Page 4 of Liar
“I’m back,” I repeated, keeping her books near me. For whatever reason, I was nervous that she’d hightail it out of here if she got ahold of them. I was not above using her textbooks to force her to be here; I knew she might not want to see me, not after our goodbye, not after what I did.
I could tell she wanted to keep her guard up, but a tiny smile still surfaced on her lips as she said, “You look good, Sawyer.”
Oh, come on. We both knew I looked a lot better than good. Hell, I looked better than I ever had, and I felt good, too. That wasn’t to say there wouldn’t be temptation in my future, but I had to believe that I was strong enough to resist. For myself, for Ash, for our future. I had no idea the state of her relationship with Travis and Declan—or fucking Will—but even if she was still with them, I wasn’t going to sit back and give up on her. I couldn’t. She’d wormed her way into my icy, broken heart, and by God, I’d do the same to her.
“Wish I could say the same,” I spoke, sarcasm laced with every word.
Her eyes narrowed, a frown forming on those full lips.
“What? You don’t look good,” I told her, leaning forward onto her books. “You look amazing, but you always do.”
An incredulous chuckle left her, and she shook her head, a tiny smile growing. “Back to your old tricks?” A question meant to test me.
“No.”
“No?” Her blonde eyebrows lifted, and she folded her arms across her chest, crossing her legs under the table. The motion caused her foot to rub against my leg, and the teeny gesture made me want to reach over the table and show her exactly how much I missed her. But I didn’t, and her foot didn’t touch me for long. She angled her legs away from mine, being careful not to let it happen again.
“No,” I repeated. “I hope to leave last semester me in the past.”
Ash nodded once, saying, “Good. Last semester Sawyer was a bit of a dick.”
Laughing, I agreed, “He definitely made some stupid decisions.”
“Some?”
“Okay, a lot.”
Silence overtook the table, and for the longest time we simply stared at each other, the silence between us saying more than words could ever hope to. It was a heavy silence, helped by the almost vacant cafeteria. Once this semester started up in full swing, the cafeteria would never be this empty.
Fuck. I really missed this girl. How was it that she’d stormed into my life and took hold of me so easily? All those other girls in the past…none had ever come close to doing what she did. Not a single one.
“How are things?” I broke the silence, sounding, for the first time in my life, quite lame. Ash made me feel like a loser, a freak. Someone who wasn’t half as cool as I thought I was. She made me look in the mirror and see just how horrible my life had become.
“Things are good,” she said, biting her bottom lip. “You missed a lot. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Dean Briggs—”
I closed my eyes, nodding. I’d gotten out of rehab just after Christmas, and my family had told me all about what had happened. While in rehab, I didn’t have access to my phone or any TV, so I hadn’t heard until my parents told me.
“Dean Briggs is dead,” I finished for her. Dean Briggs was dead; Will had killed him, effectively ending the mystery of what happened to Sabrina. Dean fucking Briggs got what he deserved, if you asked me. He got off easy. For what that man did…he should be alive and miserable, in prison. “My parents told me.”
Ash nodded again. “Will’s really shaken up about it. He didn’t get along with his dad, but…still. Killing your own dad has to leave a mark, right? Even if that dad was a scumbag.” She stared hard at me, unrelenting in her intensity. “I really just want this semester to be a good one. I know you can never really get over losing someone like that, but I want everything to be better.”
“I agree.”
She stared at me, as if surprised at what I said.
“I want this semester to be better, too,” I told her, running my hand along the spines of her textbooks. “I don’t want there to be drama. I don’t want to fight.” A sigh left me. “Ash, I don’t want things to be like they were. Things have to change.”
“And how do you want things to change?” Another question testing me, but luckily this was one question I’d prepared myself for.
“I’m done lying. To you, to me, to Declan and Travis. I just…” I trailed off, my eyes falling to the table. A pit grew in my stomach; saying this and practicing it in my head were two totally different things. It was a lot harder to say it to her, with those stormy grey eyes staring holes into my very soul. “I don’t want to fight. I want to make up for the things I’ve done. I want to be a part of your life.”
Me, Sawyer Salvatore, pleading with a girl to let me be in her life. It wasn’t something I ever imagined myself doing, let alone desperately needing, but I did. I needed her to agree to let me stay, to allow me to try.
I needed this girl more than I needed the air in my lungs. Without her, there was no meaning to any of it. My family? I hated them. The only one I cared about was Sabrina, and she was gone. My friends? I didn’t have any friends right now, because of what I did. Without Ash, I had nothing.
She was everything.
Did I sound like a lovesick puppy? I kind of felt like one, which was such a switch to me. I didn’t know how to take it, how to act without sounding too overly desperate. I needed Ash to know I was serious, but I didn’t want to be too pushy. I’d be persistent, but I would not force anything to happen where it shouldn’t. Ash had to come to me on her own.
