Page 86 of Reckless
Fuck this fucking tie.
“Need help?” A deep voice came from the doorway, and with a quick look over my shoulder, I spotted who it was. Not a man I’d normally accept help from, not a man I’d ever want to be caught dead with, but nevertheless a man who Jaz liked.
Jacob Hall.
“I got it,” I said, immediately proving with my ignorance that I did not, in fact, have it. Maybe it was my nerves; it wasn’t like this was the first time I’d ever had to tie a tie before. This time, though, was the first time a tie actually mattered. I wanted to look good, to look my best as I sent my mom off. Was that so wrong?
“Here,” Jacob spoke with a scowl, walking into the room. “Let me.” He was already dressed in his suit; a crisp black two piece, his undershirt a dark grey. Unlike me, he didn’t wear a tie, and he kept the top button undone. I did notice that he’d gotten his hair cut. Must’ve done it last night after he left the house.
And he shaved.
Hmm. I needed no guesses to know who he was trying to impress.
I tried not to glare as he came closer to help me with my tie. I tried not to think of the fact that Jaz was with him, just like she was with me. Now wasn’t the time for pointless jealousy. Today was about my mom, the woman this world had lost, and not anything else.
When he was done with my tie, and I gave it a once-over in the mirror, Jacob asked, “You doing okay, kid?”
I looked good in my dark grey suit, with my matching grey tie and my azure shirt. Mom always said blue shirts made the color of my eyes pop. I thought of her when I picked it.
Sighing, I turned back to Jacob. How could he call me a kid and then go and be with Jaz? If he was calling me a kid, shouldn’t he be calling her a kid? Oh, right, of course not, because then things would get weird.
“Yeah,” I said, though I knew neither of us believed it.
Jacob nodded once, rubbing a hand along his jawline as he muttered, “I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but if there’s ever anything I can do—”
I forced a smile. “Thanks.” The smile faded instantly as I pushed past him, walking out of the room and wanting to end that conversation quicker than it began. I was officially ready; we could leave as soon as the others—
My feet halted when I came out of my room, causing Jacob to nearly ram into my back. Together, we stood, dumbstruck at what we saw.
Ms. Smith stood, talking to Jaz. While her mother looked nice, it was Jaz that caught my attention. She wore sleek black leggings, the fabric tight along her legs and ass, along with a black shirt that dipped just low enough to give me ideas, revealing her collarbone and the silver pendant hanging across it.
Jaz’s thick, black hair was curled, its lengths tumbling over her shoulders. She’d done her makeup, and honestly, standing there, staring at her, watching her talk to her mother in such a serious fashion, she looked older than eighteen. I could see how Jacob could pretend she wasn’t still in high school, how she wasn’t a kid to him like I was.
Shit. Now was not the time to ogle her, even if she was beautiful.
I swallowed, turning to meet Jacob’s eyes. Well, at least I wasn’t the only one staring.
Ms. Smith turned toward me, giving me a tight smile. “You look handsome,” she spoke as Jaz’s dark eyes traveled to me. “If you’re ready, we’re meeting downstairs.” She spun on her heels and headed to the stairwell. Jaz followed her, but she took her time, waiting for Jacob and me to approach her.
“She’s right, you know,” Jaz whispered, studying the both of us. “You do look handsome.” She ran her hand down my arm, and then she hurried to catch up to her mother.
We met Oliver downstairs, and the five of us hopped in one of his SUVs. I offered to drive myself, but Ms. Smith refused to let any of us separate, so I sat by the window, Jaz to my right, and Jacob on hers. Ms. Smith took the front seat with Oliver.
I wanted to be sick. A knot rested in my gut, a weight that had formed the minute I’d come home and seen all that blood. My palms were clammy, my skin itchy. I hadn’t been in a church in so long, and to go to one to see my mom off… it just wasn’t right.
Like I’d said, none of this was right.
Jaz set her hand on my knee, squeezing gently. I turned my gaze away from the window, meeting her stare. Maybe with her by my side, I could get through this. Everything that made up life as I knew it was over now; it was time to start anew after today.
The church was a clean white steeple, set behind a well-manicured lawn and a freshly-surfaced parking lot. We were early, but I knew many people wouldn’t come. More would’ve shown up if my father wasn’t behind bars, but seeing as how he was—and what he was locked up for—many of his friends wanted to distance themselves from him.
Even though it would kill me to have a mostly-empty church for my mom’s funeral, I could understand why his friends would want to steer clear.
Oliver parked, and we filed out of the car. We headed inside, finding that my mom’s casket had already been set up in the front near the altar. The minister was an older gentleman, and he wanted to talk to me, but I excused myself, telling him I didn’t feel well. Instead of chitchatting with Ms. Smith, Oliver, and the minister, I sat down in one of the back pews. I’d have to get up and move toward the front once we got closer to starting, but for now, this was fine.
Jaz sat beside me, while Jacob stood off to the side, his hands in his pockets. He looked on toward the front, but I knew his eyes were on Jaz.
“How are you holding up?” Jaz asked.
