Page 52 of Full Service

I can’t help but smile at that. My god, this family. No wonder LoveJoy wanders around in ribbons. He can’t help himself with how he was raised.

“I also have a cousin named Basil, if that helps. And another named Aspen.”

“Hm, sounds like your family is quite…fun.”

“They are. No one like them.”

“And this ribbon dance? Is this something your mother taught you?” I ask.

“No, it’s something I created while high in the woods. I really did enjoy it and thought I’d spread the love and joy I felt that night to others. To live up to my name.”

I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. But then again, I could imagine him out in the woods, flapping those ribbons around and speaking to the birds.

“So, what were you high on?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Oh, Ayahuasca. It’s a South American brew that causes hallucinations. Or so I was told.”

I stare at him as the waiter brings over his porn drink and my water with a cucumber in it. No lemon to be seen.

And I didn’t even have a chance to look at the menu. LoveJoy is making my head spin and not in a good way.

“Do you do drugs?” LoveJoy asks, and I nearly choke on my water.

“No, I do not.”

The waiter pipes up at that moment, “Drugs? Hell yes. I do. I’m on ’shrooms at the moment, but don’t tell my boss.”

I glower at him as LoveJoy flutters a ribbon around the man’s face. “Be blessed!”

Oh, for fuck’s sake, I think as I stare down at my menu. I should order quickly before the waiter passes out behind the counter and forgets all about us.

“Let me know when you’re ready to order, I’m going to go talk to the wall,” the waiter says. “It tells me funny jokes.”

“Jesus,” I murmur as LoveJoy just nods. Apparently he understands wall speak. I let out a shuddering breath, searching like hell for anything that looks appetizing and settle on a salad.

Such fun.

LoveJoy, of course, orders about ten dishes, and I wonder who’s paying for this. Probably me. I doubt he gets paid all that much to flutter ribbons around and grind on walkers. But who knows? Maybe he’s a millionaire. Maybe his ribbon skills are much desired.

A small snort escapes me. Of course they would be. Who wouldn’t want LoveJoy fluttering around you like a pigeon.

“I apologize for my gluttonous behavior,” LoveJoy says when the waiter ambles away. “But I am ravenous.”

“No problem,” I say, wondering where he’s going to put all that food. He’s not big by any means.

“And the portions here are so small. So don’t be surprised if you’re hungry after your salad.”

And he’s right, when my salad is finally placed in front of me, it’s about the size of my thumb.

I stare at it and blink. Am I hallucinating? Maybe someone put drugs in my cucumber water.

“I would share my food with you, but I get a little feral when it comes to being hungry,” LoveJoy explains, his ten plates set nicely around him. He has enough food for an average-sized meal.

He obviously should have warned me that they feed you like rabbits here.

I watch as he eats and then look down at my salad once more. This is my life now, I think as I shove the entire single leaf into my mouth all at once.

As I chew, I sigh. This blows a big one. I know I’ll be hungry right after this, but I refuse to order more because it’s so damn expensive. This leaf was at least twenty dollars. And I don’t even think I taste dressing on it.

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