeding a whole army here. Once he set his phone down, he looked at me.
“The noodles were fine,” I said, not wanting to just toss all of Sawyer’s hard work in the trash…which Declan and Will were currently in the process of.
“Pizza will be better. I probably could’ve just ordered pizza to begin with,” Sawyer muttered, running a hand through his hair, causing me to glance at the tight sleeves on his arm. Damn, he had a fine physique. “Though I bet none of these other fools ever tried to cook for you.”
