Page 41 of Liar
No, I didn’t. Hence the issue with him. All this time, I really should hate him. I should be mad at him, for everything he’d done. And yet, look at my current boyfriends. Not a single one of them was perfect. Declan maybe tried to hurt himself for attention, hiding his anger behind dimples and smiles. Will had killed his own father. Travis had let Sabrina die, tried to chain me up, and pitted us all against Sawyer. And me? Even though I said we would be good this semester, even though I said there would be no lies between us, I kept secrets.
Declan could never find out that Travis hadn’t saved Sabrina. It wasn’t something Declan would ever get over. Things would explode, and there’d be no coming back from it.
It made me a shitty girlfriend to keep a secret like that, but sometimes there were things in life you were better off not knowing. I’d shouldered so much so far in my life…what was one more thing? Keeping the truth from him would help him keep his sanity.
Prove me wrong, I told him, sliding the phone into my pocket as I set down my skateboard and picked up speed again. A challenge to Sawyer and everything he was, and I knew he’d take it. Even if I declined his date invitation, he wouldn’t stop. He’d keep going, keep trying—and I wanted him to. I wanted Sawyer to never give up when it came to me.
By the time I got back to the dorm, I grinned to myself. I carried my skateboard up the steps, hugging it under my elbow as I reached for my phone. Five unread messages from him. The needy dweeb.
I really did hate to love this one.
I stopped before my door, standing alone in the hall, and I finally messaged him back, Fine. I’ll go with you. But 1) dinner first and 2) I choose the movie. Oh, and obviously I have to check in with my boyfriends first. Sent.
Check in with my boyfriends first, before going out on another date with someone else. Never thought that was something I’d have to worry about.
My phone buzzed as I walked in, and I steadily ignored it when I saw Declan sitting at his desk, his back a bit hunched over as he furiously typed away at his keyboard. Working on some school paper.
The door barely shut behind me before I blurted out, “Sawyer just asked me out.”
That got Declan to slowly close his laptop and turn to face me, though he didn’t get up off his chair. “He did? Did you see him?” Curious, but not overly so. And definitely not shocked. Wait…did he know?
I stared at him, my brows furrowing. “No, the idiot texted me. Hold up. Why aren’t you more shocked?”
“Well, probably because I’ve been waiting for him to do it since the day he came back,” he told me, giving me a half-hearted shrug. “And he kind of asked my permission the last time we hung out.”
I nearly dropped my skateboard. “What? When?”
“When you were in the bathroom.”
“I knew you guys were talking about something.” I shrugged off my hoodie and tossed down my bag, rolling my skateboard under the bed.
Declan watched me all the while, his brown hair a tad long, his amber eyes warm and willful. “Does it really shock you that we’d talk about you? You are our common interest now, Ash. It’s all about you.”
“It’s not all about me,” I muttered.
“It is.”
I let out an annoyed sound, crawling on top of my bed. “Fine. Now to talk to Travis and Will—”
“Travis knows,” Declan advised. “And Will…he’ll tell you to do what you want.”
There went Declan making predictions again…although it might’ve been the first time I’d heard him make any such things. Had they all talked about it already? Jeez, felt a little behind on the times. What the hell.
But I realized as I spoke with both Travis and Will that Declan was right. Travis was absolutely fine with it—as fine as he could be letting another guy date me, that was—and Will had an almost broody response with something along the lines of if it’ll make you happy, do it.
If it’ll make me happy. Kind of felt like it was a trap, like my guys were waiting for me to screw up, but I couldn’t help it. It was Sawyer. There’d always been a push and pull between us, and now…now we might actually be on the same page as each other. We both might be going in the same direction: towards each other.
I didn’t know how that made me feel. Excited? Nervous? Anxious? Happy? I was content with my guys, and I wouldn’t go so far as to say something had been missing, but I’d be a liar if I said I’d be fine if Sawyer stepped out of my life forever.
Even after getting the okay, a nervousness still sat within my gut, threatening to rise and make me sick. Which was ridiculous in every way, because it was just Sawyer. He shouldn’t get to me, but he did. I lay on my bed, staring at my phone screen, at the last text Sawyer sent me. Tomorrow.
He wanted to go out on a date tomorrow night.
I searched for the nearest movie theater, finding showings and the movies that were out. There were quite a few I was interested in, and a part of me wanted to purposefully choose whichever movie I thought Sawyer would hate the most, but that felt a teeny bit too vindictive. No, I’d go for the action-flick we’d both enjoy.
No handjobs in the theater. No blowjobs either. No jobs in general. He’d be lucky if I let him look at me, let alone touch me. Or me touch him.
Hmm. Maybe there should be no touching whatsoever, since he and I had a lot of history.
