Page 80 of Live, Ranch, Love

“Do you think it will need stitches?” Jake asks, tentatively pressing the ice pack to the cut along his cheek that’s luckily looking far less bloody now we’ve cleaned it up. Though, I can still see the surrounding skin gaining more of a purplish tinge by the minute.

“No, I think he got you good, but not that good.” I sit across from him at the dining table, arms crossed, just staring.

I can’t believe he’s here.

Jake lets out a breathy laugh. “I didn’t realise you were employing bodyguards now.”

I’m not sure if his subsequent wince is from his wound or because my face remains as cold as it has been since he arrived.

“Why are you really here, Jake?” I sigh. Why did you have to turn up and disrupt this perfect little world I’ve created?

“Right, not the time to joke.” He worries his lip then sets the ice pack on the table. “I thought it would be good for us to get some closure. You just disappeared, I… I never had a chance to explain.”

“Because you left me there alone… Besides, I don’t need closure.” I’ve already had it, from burning everything that reminded me of him. “It doesn’t matter why you did what you did, what matters is that you did it. It wouldn’t make a difference.”

“I just thought it would be good to at least apologise. You blocked me on everything, how else was I supposed to speak to you?”

I’d kind of hoped that blocking him made it clear I didn’t want him contacting me, but I also thought our conversation about exclusivity meant he wouldn’t cheat on me, so I guess I can’t assume he understands me at all. “I’m sure you could’ve found a way that didn’t involve lying to me, again.”

“I know, I know.” Jake holds up his hands in surrender. “Look, I am sorry for all the deception, coming here had never been my plan. But when Rowan told me about what you were doing, he thought it might be a good opportunity to come out and talk, and maybe learn to be a better person whilst I’m here.”

My eyes narrow. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve… been feeling lost for months, Rory, even when we were together. I haven’t been the best version of myself for a long time. I think that’s why I did what I did—because I felt like I wasn’t really good enough, and I needed more than just you to make me feel that way—I know!” He quickly pushes on when I try to protest at his futile excuse. Rage flickers inside of me. “I know that’s not a decent reason… But maybe doing this retreat will make me realise what I need to do to be a better person. To feel like myself again. Isn’t that the whole point of what you’re doing here?”

Genuine belief lights up his eyes, as if he really thought this was a rational idea. I lean my elbows against the table, fingers massaging my temples to try and comprehend it all. One of the deep grooves in the old wooden surface bites into my skin.

“I could really help too,” he adds in quickly, but I don’t bother to look up. “You know how many followers I have, probably more than whoever else you’ve got coming. Imagine how many people the retreat could reach through me. I’ll do so many posts. To make up for it all.”

As much as the quiet arrogance lacing Jake’s words makes me want to roll my eyes, he’s not wrong. Even before I blocked him a few months ago, he already had more followers on Instagram alone than the combined followers of the other guests coming.

Everything is supposed to happen for a reason—I try to believe that because it makes things like this more digestible, gives meaning behind the tough and weird times, and a little hope that something good might come out of them.

Though I would’ve rather not gone through the confidence-crushing hell of Jake’s infidelity, I’m not sure I would’ve ended up here, spending my days in the stable arms of a handsome rancher if I hadn’t. Like the universe needed to give me one last big, albeit traumatic, push towards the right path. The one that would lead me to the right person.

To… Wyatt.

God, I shouldn’t have been so mean to him. I have a lot of making up to do.

Maybe I have to just trust that the universe has sent Jake here for a reason. Maybe even just to make use of his huge social media following so Sunset Ranch can survive. For Wyatt.

I knew I’d bump into Jake eventually one day, but I had hoped I might have had at least six months to get over everything first. Though, I am surprised at how confident I’ve been so far, able to stand up to him and not run away like last time. That’s progress worth recognising.

Maybe, just maybe, that’s the point. Here I’ve been, so intent on healing and gaining my confidence back, learning to believe that I am enough again, that perhaps the universe wanted to send me a test to prove it. Make me face Jake, show the world that I am that strong, confident, independent woman I’m always affirming to myself about. And use this retreat as an opportunity to ensure Jake never makes a girl feel unworthy again, whilst also taking advantage of his influencer status for the retreat.

I can’t preach in the workshops I’ve planned for the retreat about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and not step up to the challenge myself. If these last two months haven’t been proof that pushing through the uncertainty is what makes you grow, then I don’t know what is.

thirty-four

Aurora

Asoothing wave of ease washes through my legs as I run through some warm-up stretches, awaiting the group to get themselves set up and ready for our morning yoga. Amber sparkles softly along the lake’s surface beside us, a few rays of sunlight reaching my skin, heating it up along with the landscape around us. I decided to let the faint songs of awakening birds be the soundtrack to our session today, the sense of calm it fills me with so blissful.

While sunsets were always Auntie Grace’s favourite time of the day, mornings have always been mine. They’re a reminder that it’s a fresh start. Whatever happened yesterday can be left in the past, replaced by the crisp new day beckoning you to do your best.

And as a familiar broad-shouldered, dark-eyed man strides over from where he’s tied up his horse, I really hope that I’m right. That we can leave whatever disagreement we had yesterday behind, that he’ll stay at mine tonight, as opposed to flopping into his own bed, exhausted after spending most of the evening riding Dusty to calm himself down. That he won’t leave for work before I wake up tomorrow morning.

When I told Wyatt of my plans to let Jake stay, he was expectedly pretty pissed off, which didn’t bode well for my subsequent attempt to apologise for shouting at him. And this time, he didn’t stay and talk it through with me like he usually would any time I’ve been upset. No, because this time he was upset too, and his way of dealing with that is riding. Getting out in nature.

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