Page 18 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

I wrap my arms around myself feeling dazed. By now I have reached the end of the parking lot and scan the area. To my right is a windowless warehouse, in front of me the highway, and to the left a cluster of green deciduous trees. That’s the last place I want to go now. After a moment’s hesitation, I walk toward the warehouse’s parking lot. I want to get away from it all, away from Bren, his hurtful words and hard grip, away from the pine needles, the bad memories, and the missing kids.

I impatiently wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. There’s no need to cry. I knew what I was getting myself into and that it wasn’t going to be easy. Bren isn’t healthy, he told me that yesterday. What did I expect? Sunset romance with an ocean view? A candlelight dinner in a luxury suite?

Definitely not! Not with the Bren I know and love. And luxury isn’t important to me either, I don’t need any of that. But I also didn’t expect him to freak out as soon as someone spoke to me, for whatever reason. Or should I have expected exactly that? After all, we’ve only ever been alone before.

I sit down on a narrow shoulder with parched grass and draw my legs to my body. I think I hear Bren calling, but I can’t be sure because the rumble of engine noise from the highway fills the night. Maybe he’s too busy with the shopping carts and won’t look for me until later. In any case, he won’t spot me right away, sheltered by the bushes. Anyway, I don’t even want to hide from him at all, I simply want to regain my composure in peace.

I clench my hands and realize I’m still holding Henry Cunningham’s missing person notice. I sit cross-legged and smooth out the paper with the palms of my hands. If I had scotch tape, I could tape it back in place. Henry Cunningham doesn’t deserve to be ripped by some brainless, self-absorbed guy like that.

I hesitantly look at his face again. When Bren was Henry’s age, he must have already been in the hands of his psychopathic stepfather.

Is Henry also trapped by a sadistic psycho like Bren was? I have to think about what he told me. He was cooped up in that box for days, not just minutes or hours, which would be barbaric enough.

Who would do such a cruel thing to a child? Why? He beat him simply for misspelling words. Oklahoma, according to Jayden, where his stepfather originally came from. I set the paper beside me and reach for Bren’s silver coin which I wear on my necklace. Can such abuse ever be forgotten? How can you manage to trust another person ever again?

If you want me, you’ll also get the demons from my past, I hear him say.

I think of Ethan and Avery, who patiently taught me to read and write before I even started school. Dad hadn’t died that long ago, and for some reason, my eldest brothers felt compelled to teach me. Maybe Ethan was afraid of losing custody, so he gave it three hundred percent.

They made me spell my name with alphabet cookies on our porch and laughed every time I forgot the O. Avy always added it where it belonged. “You can’t even hear it!” I’d argue and put it in my mouth, quickly gobbling it up.

Liam, who was only eleven at the time, grabbed the A and ate it. “Your name will be Luis from now on!” he’d say jokingly. Jayden called me Luis for weeks until I cried and Ethan told him to stop it—threatening a ban on reading aloud.

“Lou!”

Startled, I turn and spot Brendan standing just a few feet behind the narrow strip of grass. His gaze is impenetrable. Knowing him, he’s probably been there for a long time, watching me.

“As soon as I don’t restrain you, you run away.” He sounds dejected. “I told you I’d make mistakes with you.” Step by step, he approaches like I’m a wild animal he’s shot. “Lou…don’t cry. That makes me feel horrible…”

He kneels next to me and picks up Henry’s missing person report. He looks at the boy briefly, but if he thinks he bears any resemblance to himself, he says nothing about it. Then he neatly folds the two halves together and puts them in his pocket. “You care about the notice, so we’re going to put it up again.”

“Maybe I ran away because you were gripping me so tightly,” I say without looking at him. “I might have stayed if you hadn’t restrained me. Maybe your behavior is making me feel horrible, too,” I add defiantly.

Bren sits next to me on the grass without touching me. “I’m afraid I can’t undo it. Neither my words nor the restraint. I can’t undo any of it.”

Shaking my head, I wipe the corners of my eyes. Pungent exhaust fumes waft our way, but I don’t care as long as I don’t smell the Yukon forests again. “It was only a stupid come-on. Nothing about it mattered. We’ve only been on the road for two days and you’re already jealous of some guy? How is this going to work? Will you want to lock me up in the future?”

Bren looks at me darkly, refusing to answer. “He called you sunshine, Lou.”

“So what?”

“I told you once, you’re like a…like a sun to me.” He looks away, embarrassed. “Apparently others see you the same way.” He seems frightened. Maybe he thinks everyone sees me as the panacea to happiness and that he has to take on every man on the planet.

“Bren, sunshine is not an uncommon nickname! It was pure coincidence! He could just as well have said darling, honey, or sweetheart.”

“Sounds creepy!”

“Your reaction was scary!”

“You were scared,” he says monotonously, getting up and kicking the curb, clearly angry at himself.

“I was at the bulletin board, checking the missing person notices. He approached me and asked for a pen. That was all it was! I didn’t even think he was particularly great. On the contrary.” I won’t even mention my own notice.

Bren shoves his hands into his pockets and stands motionless, eyeing me from above. Eventually, he sighs deeply, tilts his head back, and stares up into the sky. Once again, I realize how all alone he seems. Even here in the parking lot, he still looks like an outcast, a hermit. It hurts me to see the walls he builds around himself and how little of his true feelings he allows to come out. My stomach turns into a brick.

“I thought I’d changed. I truly believed it, Lou. But when I saw you with that guy there, I couldn’t think straight anymore.”

“But you didn’t have an episode,” I say softly.

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