Page 84 of Reckless
I hated this place, I realized. I hated this place with all of my heart and soul, along with most of the people in it. There were a few who obviously didn’t fit with my hate, but everyone else could go fuck themselves.
Groaning, I leaned my head down on my textbook and closed my eyes. Why couldn’t things be simple? Why was everything so frigging hard? I bet any other eighteen year old didn’t have to deal with shit like this and worry about living until graduation. I bet all they had to worry about was the typical boyfriend drama or the acceptance or rejection from their colleges of choice.
But life wasn’t fair, and I was old enough to know that by now. Cutting off my old life, saying goodbye to my old friends without really saying goodbye… dropping everything and moving here had been the hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life, or so I thought. This, trying to stay afloat and survive Midpark, was even more difficult.
Even though the last thing I was was tired—exhausted to my bones, yes, but tired? No—the next time I lifted my head off my textbook, I found I’d been drooling.
Whoops.
I wiped my mouth off, glancing through the curtains nearby to see that night had fallen. A quick look at my phone told me it was after one in the morning. Ugh. Falling asleep while trying to do homework to distract myself was not something I was proud of. In fact, I wasn’t sure what that said about me.
My eyes weren’t adjusted to light, so I fumbled as I walked to the light switch on the other side of the room, turning it off. I still wore my regular clothes, and I practically fell over as I tried to get out of them, switching into my loose pajamas. My jeans, my socks, my bra and my shirt were on the floor; the only thing I kept on as I switched was my underwear.
I thought I’d be too freaked out to sleep, but as it turned out, being so mentally drained was tiring beyond belief. Who would’ve known?
My plan was to just crawl into bed, but then I remembered the whole teeth brushing thing everyone’s supposed to do before bed. With a yawn, I shuffle out of my room and to the bathroom across the hall. Archer had been using a different one, so none of my stuff was touched.
The house was eerily silent, and I took my time in brushing my teeth in the darkness. Turning on a light would be too blinding. When I was done, I headed into the hall, turning to return to my room.
Only, something stopped me. A large shadow standing in front of my semi-open door.
My feet were silent on the carpet below as I inched closer, and I squinted to try to see who it was. They had their back to me, but judging from the shoulder length and the muscles under the shirt, it could only be one person.
“Archer?” I whispered. Had to be quiet, lest we wake my mom down the hall.
He turned toward me, and I saw that’s exactly who it was. Before he could say anything, I went to hold a hand in front of his mouth, stopping him, and I dragged him into my room and closed the door. Any midnight chat in the hallway was asking for trouble.
Through the darkness, I could hardly see his expression. “What’s wrong?” A lot was wrong, I knew, but I meant what was wrong in this exact moment.
“I can’t sleep,” he spoke quietly. “I heard you get up, and I…” Before Archer could say anything else, he folded into me, his tall stature shrinking to allow him to cave into me and rest his head on my shoulder. “I hate being alone,” he whispered.
Even though the position was more than a little uncomfortable, I knew I couldn’t kick him out of my room. Not when he sounded so sad, not when he sounded like he was falling apart. I’d do my best to put this boy back together.
I moved us to my bed; at least it would be easier to hold him rather than our awkward standing positions. Archer was just too damned tall. “Come on,” I whispered, pulling him down with me. He came without a fight.
Archer’s arms wrapped around me, and he held me close, his nose buried in the crook of my neck. He’d tried to be so strong these last few days, but pretending to be strong was draining, and I knew even the strongest of people needed a break. I would gladly be that break for him, shoulder as many of his burdens as I could.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, apologizing for everything that, in truth, wasn’t my fault, but I blamed myself for it anyway. All of this death… would it still be happening if I wasn’t here?
We lay there for a while, Archer’s strong body calming down as I held onto him and he onto me. I ran my fingers through his hair—his clean hair, I might add, since he’d showered earlier—and focused on just being here for him. Being his rock, the anchor that would weather him through this horrible storm.
“Jaz,” he whispered, his breath hot on my neck. He rolled his head off me, resting it on my pillow as he stared at me through the darkness. One of his hands cupped my cheeks, and he moved his forehead to lean it against mine. “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.”
His words caused my heart to beat a little faster in my chest, and I ran my fingertips along his cheek. I thought about coming back with a witty quip, but now wasn’t the time. Instead, I let my body do the talking: I tilted my mouth, clumsily landing it on his through the darkness.
He kissed me like I was a desperate need of his. Not a want, but an urgent need he had to fill, otherwise he’d lose it. Archer’s lips were soft and gentle at first, tentative in showing how much he truly needed me, but within seconds those lips told me just how bad his need was.
In the next moment, he had me pinned to the bed under him, his body leaning down upon mine. He learned I had no bra on…and I learned he had nothing on beneath those gym shorts, either.
I should stop him, stop us from doing this. Now wasn’t the time to get lost in each other, especially since neither of us had any protection. I knew what I should do, but what I should do and what I did do were two very different things.
…I didn’t stop him.
I didn’t stop his hands from roaming beneath my shirt, pawing at my chest like two greedy things. I didn’t stop his tongue from pushing into my mouth, dancing with mine and causing a fire to erupt inside of me. And I sure as hell didn’t stop him from pressing his hips down upon mine, forcing me to feel the growing boner there.
Shit. This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea on so many levels, and yet it was like I didn’t care. Bad idea or not, I wanted to do it. I wanted to give in and let Archer take whatever it was he needed from me right now, no matter what the consequences might be.
Right now, I didn’t want to take things slow with him. I wanted to make him feel anything but sad, help him see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it was only for tonight. Whatever tomorrow brought us, we’d weather the storm together.
