Page 42 of Defiant
“I fucked up, Jaz. I fucked up bad.”
Again, with the blinking. “That much is already obvious, you know.”
“No, I don’t mean being with you,” he clarified, causing my heart to do something stupid in my chest. “I wanted that.”
“Normally, when guys with girlfriends want to sleep with someone else, they pull up some porn and jerk off,” I said. “Only the real shitty ones actually go out and find someone else to stick it in.” I was aware I was talking about myself being on the receiving end of the dick, but hey, I meant every single word of it.
Archer could only shake his head at that, which infuriated me to no end.
God, I wanted to both kill him and feel his hot skin on mine again. How wrong was that? It was like I didn’t even learn my lesson.
“Normal people don’t do what you did,” I told him, frowning. “Normal people don’t let their girlfriend make a fool out of someone else. You should’ve told me you had a girlfriend. I’m not a homewrecker—I don’t go looking for unavailable guys and throw myself at them. You lied to me by keeping her a secret, and now I’m the whole laughingstock of Midpark High.”
Archer’s blue eyes closed, and his head turned down. “I know.”
“Do you? I don’t think you do. I don’t think you feel bad at all for what you did, but me? Oh, I feel something, all right. I feel angry. I feel used. I feel so fucking mad I could strangle you.” Each and every word I spoke was a fact. Now, I was past the point of sugarcoating anything, especially for him. “I could’ve been gang-raped at that party, and you don’t even fucking care—”
That got his eyes to open, a look of pure shock on his face as he said, “What? No, I wouldn’t…Brittany said she wanted to make an example out of you—”
“Yeah,” I spoke with a nod, “by spiking my drink and making a fool out of me.”
“She didn’t spike your drink.”
“Well, if she didn’t, you did.”
Archer was vehement. “No, I never would’ve done that. I didn’t even want to bring you to the party. Jaz, I…are you sure your drink was spiked?”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I don’t think a single drink would make me feel like a dead girl walking.”
He shook his head, turning away from me, muttering a soft “Fuck.”
I watched his reaction, wondering why I felt something tug on my heartstrings. I seriously wasn’t falling for this schtick, was I? I’d already fallen for his shit once; I did not need to add a second time to the roster.
“I knew she was crazy, but I didn’t think she’d go that far…” Archer mumbled under his breath, sounding like he was talking to himself more than he was talking to me. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering everything she’s done already.”
At this point, I didn’t know what to think. Either Archer was a good actor—which I already knew he was, since he’d conveniently never mentioned his girlfriend at all during the time we were together before our hookup—or he was being completely serious.
Was Brittany the one who drugged my drink at the party? Was she the one pulling all of the strings? Were Bobbi’s words true: did Brittany have something on Archer to make him her lapdog?
And, perhaps the heaviest of questions racing through my head: if Brittany was the one at fault, if she was some evil mastermind behind everything, would that change anything between Archer and me?
I…I couldn’t say.
Finding my voice, I muttered, “I don’t understand.”
Archer shook his head, finally returning his gaze to me. He wore a conflicted expression, one that made me actually ache deep inside. “You wouldn’t. You’re new here. You don’t understand how cruel everyone is around here.”
“Actually, I think you showed me.”
“I never wanted this. I just…you were new. You didn’t know anyone. You had no idea of any of Midpark’s history. I could close my eyes and pretend with you, feel what I wanted to feel and not what someone else wanted me to. I could be who I wanted to be.” Archer’s wide chest fell with a sigh. “I never wanted to hurt you, Jaz. Please, if there’s one thing you should believe, it’s that.”
At this point, I didn’t know what to believe. “So, you slept with me because I was new?”
He could not shake his head no fast enough. “No. I wanted you because you were fun, nice—and so beautiful it hurts to look at you. I like you, Jaz, and it sucks to know I’m the reason Midpark is against you. I knew better. I should’ve done better, but I didn’t…and now you’re paying the price for my mistake.”
I ran a hand through my hair, incredulous of everything he was telling me. “Why couldn’t you have told me any of this before? Why wait until now?” God, I didn’t understand anything, did I? It didn’t matter if I believed him; a seed of doubt had planted itself in my head, in spite of myself.
“There are eyes and ears everywhere. She’s got friends everywhere, and her family knows everyone. If one of them saw me with you, talking to you, they’d run and tell her. I thought my house was safe, since I’m always with her when she’s over, but I guess I was wrong.” Archer breathed out a long, hard breath. “I was wrong about a lot of things.”
