Page 13 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

“What if I do something wrong…” I mumble, embarrassed, pressing my face into his shirt.

Bren chuckles. His typical HA laugh. “That’s nonsense! How could you do anything wrong…you simply have to be with me and you’ll be doing everything right.”

“Bren,” I giggle, pinching his stomach through the shirt, feeling only taut muscles. “I am serious.”

“Me too!” His breath brushes over me rough and dark. “Simply looking at you makes me happy, touching you brings peace to my mind.”

His words are like caresses all over the body. I long for him so much—and yet…

“You didn’t answer my question.” I am buying time again. “How many girls have you been with?”

“None besides you. I’ve only had women.”

I bite my bottom lip and he pulls my chin up so I have to look at him.

“Lou, they didn’t mean anything to me. They were groupies who wanted to sleep with the winner of a fight. And you already know that I always won.”

He fought for several years. So there were many. Numerous. Countless. Five hundred? Suddenly, the shower cubicle seems too narrow to me.

“The things I did to them…” His gaze captures me as if he knows I’m trying to avoid him. “It was different than with you. Somehow, I didn’t stop fighting even during it. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

I nod and he lets go of my chin and tugs at my shoulder-length hair, a teasing, soothing gesture.

“They helped me fill a void. I didn’t love them, you know that. And what I did to them, it was…dirty.”

“You used them?”

“Lou, aren’t we over that? About the question of whether I’m a good person or not.”

“I’m sorry.”

We look at each other and his gaze captivates me as it has so often. If I peer too deeply, I’ll be hopelessly lost, as if his being draws me inside him and locks me in there with no chance of escape.

“Lou, I would never use you. And those other things…wouldn’t be acceptable. They would be…inappropriate.”

Inappropriate. Only he can express himself that way. A smile creeps up my face. “Maybe someday, I’ll want us to do inappropriate, dirty things,” I claim while looking at him openly even though I’m trembling.

“Stop that, Lou!”

“Stop what?”

“Looking so innocent and saying things like that!”

I blink.

“I would never do that to you,” he says softly but firmly. “Never! You’re far too valuable.” He touches my lips with his fingertips, tracing the contours with a smile. “So you better get that out of your head.” Then he turns and, with soaked pant legs, plods out of the shower.

“Was that breaking the rules of our deal, to set aside the past for the day?” I call after him, and a part of me is relieved he has moved away.

He does not answer.

I squeeze water out of my wet shirt again.

And you already know that I always won! For some reason, it suddenly bothers me that I’m so inexperienced. I hope my innocence isn’t too boring for him.

We continue through Shasta Trinity National Park, always along the valley between the damp ravines and mountains. Brendan lists all the plants he knows by name around here. In addition to the willows and big-leaf maples that I recognize myself, he shows me white alders, dogwoods, spice bushes, blue oaks, California coffee berries, and dozens more. I have to memorize them all and he is only satisfied when I can point them out along with their names while driving.

The air grows cooler and smells fresh. Again and again, we pass through tiny villages in the middle of the forest as well as pretty campsites, and at some point, when the sun hangs low over the horizon, the ocean appears on our left.

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