Page 51 of Liar
The only ones she needed were me and Declan. Just the two of us. We could be happy together. I knew we could. I had faith in us.
To my utter relief, Sawyer dropped her off in the turnaround. I drove right by, heaving a sigh to myself as I watched Ash get out through the rearview mirror. So he wasn’t taking her home, wasn’t going to try to tear off her clothes like the animal I knew he was. That gave me a sense of relief, but I knew the relief was only temporary.
I drove back to my apartment. It took everything in me to not go to Sawyer’s place, to not circle around campus and follow him home, take care of him tonight.
No. He’d proved that he was at least attempting to be better. And maybe he was. Maybe he honestly, genuinely wanted to be better for Ash. Maybe she could be good for him, but it was something I wouldn’t allow.
I couldn’t.
If I’d been obsessed with my father getting his before, I was just as obsessed with Sawyer getting his now. It was like my attention had moved, landing on Sawyer. I didn’t doubt that once Sawyer was out of the picture for good, my new obsession would be Travis. One by one, until Declan, Ash, and I were only surrounded by good people. People who would never hurt us, people who we could trust.
Really, though, I knew we could only trust each other.
Some might think that’s hypocritical of me, considering what I did—to which I’d say, yeah. A little bit. I was a liar, after all. A liar, a killer, a freak, a psycho. Whatever you wanted to call me, I knew I could go overboard sometimes.
Corey Weinberger was…halfway between an unfortunate accident and a planned attack. I’d worn a black hoodie, took a kitchen knife, and stood outside his building, watching as Ash walked out—way after his office hours were officially over—and then him. I followed him to his car, all the while letting my anger, my jealousy, get the better of me.
Was Corey Weinberger innocent? Probably. He wasn’t a student, didn’t know Sawyer, wasn’t a pawn under anyone’s thumbs. But I knew, deep down, he had to be looking at Ash wrong. Everyone did. Right now she was the only female on campus, save for the professors and the other workers. Next year would be different; there would be other girls to draw attention, but right now, Ash was the only one.
I had to take care of him. I had to make sure he wouldn’t come between us. Did that make me wrong? Did that make me a monster? Maybe. Maybe I was just some hypocritical monster who would only come to realize at the end of my story that I’d been the villain all along.
But that was the thing about most villains—they never knew they were on the wrong side until it was too late. They never realized how twisted their views were, how evil they were. Everyone was a hero in his own mind, and I supposed I could be no different.
I was, though. I was different. I was no Ray Ruiz—being a serial killer didn’t run in my blood, although I supposed, with my current kill count, I was getting there. But, I would argue, all of those kills were necessary. Not one was unwarranted. I had to protect Mom from Dad, had to save Declan from Dad and Sabrina, had to keep Ash away from Corey. Now, Sawyer. Next, Travis.
My methods had gotten better over the years. Younger me was foolish to not go directly to the source of the problem and end it there. Younger me thought that by taking Mom out of this world, I was helping her finally escape the man she could never free herself from. Again and again she told me my father never hit her, but I never believed her. Even if the bruises weren’t there, my mind saw them. My mind placed them on her skin, and I wouldn’t believe otherwise.
What was that? Hallucinations? Delusions? Was I some schizophrenic mess whose parents never took him to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed? Did this all boil down to shitty parenting?
You know what? It didn’t matter. Not anymore. What I did, what I would do, everything from here on out was on me, not whatever was wrong with me. I decided what to do, and I would come up with a plan that would take Sawyer away forever.
I returned to my apartment, locking myself inside. The moment I was alone, I tore off my baseball cap and took off my thick black hoodie.
I couldn’t take care of Sawyer the same way I took care of Corey. There could be no pattern. And, unless I wanted Sawyer to die a martyr, for Ash to forever long for a lost love, I needed her to see his true colors before I snuffed him out. He had to go down in flames while simultaneously pushing Ash away. He had to die, and there had to be no doubt in Ash’s mind that he was nothing but a fuck-up.
Because that’s what he was. Sawyer might try to act like a better guy now, but he was no better than he was last year. Just a fuck-up masquerading as a dandy.
This would be Sawyer’s last year at Hillcrest, I’d see to it. Had to make it memorable, and since he didn’t give into the temptation of the pills I’d left him, I’d have to think up another way to send him spiraling.
Or…maybe I’d force him into his next spiral.
Chapter Eighteen – Ash
Midterms were in two weeks. Yeah. Two weeks were all I had left to really buckle down and get my shit together. It was the end of February, which meant spring break was coming up. Not once in my life had I ever really cared about that week off in the middle of the second half of the school year, but this year I did. Probably because I had boyfriends who could keep me company. Hell, maybe, for the first time in my life, I’d actually go somewhere. Every other year I just spent it at home, with Kelsey, running around town.
And sneaking around with Ray, but…best not think of those particular times.
I was currently in the Hillcrest library, working on a midterm paper for my sociology of aging class, my phone on silent. That wasn’t to say I was totally focused on my work, because I was also texting Kelsey.
Our spring breaks did not line up, unfortunately. There would be no running around town with her. The guys mentioned going home with me, meeting my mom, but with how my mom was around boys—remember that rape whistle she gave me at the beginning of the year? Yeah, me either. Didn’t know where the hell that thing went—I didn’t really want to bring a whole gaggle of boys home to her.
Hey, mom. Meet my boyfriends. I’m starting a collection, you know, like how I used to collect Pokémon cards.
Yeah, somehow I didn’t think that would work out too well. Kelsey thought it’d be hilarious; she told me to videotape it, but I would much rather go someplace else. Like a beach. Someplace warmer. Somewhere I could appreciate my boyfriends’ shirtless bodies all at once.
I was about to text Kelsey back, my paper about halfway done, when a tall figure stood beside me, blocking out the light above. Turning my head, I was about to tell him off—in a whisper, of course, since we were in a library and yelling was strictly forbidden—but once I saw who it was, my heart skipped a beat.
Will.
