Page 17 of Reckless
“Why not?” I asked, blinking, holding my mom’s stare as I felt my heart start to beat a little faster in my chest. I truly had no idea what my dad was like, nor why Mom always got that deer in headlights look when he was brought up. “Did we move because of him?” As far as I knew, Mom hadn’t dated in years. She never brought guys home, never even talked about doing so, and I’d always thought that was normal, but now…now I wondered just how much Mom had hidden from me all these years.
“I thought we were safe there, but I was wrong,” Mom whispered, her green eyes on the table before her. She spoke softly, hesitantly, as if afraid that my dad himself would pop through the walls and say peekaboo! “A month before your birthday, I got a letter. No return address. It wasn’t labeled with any name, but I didn’t need to see his signature to know it was from your father.”
My back straightened, and I leaned against the chair behind me. So he’d found us, and she’d forced us to run. Didn’t seem right.
“He wanted to see you after you turned eighteen. He wanted…” Mom paused, and she reached for her glass and chugged down the water inside. No wine tonight, although, if any night were a night for drinking, it’d be right now. “He wanted a chance to talk to you, to show you who he was. He said he’d known where we were all along, but let me believe I’d gotten us free of him.”
“Mom,” I spoke cautiously, hoping I wouldn’t step on any toes, “what is it about him that made us run from him?”
“I was young when I first met him,” she said. “Very young. Younger than you are now. He was young, too. He was…he was a part of something I thought he’d grow out of.” A short chuckle left her as she shook her head. “I was in love, and a fool. I thought he’d leave his crew.”
A crew? Like a gang? My mind flashed back to the first day I met Dante, and it was as my mind slowly put together all of the pieces that I realized my dad was still watching me, just through Dante.
Dante hadn’t admitted it to me, not really, but if I went to him with this knowledge, would he come clean? Was my dad the Skull guy he talked about, the one who’d banished him for trying to kidnap me against my will?
“But once you’re a part of the crew, you never leave it,” Mom was saying. “I’d thought he was a better man than he was, but he was just like the rest. Once I saw his real self, I…I got scared and I ran. At the time, I had no idea I was pregnant with you, but somehow he must’ve found me and found out about you.”
I watched as Mom shook her head, a look of guilt and sorrow across her features.
“I could never be with a man like that.” To say she sounded bitter would be an understatement, especially when she said, “Look where we are now. Maybe letting your father meet you would’ve been better than this. I’d thought Midpark would be a nice change, something that would be good for you, but look at us now.”
There was nothing I could say in that moment to lessen what my mom felt, no words to say to make her feel better, so I kept quiet, dropping my gaze to the half-eaten plate in front of me on the table. My appetite hadn’t been here to begin with, but now I wanted to eat even less.
I looked like him, she’d told me so. Mom must hate looking at me, knowing she was seeing a younger, feminine version of him.
“I’m sorry that I kept the truth from you,” she added, “but I did it for your own good. For mine, too. I thought we were safer without him. I thought I was doing what was best for the both of us. I never imagined he’d been keeping silent tabs on us for eighteen years.”
Mom sounded genuine in her apology, but still. I didn’t know what to say. Knowing she’d kept Dad’s existence a secret from me, that he wanted to meet me, made me so confused. If he was as bad of a guy as Mom made him out to be, I didn’t want to meet him, ever…but at the same time, maybe I should. Maybe me getting into trouble was just me following unknowingly in his footsteps.
I then spoke the words I knew I had to: “It’s okay, Mom.”
She reached over the table toward me, clasping one of my hands in hers as she squeezed. “You deserved to know about him, honey. I don’t regret what I did, because I do think, even now, you’re better off not knowing your father. I just wish we didn’t end up here.” Mom shook her head. “I had no idea Midpark was so…insidious.”
Insidious was not quite the word I’d use to describe this place, but seeing as how Mom didn’t know the half of it, still, I kept quiet.
“It’s okay, Mom,” I paused, withdrawing my hand out from under hers. “But you can’t keep me locked in this house. I need to find out who’s trying to frame me.”
“Let Oliver and Jacob handle that, honey.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “I don’t want this to go on forever. I want to draw them out.” Them. Him. Her. Whoever it was wouldn’t appreciate me hunkering down in this big house. No, I’d go on, pretend life was normal, and see what they did next, all while keeping an eye on my own back. You couldn’t be too careful here.
“That’s not your job,” Mom spoke, taking on that familiar motherly tone. “I want you to be safe, Jaz, and that means not going out and trying to find trouble yourself.”
“I’ll be safe,” I promised something I had no reason to promise, because I couldn’t predict the future. “But I can’t stay in this house every night, Mom.”
She looked like she wanted to argue with me, to remind me that I was still in high school and still lived under her roof—to which I’d say, yes, but I was eighteen. And, also, this roof wasn’t technically hers. It was Ollie’s, and Ollie had said nothing about staying here and pretending I didn’t still have a life to live.
“If something happens to you,” she whispered, “I will never forgive myself. You’re everything to me, honey. I need you to stay safe.”
I thought about reassuring her some more, but I couldn’t. All I could do was give her a smile I hoped she believed, a confidence I didn’t truly have. If things were going to get sticky in Midpark, worse than they already were, I wanted to be able to have a little fun on the side. Focusing on doom and gloom was good for nobody.
The next day in school wasn’t mandatory, as it was the day of Ryan’s funeral. Even students who had perfect attendance were allowed to leave in the middle of the day to go to it; though most kids decided not to show up at all. I’d say less than half of Midpark High’s students were in school today.
Jacob dropped me off a bit earlier than I usually arrived; he was so not a morning person, it was kind of funny. I also thought he hated practically being at my beck and call for this. Still, there were worse things to see bright and early in the morning than his stubbly, handsome, scowling face.
Even though I probably shouldn’t be in a decent mood, I was—probably because of the little chat I had with my mom last night. We’d finally spoken about my dad, and though I might’ve been upset with her in the past for keeping that from me, now I understood. Oh, yeah, after everything that’s happened in Midpark, I understood why my mom would want to keep me from that life.
My dad wasn’t a good guy. It sounded like he was one of the worst ones out there. And if, by chance, he was the same Skull who’d banished Dante for disobeying him, there was still more I could find out by talking to Dante about it.
