Page 58 of The Queen's Denial

He stands before me and stares at my calves the entire time he delivers his short, rehearsed speech. “Chichi-sama, we would make a great pairing; would you do me the honor of being my wife?” He delivers this as robotically as one really can and then lets out a long sigh of relief, seemingly shocked that he was able to do it at all.

Asuka is trying to woo me with a sweet Japanese tradition that men use to propose. They make a box with little thoughtful ideas from your time as a couple inside. I can’t believe he chose this way to propose, since we have known each other for such a short time and he really doesn’t know me at all.

“I… I know you like Pokemon, like I do. You told me last time.” He continues fiddling with the box, his cheeks going red, tapping on the side and the top, seemingly trying to get it open. I plaster my uneasy smile on my face. It’s torture sitting here waiting for the inevitable while Asuka tries to figure out how to open this stupid box. Didn’t anyone show him how to do this? Why is it taking so fucking long?

Finally, he taps too hard and the box pops open, spitting glitter directly into his face. He splutters and shakes himself off, clearly embarrassed beyond words, and I have the inhumanly difficult task of holding back the peal of laughter that threatens to escape me.

He picks up his napkin and wipes his face, dropping the box on the floor. As I look down, I see how carefully crafted it is, exploding with tiny replicas of pokemon cards. It’s clear he really put some thought into this, but all I feel is dread.

He picks the box up off the floor and again stares at my feet, his face still shining with the sparkles he couldn’t wipe off with his napkin. “Would you… would you be my wife? Chichi-san?”

I’m supposed to say yes right away. I’m not supposed to look around the room, desperately seeking my father to tell me it’s okay not to go through with this. I believe the only thing that saves me from getting in a lot of trouble is the fact that I somehow continue to smile, even though it trembles a bit.

He’s not here. I’m on my own to either deny my birthright or accept it. What choice do I have? None. Just as every difficult choice has been made out of fear of my father’s wrath or disappointment, so will this one be.

“Yes. I’ll be your wife.”

“Really?” Asuka looks up at me with wide, surprised eyes, as if I could have said no. As if I truly wanted to say yes. Maybe he’s not so terrible. At least he’s idealistic. Like a little puppy dog who doesn’t understand — who simply sees any positive words or affection as a sign of love. He probably won’t mind if I don’t agree with him on government policy or if I’m blackmailing one of his politician friends. He’ll probably believe anything I tell him.

I’m sure we must have something in common. I like Pokémon and Star Wars. I’ll never love him, but maybe we could be friends.

“Yes, Asuka. It would be my honor.” The lie comes easily now, as I think of the future I must live out. Andy was wrong; I’m not just dust. Dust doesn’t have to make hard choices, but I do. And I will.

Chapter 30

Andy

“Get your ass back to her house.” Cas’s voice is calm, but I know he’s extremely pissed off right now. I’ve been waiting for this call since Akio kicked me off his grounds yesterday and am surprised I didn’t get it sooner. I’ve been dodging Cas’s texts since this morning, but I can’t ignore a phone call.

“Akio fucking kicked me out, Cas. I can’t just waltz up to a billionaire’s mansion and ask to come back in.”

“Well, I’m the fucking boss, Andy, and I say you can. And you have to. Because those are my orders.” I roll my eyes, and it’s as if he can hear it over the phone, because I get a harsh earful of his frustrated, forceful breath out. He’s such a grumpy asshole sometimes.

“Cas, listen, Akio and Chi have both made it clear that it would be easier if I’m not there. So, I’m not going to go there. You have plenty of guys that can handle things, and I’m still nearby if something happens.”

What I don’t say is that I’m not about to stand watch over a girl who I’m crazy about but can’t be with. I’m not going to say that I want nothing to do with some weird fucking love triangle between the assholes she’s meeting with and me as her lover in the shadows. I’m not built for second place. Even Cas has never treated me like that.

“You are still my point of contact with Oxy on this, Andy. Also, you’ll sit sentry at the first guard post outside her house each Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. You take the night shift and report in to me at noon the next day, unless there’s an emergency, of course. Clear?”

I want to argue — this is just Cas trying to make sure I stalk the object of my affection the way he stalked Mara. So that I can protect her the way I desperately want to. “Cas, if Akio finds out…”

“If he wants me working for him, then it won’t matter if he finds out. You’re on the night shift, so you’ll be able to stay out of his way. I’m the head of this fucking operation, and if Akio wants my men there, he’ll do what I’m telling him to do.”

I’m certain Cas wouldn’t have this kind of bluster if he were actually speaking in front of Akio right now, but I sigh and nod. I consider the fact that Cas is actually paying me to stalk Chi. To stalk the girl who would probably be mine if we lived in a different world. Who still feels like she’s mine in every way regardless.I told Cas once to move on when he was doing this exact same thing with his girl. I guess it was a good thing he didn’t take my advice, since it all worked out in the end anyway. He didn’t push his presence on her. He watched her from afar. Just wanted to be around her.

“Was that a yes?” Cas asks as I realize that he can’t see my nod through the phone. I push my thoughts away.

“It was a yes,” I breathe out harshly.

“Good,” he says. “Oh, and Andy,” he adds, right before I hang up the phone.

“Yeah?” I ask, preoccupied.

“If you want to take on a few more nights, you just let me know.” I hear the smirk in his voice before he hangs up the phone.

*****

As a sentry outside of Chi’s mansion, it’s amazing the shit I can hear. Cas has each of these vans equipped with some high-powered microphone that has a volume and everything and can pick up sounds from very far away. I don’t listen in on all of Chi’s conversations, but I do occasionally listen in on her meetings with the people who come to visit her, especially after her engagement.

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