Page 63 of Reckless
It was one Tuesday afternoon when I texted Jaz and told her to meet me in the back of the school, after the final class of the day let out. I wanted to spend some time with her, to bask in her presence, and to my great relief she told me yes.
One of the science rooms sat empty during the last period of every day, and I was close enough with the other science teachers that I got them to unlock it for me. Told them I’d forgotten something in there earlier, and that I’d flip the lock on the door handle on my way out and lock it back up so they wouldn’t have to linger and wait for me.
And they believed me, because everyone always did. I didn’t think I was that good of a liar, but maybe after putting on a show for so long when it came to Brittany, I’d gotten good at it accidentally. Not something to be proud of, I know.
I kept the lights off, sitting on a table off to the side, away from the view of the window in the door. I hadn’t gone to my locker yet, coming straight here to make sure I could actually get in before texting Jaz and seeing if she could meet me. Or, you know, practically begging her to. When it came to that girl, I was not proud. She had me on my knees most days, and I willingly sunk there, because I knew I’d fucked her over in more ways than one.
I knew I didn’t deserve forgiveness when it came to her, that sometimes mistakes could not be undone, the consequences of some actions too weighty and horrible, but I wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth. I would swallow and nod, accept whatever it was Jaz decided to give me, whether it was merely her time, or her heart, or her body.
Preferably I’d take all three, but maybe that was me being greedy.
My phone rested in my hands, and I waited for Jaz to arrive. When she poked her head in through the door and glanced around the empty room, spotting me in the corner, a smile graced her full lips, and she came in, closing the door behind her.
Today she wore the tightest, most torn jeans I’d ever seen on a pair of legs. She wore them well. I couldn’t stop staring—but then again, I could never stop staring, regardless of what she wore. She was beauty incarnate, the most drop-dead gorgeous girl I’d ever seen, her beauty natural, her poise sure and confident, even after being accused of murder and dragged out of here in handcuffs.
“I told Jacob I had something to do,” she told me, holding her hands behind her back as she walked up to me, a glint in her dark eyes I couldn’t ignore. Her hair was tousled and wavy, its thick, black lengths tumbling over her shoulders. Hair like that was easy to tug, easy to weave your fingers through and pull to expose her neck. “He’s got no choice but to wait for me.” She stopped when she stood just before my knees, and she set her hands on them, lightly touching me.
Jacob. I was not proud of the jealousy that seared within me at the mention of his name. That guy was always around, always watching, and I didn’t know what to say without giving it away. I hadn’t seen them together much, but from what little I did see, I knew the truth.
“He likes you,” I muttered, attempting to hide the unhappiness from my tone. Talking about another guy and his feelings for Jaz wasn’t what this was supposed to be about.
“He does more than that,” Jaz said, grinning. “He’s a good man.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Is he? Is that why he was let go from the force three years ago?” Okay, so I might’ve done some research on him. You know, for reasons not entirely pertaining to Jaz.
All right. Just for Jaz.
She let out a soft chuckle. “There were some other circumstances then. He was…” Her hands fell off my knees, and Jaz moved to sit on the table beside me, her leg leaning against mine once she was situated. “He was a victim of circumstance, just like me.”
The only reason Jaz was a victim of circumstance was because of me, and I felt terrible for dragging her into this mess. Now people were dead, and Jaz looked like she was the culprit for at least one of them.
Brittany. Should’ve known she’d never disappear without dragging us all down simultaneously.
“Still jealous,” Jaz went on, giving me the side-eye.
“I am not,” I said. This time, the lie did not come out sounding believable. This time I could not have come out sounding like a worse liar, the truth plain as day.
She leaned her shoulder into my arm, saying, “You are, but it’s okay. As long as you don’t act on that jealousy, it’s fine. I’m sure the others feel it, too—though they’re much better at hiding it than you are—”
At that, I creased my eyebrows. “What?”
“Did I never come out and tell you?” Jaz scratched her head, looking ridiculously thoughtful. “I guess you and I did have a bunch of other things to talk about.” She paused, staring at me for a few moments before saying, “You know I hang out with Vaughn and Dante all the time.”
“I know you’re close to them, yeah,” I muttered, not too thrilled about it, but what could I do?
“I see Jacob a lot, too. I saw him a lot before Ollie hired him to be on my case and follow me around everywhere.” Jaz bit the inside of her cheek. “I’ve told them that I need them all.” Her language could not have been less clear.
Blinking, I repeated, “You need them all?” Was I just supposed to guess what that meant?
“Yeah, you know, why choose? They want me, and I want them, so…” She shrugged. “I have more than one boyfriend, I guess.” There was the blunt Jaz I knew was hiding somewhere, the one not afraid to say what was on her mind, regardless of how her words would fall upon the room.
Luckily, it was just me in the room, and I was…well, I didn’t know how I was right now. Shocked? Not really. Concerned was more like it. Concerned for her well-being, surrounded by the two psychos of Midpark High and an ex-policeman who’d, from what I read, been let go under some very dubious circumstances.
Jaz went on, “They know I care for you, Archer. They know you and I are starting over, but you need to know the opposite. Just because I want to start over with you doesn’t mean I’m going to push the others away.”
“What does that mean?” What it meant should’ve been obvious to me, and yet I wanted to hear her say it, just to make sure the hammer actually hit the nail in my head.
“It means I want to see you while still seeing them,” she put it in plainer terms, terms I could not sit and be confused about.
