Page 60 of The Actor and His Secret

Oli sits back, still on my hips, although I fear the sexual tension has ebbed away. He presses the phone screen to his chests, takes a deep inhale and sighs. ‘I just… it’s silly but… as amazing as this trip has been, I don’t ever want to think about it again.’

I swallow a lump in my throat, wishing to do anything in my power to go back to pretending. ‘I’m sorry if I ruined the moment’

‘No, it isn’t you. It’s…’

‘Us,’ I answer.

Oli looks at me, truly looks at me, and I see the ocean reflected in those brilliantly blue eyes. ‘Life doesn’t seem as exciting without you in it, Adonis.’

His words sink into my flesh, carving themselves onto my bones. I know what I need to say back to him, but I can’t seem to gather the confidence to say it. Oli takes my silence as a way of me not feeling the same. He gets off me, takes his seat back on the bench and gathers his knees back up beneath his chin.

‘Honey,’ I say, numb to my core. ‘I love - ’ I almost say it, but I don’t. ‘I’ve loved the time we’ve spent together. Every moment. Not just here, but back in London. Those are memories I’ll never forget.’

‘You will,’ he says, sniffling. ‘And you should. You’re Nikos Ridge, superstar, heartthrob. You’ll go home, meet a lovely woman, make headlines, and have a beautiful family. And I’ll be forced to go back to work and stare at your face whilst working on the campaigns you’re plastered all over. You can run away from me, but I will never run away from you, not even if I want to.’

It’s my turn to kneel before Oli. I clamber up in front of him, desperately laying my hands on his knees. ‘I’ll come back to you. No matter what happens in life, no matter where it goes, I will always visit you.’

‘As your little secret?’

I nod. ‘You’ll always be my little secret.’

Oli draws back. ‘Dirty secret.’

My eyes widen and I know I’ve worked myself into this trap. ‘No, not like that. I didn’t mean it like that.’

Oli fakes a smile as if this had been some joke and he didn’t care, but there was no hiding the true pain in his eyes. ‘I’m playing with you, Adonis. We both have our own lives. This has just been a little bit of fun to tide us over. Real life was always going to come knocking, we both knew that when we got into this. We’ve always had an expiry date.’

‘Oli,’ I say his name as though I’m begging.

‘I think I’d like to go back to the house now, please.’ Oli stares out at the ocean, blinking rapidly. ‘I’ve got to pack before tomorrow’s flight. And anymore sun exposure and I’ll get sunstroke.’

‘We haven’t finished this conversation’

‘Yes,’ Oli says too firmly, ‘I have. Now please, Nikos, take me home.’

Take me home.

I want to tell him that his request is impossible when I’m his home. Or he is mine? The concept of turning my back on him is impossible, but I know the risks - I know what I have to do.

‘If I could promise you one thing, Oli, what would you ask of me?’

He takes in my question. I find myself holding my breath, unsure how he will answer. When the words finally come out of his mouth, I feel my world shatter.

‘Never come back for me,’ Oli says, his harsh words contradicted by the soft hand he runs over my face. I sense his regret, his pain, and yet he still wants to offer me comfort. Like the kiss of a mouth, while a knife is stabbed through my chest. ‘It will be too painful to see each other again. For the both of us. I want you to move on. Be happy.’

‘Is that what you want?’

Oli looks away when he replies. ‘It’s best for us both.’

‘What’s changed?’ I ask.

‘Nothing changed, Nikos. We both knew this was coming. And as much as I have loved every moment too, it is best we save the precious memories and move on from them… before…’

‘Before they become impossible to ignore?’

Oli blinks and a single tear runs down his face. ‘Yes. Exactly.’

‘Okay, Honey.’ I push myself to standing, feeling sick to my core but not from the swaying boat.

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