Page 12 of Liar
“I would.”
He nodded, running a hand down his face. “Did you eat? Maybe we could order something in. I…I want to talk about Will and Declan, maybe get your advice.”
That was not at all what I’d expected him to say. He wanted my advice on how to go about wriggling himself into Ash’s life and heart while not pushing her current lovers away. Hah. Look at him, Sawyer Salvatore, all grown up and willing to put someone else’s feelings first. Truly, it was a first. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so desperate to belong.
Maybe Ash had changed him, made him want to be a better person.
Me? Did Ash make me want to be better? That was a difficult question to answer, because it involved me wanting to be better for someone else. I didn’t want to change for someone. I wanted Ash because she fit so well with my inner darkness. I wanted Ash because she was it. There was nobody else. Sawyer might change for her, Declan might change for her, but I wouldn’t. She would have me exactly as I was—and it was a good thing, too. Without me and my family, Ray would still be terrorizing her.
Maybe she’d be dead.
Or maybe she would’ve given in to his demands and joined him.
Eating with Sawyer was the last thing I wanted to do, but, for whatever reason, I couldn’t say no and walk away. I found myself agreeing, letting him do the ordering. I sat myself on the couch, kicked up my feet, and found myself thrust into a sense of deja vu. This was how it was before Ash. Me and him, hanging out here.
Things would never be the same, but…maybe they could get better. Maybe my guard was up only because I couldn’t see Ash being hurt again. Maybe it was all for nothing, and Sawyer really would forget his vices.
Time would tell.
Chapter Five – Ash
The second week of classes came full-force, and even though my mind often wandered to that lonely rich boy, I had too much to focus on. As in, already had some papers assigned. Already had one group project to do. And, alas, a pop quiz in my statistics course that I knew I failed.
Currently failing, I should say, because I hadn’t yet turned it in. It was the last thing we had to do before the professor let us leave. Half of the class was gone already, wanting to get out as quickly as possible, while I remained in the back of the classroom—more like a high school room than a large lecture hall—trying to figure out the equations.
It all looked like gibberish, but maybe that was because my mind was elsewhere.
God damn it. I was letting Sawyer distract me, even when he wasn’t in front of me. Even when I hadn’t spoken to him since I’d seen him that first day.
I shouldn’t let him take over my mind like this. I was stronger than this. I had doting and obsessing boyfriends; I didn’t need to pay any attention to Sawyer freaking Salvatore.
I leaned my face against a fist, staring down at the paper for a moment before flicking my gaze up and checking the clock. I was in no rush to get out of here, so I might as well take every single minute I could and try to at least pass this random quiz that, honestly, happened a little too early in the semester. I mean, we’d barely gotten started.
I shouldn’t say it was a professor teaching the class, either. He was a graduate student, and even though Hillcrest was a cut above the other colleges and universities around, it still used its grad students to teach some of its courses. Because that was college in America. The grad student, who told us on the first day of class that we could call him Corey—because he was too cool to be called Mr. So-and-so, apparently—was probably in his mid-twenties. Kind of cute, in the academic, sweater vest way. Not really my kind of cute, but hey, to each their own.
The equations on my paper looked like another language. Like hieroglyphics, an ancient set of symbols no one knew these days. Why was I taking statistics again?
Oh, right. Because certain math courses were part of the curriculum for everyone at Hillcrest. Math courses, and writing courses, because I guess what we learned in high school wasn’t enough.
Apparently not, if my blanking mind had anything to say about it. Granted, it wasn’t like I spent my winter break studying up on bell curves and flow charts and equations that held nearly every letter of the alphabet.
More guys got up and turned in their quizzes, zipping up their bags and generally being loud before leaving the room. Based on this alone, I knew this class would be the one I would have the most trouble with. I needed to crack open my textbook and actually study the chapters we learned in class.
Math was something you either understood or you didn’t. You were good at it, or you were horrible at it. There was no in-between. I was good at algebra, but Hillcrest statistics were…let’s say a bit more advanced than I was used to. I normally got good grades, but this course might just kill me.
Not the best thing to joke around and say, but I meant it.
And with Dean Briggs dead, I had no idea what the hell I was going to do next year. Most of the tuition this year was covered with a scholarship, but what if that scholarship stopped? There was no way I could afford to go here, no way I could take out that many loans. If I’d only have one year at Hillcrest, what would I do? I’d have to say goodbye to these guys, because I’d have to go somewhere closer to home, somewhere cheaper. Maybe Sumit, where Kelsey was going.
Shit. I didn’t think I could handle it. Being away from the guys, now that we were finally together and happy, I just couldn’t do it.
I wouldn’t.
I would find a way to stay here. After all, next year Hillcrest was opening its misogynistic gates and allowing girls. I would no longer be the only female on campus.
That…should be a good thing. It’d make me less singled-out. But, if I was honest, a part of me did worry that whatever special charm I held over the guys would fade. If that happened, then I guessed it meant we weren’t meant to be together, anyway.
That thought hurt, and it really made me lose whatever bit of focus I had on the quiz paper on my desk.
