Page 12 of Defiant
My mom.
Great.
I answered it right away, saying, “Mom. Where are you?” Normally she’d be here by now. I did spot a few familiar faces from the party, though Brittany and her posse were long gone. The bastards. Everyone steered clear of me, shooting a few glances my way, along with ugly snickers.
“The van broke down. Luckily, I’m not too far from the house, but I can’t come pick you up,” my mom spoke in a hurry, sounding totally freaked out. “I can’t imagine what the cost of a tow will be in this town. It’ll blow everything I’ve earned so far, I think.”
I really hoped that was my mom exaggerating, but I knew the cost of the move hadn’t been cheap—and we were never a family overflowing with money. Damn it. Couldn’t that van have waited a few weeks before breaking down?
Or, hell, couldn’t my mom have called a few minutes ago, when Dante was still here?
“Do you think you could get a ride with someone? I really don’t want you walking—” As my mom spoke, my eyes flicked around. By now, I’d say the majority of Midpark students had either funneled into their rides home or their vehicles. The parking lot was mostly empty, save for some stragglers, none of which I knew.
Really, I didn’t know anyone well enough to feel comfortable asking them for a ride, not after what happened on Friday.
Maybe Vaughn, but I didn’t see him. Maybe Bobbi, but ditto. She and I were supposed to get together after school this week to practice the choir songs—the concert was in two weeks, which hardly felt like enough time.
Shit. I really had no one.
It was as I stood there, listening to my mom drone on about how it wasn’t safe to walk in Midpark, as I looked around at the emptying parking lot, that it really hit me. Everything, all at once, like a brick wall thrown right at my body.
I was alone.
Not really alone, but as alone as someone could be near other people. These Midpark students didn’t give two shits about me. Archer had fucked me and dumped me, and I was sure the gossip mill was rampant today with what had happened at the party. Brittany probably had ninety percent of the school behind her, rallied against me. Bobbi wasn’t really my friend; she was only helping me because Ms. Haber told her to. And Vaughn…
Vaughn probably just found me strange, something fresh and new, someone who could occupy his time. He was confused by me, but that’s it. Whatever strange feelings that had risen inside me when we were close didn’t really mean anything.
Nothing I felt here mattered.
Nothing at all—and that was a depressing thought if I ever had one.
“It’s okay, Mom,” I told her. “I’ll find a way home.”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
I closed my eyes when she said that. It wasn’t the first time my mom had apologized for something out of her control. We were never dirt poor, but we were always one disaster away from not being able to pay the bills. Here, we had fewer bills, but since we lived in Ollie’s house, he was also paying her less, our live-in situation factored into her pay.
“Don’t be,” I said. “Things happen. I’ll be home soon.” After I told her the usual I love you and goodbye, I hung up, heaving a sigh.
I did my best to be strong, but sometimes pretending to be strong wasn’t enough. Sometimes you just felt the overwhelming urge to sit down, slump your shoulders, and give up. The depressing feeling didn’t often get to me, but after everything that happened, I supposed it was only a matter of time.
I was strong, but I wasn’t that strong.
As I slid my phone into my pocket, I wondered if Mom would even know if I chose to walk home. Maybe Frank, the guard at the gate, would tell on me, or maybe he wouldn’t. Mom would literally—eh, well, almost literally—kill me if I walked home right after reassuring her that I would find a ride.
In the end, I figured I’d walk, since I really had no one I could ask. I’d make do. Since I survived a mini-kidnapping earlier, I could handle anything else the day threw at me.
Bring it on, Midpark. These shoulders of mine might slump every once in a while, but you have not won this battle. You won’t, ever, because I’m going to win.
As I walked the route back to the Fitzpatrick’s house, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy, like someone was watching me. I kept throwing glances over my shoulder, figuring my mom’s paranoia had gotten to me. I got my dad’s looks but my mom’s suspicion. Yay for me.
On the walk home, a tow truck drove by, pulling my mom’s van. Whatever was wrong with it, she probably wouldn’t have the money to cover it. I wished I could help, somehow, but I—
Wait a minute. I had some leftover money under my mattress. Granted, I’d hoped to save that money for a time when I needed it, or to further pay Jacob for his services, but…what good was paying Jacob more if he ended up finding something and my mom and I had no way to leave the city?
The same could be said of the flipside, though. What if I somehow gave my mom the money, she fixed the van, but Jacob refused to work for me unless I paid him more?
Shit. Either way it seemed I was up shit creek without a paddle. Both sides had possible consequences. I’d have to choose one and hope for the best.
