Page 106 of Not Another Love Song

She attended rehearsals like normal and didn’t think about how she used to walk in hand-in-hand with Alex. It wasn’t until the week before the Christmas concert that Nathan finally announced that Xander Thorne’s absence was because he would not be at the concert. They had hesitated—probably in the hope that he would magically walk through the door one day. His sub played all the rehearsals, but when Gwen asked Ava why they hadn’t announced anything, she said, “He hasn’t turned in his letter of resignation. Just an email from Lorenz that he would be out through the end of the season due to the tour.”

Gwen shook her head, pressing her lips together. That was possibly the most disrespectful way to handle this situation. The most Lorenz way to handle this situation. Nathan informed her that Lorenz still hadn’t officially declined a Valentine’s Day concert.

He smiled at her with crossed fingers. “It may still be on the table!”

She nodded, conjuring as much of a grin as she could.

He pulled her aside at the end of a rehearsal. “I’ve been thinking about the ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ arrangement,” he said.

“Yeah. We can cut it,” Gwen said tiredly.

“Well, actually, I’ve been thinking about inviting a guest soloist in for a few pieces. ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside,’ the ‘Silent Night’ arrangement…things like that. We need to pick some ticket sales back up once people realize Xander Thorne isn’t with us at Christmas. Thoughts?”

Gwen felt like someone had punched through her chest. Those were her solos. Those were the first chair’s moments that he was giving away.

But she’d known this could happen, hadn’t she? Ever since she’d watched Hilary Hahn at the New York Philharmonic, and Mabel had told her that the first chair has to step aside and welcome the guest.

Gwen kept her face impassive. “Oh, of course. I should say that I was looking forward to those moments, but I understand the need for more sales.”

Nathan squeezed her shoulder. “You will still shine in other places, I’m sure of it. What about Xander’s solo before the end of act one? Think about a piece to do there.” He smiled his brilliant smile and left her to think about what she could possibly do to fill Xander Thorne’s shoes.

Mei dragged her to a bar after rehearsal one day, forcing a drink into her hands and begging for information.

“You look like someone poisoned your cat, and then ran it over with a car.”

“I don’t have a cat,” Gwen said glumly, stabbing at her ice with the straw.

“You should get one. This aesthetic you’ve got going on is really starting to say Cat Lady.”

Gwen frowned at her and tugged at her lumpy sweater.

“So what happened? He went on tour and broke up with you?” Mei asked, flagging the bartender for another drink.

“No, I broke up with him. I think. We fought about leaving the Pops for the U2 tour.”

“Um, why wouldn’t he?” Mei pulled a face. “That’s literally the dream.”

Gwen stared at her. “Your dream is to go on tour with U2?”

“Who would pass that up! Gwen.” Mei grabbed her arm. “Gwen, tell me you didn’t break up with him because he left the Pops.”

“No, not just that…” She stared into her glass. But maybe that was what had happened. “I don’t like long goodbyes. We weren’t seeing eye-to-eye, he was going on tour for almost a year, so I made it quick for us.”

“Girl, I did long-distance from Kansas to Hong Kong. Why are you blaming the tour?”

Gwen sat with her thoughts, trying to parse where her head had been at. Mei changed the subject, and Gwen was glad to hear about how frustratingly vanilla Jeremy was in bed.

On December 22nd, the day the U2 tour kicked off in Los Angeles, Gwen was at rehearsal for the Pops, going through the motions. They had decided to have one of the guest soloists sing the male part of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” while the guest violinist played the female part on violin. They’d rehearsed it yesterday, and everyone thought it was hilarious. Gwen smiled like she should. She laughed like she should. The guest violinist was a lovely woman who had toured with several orchestras. Gwen should have spent more time asking her questions and getting to know her, but she couldn’t be anything but cordial. She didn’t have the energy.

Nathan pulled her aside at their last break and said, “Any thoughts on what you’d like to play in lieu of Alex’s solo? Maybe something original you’ve worked on?”

Gwen blinked at him. “I don’t write music, Nathan.”

“But I thought you helped Alex with his arrangements.”

“I did, in a way.” She felt irritation bubbling in her.

“Isn’t there anything you wrote? Something you own that could be played?”

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