Page 6 of Keeping Caroline

Chapter 4

The Phoenix

I was admittedly surprised when my brother invited the hacker, Tristan, not only to the bookstore, but to the home he shared with his pregnant wife. It told me one thing: Ethan trusted him, which was a rare gift he gave to anyone. Although I still wasn’t privy to what he and my brother had gone through together, and how it involved Scarlett, I appreciated how much my brother had grown to trust anyone, because letting people in was never something he was willing to do… until Scarlett.

Leaving Scarlett and Ethan’s house after the cookout, where Ethan and Tristan spent most of the evening surveying the property and planning for his new security system, I drove slowly down the mountain with Evie asleep in the backseat and Tristan in the passenger seat. He was so tall. I wasn’t even sure how he fit in my sedan.

Although my brother had offered to drive his friend back to his hotel, I wouldn’t hear of it. The hotel Tristan was staying in was only a few miles away from my cottage, so I had no problem bringing him back. The problem was I didn’t know what to say to him on the twenty minute drive, so I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, awkward as hell.

“So,” he started, the pause that followed telling me he was just as unsure of what to say as I was. When I glanced toward him from the corner of my eye, he was looking out the window at the dense forest, the lights of the dashboard reflecting off his dark framed glasses. “Did you move here when Ethan and Scarlett moved or did you live here before or…”

Lowering the volume on the radio, I nodded, knowing the movement hadn’t been enough for him to even notice it. “I…um…yes. We moved here to be near my brother.”

He smiled as he turned his hazel eyes in my direction, and I couldn’t deny how handsome he was—young, but handsome. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-five, which was definitely too young for me to even pay attention, but I couldn’t seem to help it. “The two of you must be close.”

Although I wasn’t sure if it was a question, I nodded again. “Our entire lives,” I said, knowing there was no way to quantify how close my brother and I really were. He was everything to Evie and me. “After our parents died, and then after—” Pain seized my chest and the words got stuck in my throat. I blinked back the burn in my eyes, clearing my throat. “After Daniel passed, Ethan, Evie, and I became inseparable—not that we weren’t close before. I’m not sure what we would have done without him.”

A sad smile lifted the corner of my mouth as I turned to meet his stare, not expecting the grief struggling to tear through my chest to be mirrored in his expression. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I lost parents when I was young also, but Daniel…your husband? I can’t imagine what that feels like.”

His confession surprised me, and it suddenly became clearer why my brother had befriended this man. Although I still knew little about him, his nature was written all over his face. He may have been young, but he knew pain, and he knew grief. Ethan would never be able to find a true friend in someone who didn’t, because it was pain and grief that had shaped so much of who he was, whether or not he was willing to admit it.

My shoulder lifted in a half-hearted shrug because I didn’t know what else to do. There were moments when I allowed my grief to run free, but not now. “Thank you, and yes, he was my husband.” Was. Is. I still hadn’t figured out what it meant to be a widow. The platinum band on my left ring finger said to the world that I was very much still married, whether my husband was still with me or not.

Turning off the mountain road and onto the main highway, I changed the subject. “So…a hacker, huh? I admittedly do not know what exactly a hacker does.”

He chuckled, the deep rumble of his voice sending a shiver down my spine that I wasn’t brave enough to analyze. It had been an exceedingly long time since I’d been with a man, but it wasn’t something I had any interest in. Still, it was normal for my body to respond to a handsome man who had a nice smile and even nicer voice—I hoped. “I’m not even sure sometimes. Basically, I’m just really good at lots of computer stuff, which means I make a living doing whatever my clients need me to do that involves technology.”

We both knew there was plenty more he could divulge, but I didn’t press further. Well, not completely. “I’m guessing it’s not always legal, then.” When his eyes grew wide and he went silent, I added to my question. “It’s okay. I’m sure you know more about what my brother does than I do.”

When the tension in his jaw released, I hoped that meant he was at least a little more at ease.

“I’m not so sure.” He huffed a laugh as he turned to gaze back out the window, although there was nothing he could see in the darkness. “Your brother is a pretty private guy.”

That was an understatement. I nodded. “That’s the truth, but when you pull back the dark layers, he truly is an amazing person. I’ve never met anyone more loyal, generous, or protective over those he loves. He’s surrounded by shadows, but there’s light beneath them, and it’s pure.”

Once I dropped Tristan off at his hotel, I headed back home, carrying Evelyn’s sleeping form inside. I truly did not know how a person could sleep so soundly through everything. It took an act of Congress and for the world to spin in reverse for me to fall asleep without some manner of medication, and even those weren’t all that effective.

Standing in the doorway, I watched her for a few minutes, in complete awe of how beautiful she was, how perfect. Her blue eyes, that were closed with her long lashes fanned against her cheeks, were all mine, but so much of her was Daniel—the chestnut hair that had only just begun to grow back, and the scowl that twisted her lips every morning when she refused to take her medicine. It was at that moment, as I gazed down at the center of my universe, watching her chest rise and dip with each breath, that the armor surrounding my heart cracked and peeled open like a dam that had begun to lose its foundation, allowing the storm of emotion it had been struggling to hold back to pour through. Then, in the dark room where no one could see me crumble, I let the tears flow. For that one moment, as I caressed the cheek of the only thing that gave me no choice but to keep fighting, I allowed all the hopeless thoughts to flood my mind, wondering if after three years, I could survive one more day without him.

Sunlight shined in through the gauzy curtains of my bedroom the next morning far earlier than I wanted it to, but I didn’t think it took requests. My eyelids felt like sandpaper as I blinked against the sun’s intrusion. I tried to close them and roll back over, but my alarm started screaming before I even had the chance to change positions.

Tossing my blankets off, I groaned and reached for my phone, turning the alarm off. I was tired, but I was a mom, and Evie’s shuffling footsteps told me she was already awake. A second later, big blue eyes met mine. “I’m hungry.”

For the next hour, Evie and I went through our morning routine: breakfast, medicine, and getting ready for the day. To Evie’s dismay, however, Ethan didn’t make it for breakfast since new inventory had gotten delivered to the bookstore and Scarlett needed his help. She needed my help too, so I headed there right after dropping Evie off at school.

My mood instantly improved when I parked outside the small-town bookstore. After years, having a job was finally a way for me to take back a small part of my independence. It wasn’t much, but I relished the chance to earn my own money and use my time to be a part of something for the future of our family. I wasn’t a partner in the business, not really, but I took pride in it all the same.

Scarlett smiled at me as I walked inside, the line of customers at the cafe counter already several bodies deep. Knowing she needed me more than Ethan did, who was helping a customer by the stacks, I pulled my apron on and joined her behind the counter. “Good morning.”

Handing the older gentleman in front of her his coffee, Scarlett turned her deep brown eyes to me and smiled again. She truly was a stunning woman. Pregnancy looked good on her. “Good morning to you. It’s been like this since we opened the door this morning.”

I dipped my chin at our other employee, a college student named Jules, and took over making a latte so Scarlett could focus on the register. “I see that. They must know its inventory day.”

So busy making coffee and keeping up with the cafe side of the store, I hadn’t noticed the tall, handsome man who’d entered the store when I wasn’t looking.

Dressed in jeans, a gray flannel with the sleeves rolled up, and a band T-shirt underneath, Tristan looked totally out of place—just like my brother. His hazel eyes met mine across the room and I had five seconds to decide if I was going to smile or look busy, so I opted for the awkward combination of both. If I ever did decide to date again, I would need a training course or something, because I was way out of practice.

Seeming to take my half smile and pretend busyness as an invitation, he made a beeline for the counter, a genuine smile spreading across his face. “Good morning, Scarlett… Caroline.”

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