Page 64 of Defiant
Huh. Kind of proud of myself, there, for not looking like an idiot.
He opened his, drinking nearly half of it as he went to the couch in the living room, propped his feet up on the coffee table, and stared at me. “Well?” he asked. “Aren’t you going to follow me in here and tell me what’s on your mind?” He didn’t sound happy about it, but then again, Jacob hardly ever sounded happy, so there was that.
I inched toward the couch, sitting beside him. I kept some distance between us; half a cushion. Surely that would be enough to stop myself from thinking of things I shouldn’t. “You know,” I said, opening my bottle and taking a small sip, “normal people talk about their feelings.”
Jacob scoffed at that. “That’s why, if you haven’t already noticed, I don’t do friends.”
He didn’t do friends, as in he didn’t have them. It didn’t surprise me, because it seemed like he was always working or taking care of me, at least lately. I had no idea what his life was like before I stepped foot in it.
Probably better.
“Family?” I asked, kicking off my shoes and tucking my feet under my legs as I turned toward him on the couch. Now that I was thinking about it, there were no pictures of anyone in his apartment. No old photographs of his life when he was younger or any momentous occasions he’d like to remember.
I noticed a muscle twitch in his jaw before he muttered, “Everyone who’s important is dead.” He finished off his water bottle, holding it in his lap, squeezing it a bit too hard.
Maybe I should’ve told him I was sorry, but I didn’t. I said, “So…you’re alone?”
He nodded, glancing at me. “I’m alone. I’ve been that way for years—and I was doing just fine, too.” Jacob frowned, turning his face away. He leaned forward, setting his empty bottle on the coffee table after moving his legs off. He stayed hunched like that as he whispered, “Until…”
“Until what?” I really should’ve known, or at least expected, what his answer would be, but still, when he said what he said next, I found myself a little shocked.
“Until you.” Jacob, his shoulders and back hunched forward, turned his head so he could glare at me. Glare, as if he was upset at me for barging into his life and upending it. “I was fine. I was getting ready to leave this God-forsaken fucking place, and then you stumbled into my life and threw it all to hell.”
Threw it all to hell? Oh, come on. I wasn’t that bad, was I?
“You made me care about things again, and to be frank, I fucking hate it.”
At this point, I didn’t know if I should be insulted or not with what he was saying. “If it makes you feel any better, I never meant to make you care—” That had, honestly, been an accident. I didn’t even know how it happened.
Jacob leaned back on the couch, though his wide, muscular body leaned more toward me than away. “I don’t believe you,” he murmured, hazel eyes narrowed at me. “I don’t believe you for a second when you say you never meant to.”
I blinked. “What? Why not?” It was a good thing I had a water bottle to hold onto, otherwise I might hold onto him instead.
“You’re pushy, you’re cocky, and regardless of how wrong it is, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. You know the power you have over idiots like me,” Jacob whispered. He did not seem happy at all to admit this to me. “You don’t need me to tell you that.”
Something inside of me twisted. I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen? Did Jacob just say that, or did I imagine it? Those words…I never thought I’d hear those words ever leave his mouth, and I didn’t know how to respond. For as pushy as I could be, when faced with a compliment like that, I had no idea what to do.
Guys had called me pretty before, but the most beautiful, ever? Uh, this was a first.
“Uh.” That was all I could say for a while, which made me want to smack myself. “I’m sorry?” Hmm. Maybe I should’ve gone with something like you’re not an idiot.
“You’re not,” Jacob said. “You’re never sorry. You wrap us all around your fingers with a smile, knowing you’ll never let us go.” He let out a chuckle, and it was anything but a happy sound. Before he said anything else, he snatched the water bottle from my hands and drank from it.
Jeez. This man could chug water like no one’s business, huh?
When he was finished, he threw the bottle aside. It landed on the carpet on the other side of the room, near the TV stand. “Maybe you don’t understand—I want to fucking kill those kids for what they almost did to you. I shouldn’t be this involved in your life, but I am, and now I can’t imagine not being so involved.” He ran his hands through his hair, sticking some of its brown lengths straight up. “I fucking hate this.” After groaning, he got up.
I watched him disappear down the hall, wondering if I should go after him.
I probably should.
As I stood and slowly made my way out of the living room, following him yet again, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should apologize again for all of this. Yes, he’d started out as an investigator for me, but somewhere along the way he’d become more. More to me than just someone I’d hired to figure out the mysteries of this place, more to me than I could ever explain.
Hell, even after firing him, I still wanted to see him. Jacob had been one of my first thoughts after what happened on Monday.
I found him in his bedroom, leaning on his dresser, his head bent down. My feet stopped when I stood in the doorway, and I knew I shouldn’t step foot in this man’s bedroom…not unless I was willing to accept whatever might happen. We were hot and cold, sometimes. Okay, most of the time—but that was generally because of Jacob, not me.
I…I knew he was a bit older than me, knew I shouldn’t want to feel his body against mine, but I did.
