Page 19 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

He laughs—a sad, short chortle. “I bit off a piece of the chili pepper just before!” He pulls a plastic bag from his pocket containing half a pepper.

“That was good. If you know what helps, use it. That is good.”

We remain silent for a while and I pluck at a few blades of grass, lost in thought.

Bren sits next to me. “I want to do it right this time, Lou. Everything. Tell me what I can do to make you forgive me.” The despondency in his voice hits me hard.

“Bren, there is nothing to forgive. You told me I couldn’t have you without your past. Did you believe I’d run away at the first sign of trouble?”

“You did!”

“No, I merely wanted to be alone for a moment…there’s a difference. Bren, you have to understand. I know next to nothing about you. Even your last name, I only know it from Hero of the Week. It is truly…depressing. And sometimes scary.”

For a while, it seems like he’s considering my words. “All right,” he says, “ask me anything.” The smile he dons seems like a disguise, as if a sad clown wanted to play jester. It almost breaks my heart to see him like this, and for a moment, I fear that despite our love, we don’t stand a chance. Maybe what we share can’t exist in the real world, maybe real life will gobble it up. But what is real? In the Yukon, it seemed to me nature was the only reality. The wide sky, the crackling of the campfire, the howling of the wolves, and Bren and I. The stronger rule over the weaker, just the way nature has always been. The world that existed outside of the wilderness seemed surreal to me at the time. My role as well as Bren’s was clearly defined. Here, in the jungle of people, bright lights, and supermarkets, it’s hard to find our place. Maybe other men also overreact when they’re jealous—I’m sure they do. But with Bren, I’m immediately brought back to the time when I was at his mercy. It may not be fair, but I can’t help it.

I put my hand on Bren’s arm and he takes a deep breath. “What are you thinking? Right now?”

“That you and your whole being ignite an unbearable tenderness in me. I want to protect you, hug you, caress you…love you, but at the same time, you awaken an almost brutal desire within me to keep you all to myself.”

“Oh! That is…”

“Simply the truth,” he says seriously. “No idea why. As soon as I see you again, I forget everything I have worked on in therapy. My psychologist said I shouldn’t see you again. You are a trigger.”

“She said that? So? Am I a trigger?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps you could ask me something simpler first.” Now his smile is genuine and his eyes sparkle with that soft glow I so desperately need. It makes it easier for me to forget and not dwell on his behavior.

“Okay. What is your favorite color?”

“What?”

“You said I could ask you anything.”

“Blonde.” He winks at me.

I elbow him in the ribs and he sighs. “Very well: black. Your favorite colors are yellow and pink.”

“The reason you know this isn’t something to boast about!” I glare at him accusingly and a smile that’s both guilty and sexy crosses his face. I don’t know how much we’re allowed to joke about it, if it’s okay at all, but in the end it’s up to me to decide.

I think for a moment: “Favorite food—no, wait, something Mexican for sure. Something so spicy, it burns your mouth! Chili con carne probably, at least you have twenty cans on the shopping list. Bren, no normal person eats that much chili!”

He gives me a piercing look—well, he’s not normal, either. “Enchiladas,” he surprises me now. “With a lot of salsa. Unfortunately, they don’t come in cans.”

“I’ve never tried enchiladas.”

“Then we have to rectify that. Tonight!”

I smile. “Gladly. Favorite band or singer?”

Bren shrugs. “Green Day and Nickelback, in the past Linkin Park, nothing else.”

I should have known because those bands’ songs were on the radio last year and reminded me of my brothers.

“Favorite animal?”

“Wolf.”

“Favorite month?”

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