Page 10 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

I nod.

He looks at me in silence.

“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, Bren.”

“It’s okay. Is there anything else?”

Still, I hesitate before asking, “So, these resources…how exactly do they work and why do they even work?”

He breaks eye contact and runs his fingers through his chin-length hair before looking back at me. “You distract the psyche from the trigger. You do this by exposing yourself to a strong stimulus, for example, a physical stimulus. You trick the soul, if you will.”

“So, you always have an emergency chili in your pocket like other people have travel gum?” I tilt my head.

Bren laughs his trademark short laugh. “You could say that, yes.” But then he immediately grows serious again. “Did you have a bad dream last night?”

“No.”

“You were restless.” He studies me intently, but maybe he merely wants to change the subject.

“It took me a long time to fall asleep, but I didn’t dream anything.” I glance around the RV. The sun floods in through the side door, bathing the kitchenette in a golden glow. “Everything looks completely different in daylight. Not at all threatening.”

Bren makes a satisfied face and I take the cup of coffee he hands me. “Black with two lumps of sugar.”

We look at each other. It is unimaginable but the past lurks behind every sentence. “You’re still drinking it that way, aren’t you?” He seems almost unsure.

I nod quickly, mumbling a “thank you.” Demons of the past. They are great and detailed, everywhere really, as if alive.

Bren ignores it. “I want to take off right away so we can get some miles under our belt today.” He glances outside. “I’ve already been to the woods with Grey, so if you don’t mind, we’ll get going in a few minutes.”

I drink the coffee and nibble on the blueberry muffin he gave me, but for some reason, my stomach is upset. Probably because I’m worried about my brothers.

“It’s not starting again, is it?” Bren raises an eyebrow at the barely eaten muffin.

“I’m really not hungry.” As if on cue, my cell phone beeps.

Bren reaches for it, and for a moment, I think he’s going to read the message and then maybe catch the code word, but he hands the phone to me without looking at it. “Perhaps a message from one of your brothers. Must be important.”

I hastily take the phone from him and ignore his puzzled look. I sure do look guilty, but the code word wasn’t my idea.

Maybe I should turn off the WhatsApp notifications.

Is Jay already texting something about Ethan? Although, if Ethan knew, he’d call.

I click the message.

Came home late yesterday, secretly confiscated the letters to give to them today! I said you went to Elizabeth’s after the trip. Ethan was upset but didn’t want to call there so late! Say hello briefly!

Good morning, Jay. Smiley. I’m doing well! Thank you for everything! I text back quickly to put his mind at ease.

I breathe a sigh of relief. My reprieve has been extended. The more time that goes by, the more I dread Ethan’s reaction, perhaps because I’m becoming more aware of what I’m actually doing and what it means.

We drive down the last part of the pass with numerous hairpin turns where the mountain falls into the valley like a gray waterfall. Visalia and Tulare are below us and I find myself thinking about Bren driving here twelve months ago—with me hidden away. What was he thinking? How did he feel? Was he aware of the madness of his actions?

I glance at him every now and then as if I could read his feelings from his expressions but he’s focused on the road.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” he asks after leaving Fresno. Of course, he noticed something, it’s obvious. I can’t hide my emotions from him. No, I could actually never hide my feelings.

“I don’t know.” I stare out the window.

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